Rape Trauma
by SD130413
Summary: SEQUEL TO CAPTURED! Olivia goes back to work after a six week long recovery process. How will she handle dealing with victims and perps after the trauma she endured?
1. 1 Beginning

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**Sequel to the story CAPTURED so read that first! **

**ITALICS ARE FLASHBACKS! **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter One – Beginning

**Stabler-Benson Household**

June 1st 6.35 am

"Cragen said you can have more time off Liv, don't rush into coming back if you're not ready." Elliot whispered gently.

Olivia was doing her hair in the living room mirror and Elliot was stood behind her cupping her shoulders in his hands trying to comfort her.

"I've been off for six weeks El. If I don't do this now then I don't think I ever will." Olivia replied honestly.

"Ok baby if you're sure." Elliot sighed.

Olivia had been back to the one six after her ordeal, but one case had shown her that she hadn't been ready to go back to work and the decision to take such a long time off hadn't been easy for anyone but now she was sure she was ready to go back. She was going to counselling with Lorna twice a week and had a group therapy session once a week which was helping some, she was sure that now was the right time to go back and she wasn't about to let Elliot talk her out of it.

"Come on we should go." Olivia replied turning around to face him.

"Don't think anyone will think bad of you if you change your mind Liv, we're all behind you." Elliot smiled gently wrapping his arms tightly around her neck.

"Elliot I'm ready. I've moved on with my life and I'm ready to get back to work now ok? We moved house, we have a wedding to plan, and I want that little bit of normality of my job back, I wouldn't do it if I wasn't ready, Lorna cleared me back for work weeks ago but I took some time to really think all of this over and I know now that I want to come back. Please don't keep telling me or suggesting to me that I shouldn't." She was almost pleading with him to stop it, he had made it harder for her to want to go back with his constant reminders that it was ok if she didn't, not that she'd ever tell him that as she knew he meant well and only wanted her to be happy and that's why he kept reminding her.

"Ok come on let's go." He smiled before kissing her gently on the forehead.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 1st 7.06 am

Olivia held Elliot's hand tight in her own as she stood outside the one six precinct. She looked up at the familiar building trying to build the courage to go inside.

"You don't have ..."

"I do." She replied cutting him off. "I need to do this El."

"You're not ready Liv, you haven't even gone inside yet and you're shaking." He whispered gently.

"I'm allowed to be nervous." She spat. "Six weeks is a long time to be away from somewhere."

"Nothing's changed though Liv." Elliot replied gently squeezing her hand trying to comfort her.

"Come on." Olivia replied pulling at him to go inside.

He could only smile and follow her. He was proud of her, he knew that this moment was tough for her and she had been dreading it all weekend but now she was heading towards the elevator like she had never been away and that made him feel a little more at ease.

When the lift arrived at their floor she hesitated after stepping out.

"Liv..."

"I'm fine El just give me a sec." She replied looking around the familiar hallway taking in that in fact nothing had changed in the six weeks she'd been away.

She took a deep shaky breath and then went towards the hustle and bustle of the bullpen already in full swing even though it was so early.

As she walked in the room broke out in applause and Munch and Fin rushed towards her pulling her into a group embrace.

"You're back then?" Munch asked.

"Yeah I'm back." She replied happily, knowing that she had made the right decision.

"I'm so proud of you baby girl." Fine smiled as he took a step back to look at her. "You're looking swell." He winked.

"Why thank you very much." She laughed as everyone but the four lead detectives went back to work.

"Good morning Olivia." Cragen smiled pulling her into an embrace.

"Hey Cap." Olivia smiled returning the hug.

"You looking forward to being back?" He asked her.

"I am." She nodded as she pulled away.

"Good. Huang is upstairs, I want you to speak with him before I give you back your gun." He explained.

"Why? I mean, Lorna cleared me to come back weeks ago and I wouldn't be here if I wasn't." Olivia replied feeling annoyed that she had to sit down with the psychiatrist.

"Just do as you're told Olivia." Cragen sighed before going back to his office.

"I guess I'll see you in a bit then." Olivia shrugged before making her way up the stairs to see the doctor.

She knocked lightly on the door and when he opened it she smiled confidently.

"Hey Liv welcome back." Huang smiled.

"Thanks, Cragen said I had to see you before he'd give me back my weapon." Olivia explained.

"I know he asked me to already, come in and sit down."

He opened the door wider letting Olivia into the comfy office. She made her way to the couch and made herself comfortable while Huang took the armchair opposite her.

"So how are you feeling?" Huang asked jumping straight in.

"Fine." Olivia replied smiling gently, she was awful at summing up her emotions.

"Any second thoughts about coming back?" Huang replied.

"Plenty." She answered honestly.

"Ok why don't you tell me about them?" He suggested ad Olivia sighed.

"I didn't know if I was ready to come back, I was second guessing my decision to come back and wondered if I would be better transferring to another unit." Olivia replied, she didn't see a point in trying to lie to Huang, he could always read her well.

"They're normal thoughts Olivia." Huang smiled. "So what about this morning, any second thoughts when you arrived?"

"Not really, I was nervous if not terrified of actually coming in here but then I did it and I'm glad I did and I feel happy to be here." She smiled back at him.

"Good, have you been thinking much about what happened when you're not in therapy sessions?" Huang asked, he knew it was a tough subject but he had to ask her all the relevant questions before giving Cragen the all clear to give her back a gun.

"Well, the truth is, I think about it every day. I could be doing the dishes or making the bed and I'll think of him or think of something that happened. I don't try to and I try and push the memories away when they do come to mind but they don't me to do anything. I don't stop doing the dishes just because I'm thinking about it. What I mean is I don't freeze or tense up because of it, not anymore anyway." Olivia sighed her hands fumbling with each other in her lap.

"Are they memories or flashbacks?" Huang replied.

"Memories." Olivia replied. "I haven't had a flashback since I was with that rape victim the first time I tried to come back."

"I'm glad to hear that, have you talk to Lorna about the memories?"

"Of course, you know if it wasn't for the face that everything that happened was caught on tape I would have thought I dreamt most of it because I don't feel it anymore, not in the way I did at first. I mean all the injuries have healed now so I don't have any constant reminders of what he did except for the scar on my cheek but that's faded and I can only see it if I try and look at it." Olivia explained as fully as she could.

"So what does Lorna tell you to do when these memories come into your mind?" Huang asked moving the questions along.

"To think of someone or something else, such as Elliot or my wedding or sing a song in my head to distract myself, I've done it a few times and it's worked I soon forget that I was thinking about it or him until it happens again." Olivia explained.

"I'm glad it seems to work. How are you feeling about going back out in the field?"

"Terrified." Olivia replied shakily. "I'm so scared that I'm going to crumble and not be able to hold it together when I have to listen to a victim tell me what happened to them."

"That's also normal Olivia, your fear is even more justified because of what happened six weeks ago, have you thought about what you're going to do if you do panic or crumble?"

"Not let it show in front of the victim, that's the most important thing, and if absolutely necessary, get myself out of there as fast as I possibly can." Olivia explained.

"Good, how have the nightmares been?" Huang asked gently.

"You know, it's still the same one I've had ever night since this happened. I don't wake in as much of a panic and I can get back to sleep pretty quickly because the nightmares don't feel as real anymore." Olivia explained as the images of her nightmare came flooding to the front of her mind, the sound of Fin bursting through the door before he's killed in front of her eyes followed by Elliot and Cragen making her swallow hard and try and push them away again.

"I'm glad to hear it. You're doing well Liv." Huang smiled gently.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled.

"Now go on, I'll go and tell Cragen to relax and have you back out in the field where you belong." Huang smiled getting to his feet.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 1st 7.48 am

"So do I get my partner back?" Elliot asked as Olivia sat on the edge of his desk watching Huang go into Cragen's office.

"Yeah." She replied. "Huang said he's fine with me going back out there."

"I'm pleased." Elliot smiled giving her leg a squeeze.

She smiled at him and took his hand in her own as she waited for the office door and Cragen's echoing voice calling her into the office.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Liv!" He called his hand signalling for her to come over.

After winking at Elliot she skipped off looking forward to seeing her gun again.

"Here you go." Cragen smiled handing the weapon to her.

"Thanks." She smiled taking in its weight in her hands. "I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to hand one of these." She laughed as she placed it on her hip.

"Cragen." He said answering the phone that had just began to ring. "Ok, yeah no problem."

Olivia knew by Cragen's voice what it was and she could only watch as he scribbled the details on a yellow slip of paper and handed it to her making her rush off without another word.

"We've got a case." She told Elliot grabbing her jacket as he jumped to his feet.

"You sure you're ready?" He asked as Olivia handed him the address.

"Yeah, absolutely." She nodded giving him a fake confident smile.

"Ok." He nodded as they jumped into the elevator.

He couldn't hide his glee at having Olivia back at his side even if he was petrified that she wasn't going to cope with being back. He had missed her when he had been working even though he felt lucky at being able to go home to her every night, which was a small blessing.

**Well for those of you who have been waiting for this, I hope it's worth the wait! xx**


	2. 2 Fearing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Two – Fearing

**Apartment, Madison Avenue**

June 1st 8.34 am

Olivia and Elliot arrived at the door and Elliot knocked while Olivia took a deep shaky breath, she was scared, all they knew was rape case and the address so she had no idea what could have been waiting for her on the other side of the door.

"Who is it?" A shaking voice came from inside the apartment.

"It's the police!" Olivia called back holding her badge up to the spy hole.

They heard the chain slide off the door and a young woman with short black hair and a big black eye opened the door.

"Hi I'm Detective Benson and this is Detective Stabler from Manhattan's Special Victims Unit a call was made about a rape?" Olivia spoke gently guessing that this woman was the victim by the mess of her.

"Yeah come in." The girl replied turning around and going into the apartment.

Olivia and Elliot followed the girl through to the living room and watched as the girl climbed onto the couch curling up into a tiny ball in the corner under a shrug.

"So what's your name?" Olivia asked sitting down beside the girl.

"Natalia Flemings." She replied shakily.

"Ok Natalia, can you tell me what happened?" Olivia continued gently, it was almost like she hadn't been away.

"I was ... I was in bed and I heard someone in my apartment, I'd just woken up to get ready for work. I rushed out into the kitchen and I saw ... I saw him." Natalia's voice shook as she held back her sobs.

"Ok take your time, so this happened here?" Olivia asked to be clear.

"Yeah in the kitchen and then the bedroom." Natalia replied glancing nervously towards Elliot.

"I'll go and call Cragen and get CSU in here." Elliot replied going out of the door.

Olivia watched him go her own fears rising towards the surface. She turned to look at Natalia who Olivia found to be unconscious.

"Natalia? Natalia?" Olivia called pressing her fingers to Natalia's neck trying to find a pulse.

"This is SVU Portable to Central I need a bus at my location female unconscious." Olivia spoke into the radio.

"Natalia? Come on sweetie talk to me." Olivia pleaded holding her fingers to Natalia's neck still making sure she had definitely felt the faint beating of Natalie's pulse.

"Liv what happened?" Elliot called rushing into the room.

"I don't know I turned to see you leave and turned back and she was unconscious." Olivia explained just as the EMT's rushed in.

Olivia jumped out of their way and went outside to let them work.

"Are you ok?" Elliot asked her gently.

"I'm fine." Olivia replied as she and Elliot stood by the ambulance waiting for the EMT's to come down with Natalia.

"Ok." Elliot replied giving her arm a gentle squeeze just as the paramedics came out with Natalia on a stretcher.

"I'll ride along." Olivia told them hurrying beside them.

"I'll meet you down there!" Elliot called to her as she climbed inside.

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**Mercy General Hospital, Manhattan**

June 1st 9.12 am

Natalia hadn't come round at all in the ambulance and when the paramedics and doctors rushed off with her Olivia had to just wait for Elliot and news from a medical professional.

"Hey did you get anything?" He asked coming over.

"No, she didn't regain consciousness." Olivia replied.

"Might not be a bad thing, she might be unconscious for the kit." Elliot explained, he knew if the girl was unconscious when they performed the rape kit Olivia wouldn't be there and that's what relieved him more than anything.

"Yeah." Olivia replied just as Doctor Stewart, the doctor who had performed Olivia's rape kit, came towards them.

"How's Natalia?" Olivia asked.

"She's ok, we've stabilised her, she lost a lot of blood I think she was rape with a foreign object but I'll be able to tell you more when she's out of surgery." Doctor Stewart explained.

"Ok thank you." Olivia replied. "We should head off and see if CSU uncover anything at the apartment." Olivia said turning to Elliot.

"Yeah come on." He replied.

"You'll let us know when she comes round?" Olivia asked Doctor Stewart.

"Of course." She replied and she watched as the two detectives hurried off.

Olivia felt relieved that she'd have more time to prepare herself before talking to Natalia, she could only pray that the young woman was alright and that she would recover from the surgery. They'd had too many victims in the past that hadn't.

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**Apartment, Madison Avenue**

June 1st 10.21 am

"Got anything for us?" Olivia asked spotting O'Hallaran the CSU tech.

"We've got seamen on the kitchen table and on the bedding." He told her.

"That's good." Olivia replied as Elliot pulled on some gloves and stalked off to work.

"We'll know more when we get everything back to the lab of course because we've got pubic hair too but no way of knowing if that's your vics or your perps." O'Hallaran added.

"No true." Olivia replied her eyes scanning the room she was in.

It was immaculately tidy and that was the first thing Olivia saw. She walked over to the shelf in the corner and pulled on some gloves before pulling down a photo frame.

"Which is the vic?" O'Hallaran asked coming to look.

"This one." Olivia replied pointing at the girl with the short black hair grinning widely with another woman in the photo.

"Pretty girl." O'Hallaran replied.

"Yeah, she didn't look like that when we saw her." Olivia sighed pulling the photo from the frame so they could add it to the crime board back at the precinct.

O'Hallaran and Olivia walked off to see if they could find more evidence, both of them hoping that this case would be open shut and they wouldn't spend weeks or months investigating.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 1st 11.34 am

"What have we got?" Cragen asked seeing the two detectives arrive back.

"Natalia Flemings age twenty one we don't actually know what happened because we haven't spoken with her." Olivia explained putting the now enlarged picture of just Natalia that had been made from the photograph she had found at the house on the crime board.

"We've got seamed in two locations of the house, the kitchen table and the bed and we have hair but we can't eliminate the victim till the rape kit is done and processed, Warner is running the DNA and we're waiting on the hospital about the victim." Olivia explained.

"Ok Olivia and Elliot go to the hospital and wait until you've spoken to the girl, we can do nothing till we have her statement and then hopefully we'll have the perp in the data bank." Cragen sighed, he knew this case was going to either be open shut or damn long and that bothered him, all cases bothered him and they bothered him a heck of a lot more since Olivia's case.

"Ok come on El." Olivia sighed before heading off, she was still terrified of having to take the statement.

**Well for those of you who have been waiting for this, I hope it's worth the wait! xx**


	3. 3 Chasing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Three – Chasing

**Mercy General Hospital, Manhattan**

June 1st 2.22 pm

It was nearly half two before Olivia was told she could speak with Natalia. Elliot decided it best for him to stay outside and be there for Olivia if she needed him, the victims always opened up more when there wasn't a man around and he knew right now the only way Olivia could get them what they needed was if she could get everything out of Natalia. Olivia walked into the room with a gentle and reassuring smile on her face which masked the terror she felt at doing this.

"Hi Natalia." She said going towards the bed.

"Hi Detective." Natalia replied fumbling with the seam of the blanket around her waist.

"How are you feeling?" Olivia asked.

"Numb." Natalia answered shrugging.

"Ok Natalia I need you to tell me what happened why don't we start with when? What time was it?" Olivia asked standing beside the bed.

"It was around quarter after six, I'd only just woken and I heard someone on in the kitchen, I went through and I saw them..."

"Them?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah there were two of them." Natalia explained.

"Ok go on." Olivia replied.

"One of them grabbed me and pulled my arms behind my back and the other one punched me in the face and I fell down. The one grabbing me then picked me up and dropped me onto the table and he held my shoulders and arms down while the other one raped me." Natalia explained, her voice was weak but there were no tears shed. "I was then carried through to the bedroom and they switched over, the other one raped me while the first pinned me down. I think they used something else because it hurt so much and I just remember closing my eyes and wanting to die." Natalia explained her eyes closed again which Olivia felt lucky for as tears stung her own eyes.

She was listening to Natalia's story but she could hear her own attacker's voice in her head and she struggled to pull herself from it so she could continue talking to Natalia.

"Then they just left." Natalia finished. "Without a word they just left."

"Do you know who they are?" Olivia asked.

"No, but I saw them and if I saw them again I'd know it was them." Natalia replied wiping the tears that she'd fail to stop falling from her cheeks.

"Ok, do you have any idea why they were there?" Olivia asked.

"No I think they were surprised to see me though, I think they may have been burglars." Natalia replied shakily.

Olivia nodded gently.

"Ok Natalia, you get some rest and I'll come see you again." Olivia smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you Detective." Natalia replied and she watched as Olivia walked out the room.

As soon as the door was closed behind her she let out a large breath that she hadn't even realised she'd been holding.

"Ok?" Elliot asked gently.

"Yeah." She replied her voice just a hoarse whisper.

"It's ok if you're not." Elliot whispered his hand on her arm.

"I'm fine Elliot." She snapped walking off.

"I'm sorry Liv, I've just got to be sure." Elliot replied rushing off after her.

"How about you just trust me?" Olivia spat. "If you're going to be watching over your shoulder at me with everything I do Elliot we can't be partners anymore, if you don't trust me say so and I'll ask Cragen to switch me to be with Fin again, it isn't a problem."

"Oh Liv I do trust you, I'm just concerned with this being your first case back, please Liv don't talk to Cragen." Elliot pleaded, he needed her by his side as much as she needed him.

"Fine but I'm warning you Elliot if we can't work together then we can't work together it's as simple as that. Now about the rape kit?"

"Taken to Warner and she's got us a hit off the DNA." Elliot replied.

"Ok let's go." Olivia said before walking off trying to keep one step ahead of Elliot because she was annoyed with him.

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**Medical Examiner's Office**

June 1st 4.06 pm

"What have you got for us?" Olivia asked walking into the office that housed Melinda Warner.

"The semen on the bed belongs to a Christopher Cooper." She replied handing a file over to Olivia.

"Christopher Cooper age twenty eight jailed for sexual assault and battery, got five years." Olivia read to Elliot.

"Five years?" Elliot asked in surprise.

"Yeah but only served four and it's lucky he even got that, all the evidence was circumstantial no DNA, no fingerprints but the jury still found him guilty." Olivia replied as she continued to flick through the file.

"But look at the victim photos!" Elliot gasped.

"Says here that she got into a bar fight and they couldn't separate the injuries and so all her injuries were out from evidence." Olivia explained. "That makes sense."

"Come on Liv how many people get into bar fights and don't look like they've done twelve rounds with Mike Tyson?" Elliot snapped.

"Most, but this case wasn't ours Elliot it was Queens SVU ok? So don't snap at me." She hissed back.

Warner just looked from one detective to the other knowing it best not to interfere. Elliot gave up and walked off leaving the ME and Olivia.

"Bastard." Olivia sighed under her breath, she hadn't meant to say it out loud but Warner's raising eyebrows was the sign she had.

"Tough day?" Warner asked.

"Elliot thinks he's my baby sitter now and not my partner, it's getting on my nerves." Olivia explained.

"Oh come on Liv, you have to let him care about you. He loves you." Warner replied.

"I know, but I'm his partner not a rookie." Olivia sighed, she felt guilty for snapping at him the second time that day but she couldn't help it he was getting on her nerves.

"Give him time Olivia, he's been working with Fin for the past six weeks and been content in knowing that you've been at home getting yourself back together, it's hit him hard having you back." Warner replied.

"Truth is Mel I'd have been back sooner if he hadn't been constantly telling me to take my time and get better." Olivia sighed again. "I came back the day after sentencing and I found I wasn't ready, I took two weeks sick and I thought I'd make it back but then he reminded me that no one was expecting me back so soon so I decided there was no harm in taking another two weeks, the last two weeks shouldn't have happened though but we were cuddled up in bed and he suggested I take another two weeks and then I'd really be ready to come back, I didn't want to be off this long, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be a working woman." Olivia explained as fully as she could but she wasn't sure if she was just being overzealous.

"He'll be fine once he see's you're alright Liv." Mel smiled weakly trying to reassure her friend.

"Yeah I know, I'm just being a bitch." Olivia shrugged making Melinda laugh.

"That you're not." Melinda replied. "But I'm sure you're just as worried as he is, he's worrying about you and you're worried that people will think you can't do your job anymore, but I'll tell you this Liv, no one thinks that, the amount of times I've had Munch or Fin in here saying they wish you were here because you'd crack it faster than them. Seriously Liv believe in yourself and then maybe Elliot will too." She explained rubbing Olivia's shoulder.

"You're right. Thanks Mel." She smiled gratefully, if it wasn't for her friends she wouldn't have gotten by the last eight weeks at all and for them she was grateful.

"So nothing on the semen from the dining table?" Olivia asked deciding to leave the personal stuff before she became too emotional.

"Nope, no hits." Warner replied.

"Ok well let us know if you get anything from the rape kit." Olivia replied before heading off out the door.

She headed towards where the car had been parked hoping that Elliot hadn't left without her. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty, Melinda was right in saying she was worried about the men she worked with thinking she couldn't do her job anymore and that had to be impacting on her behaviour towards Elliot. When she saw him standing by the car she rushed over and wrapped her arms around his neck taking him in and letting him know without words that she hadn't meant to be so snappy.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Don't I'm the one who should be sorry." He replied.

"I think we both are as bad as each other today." She laughed softly trying to break the awkwardness.

"Come on let's go back to the precinct and see if Cragen wants us to bring in Christopher Cooper or not." Elliot smiled as he broke the embrace.

She smiled back at him and nodded. She could have stayed wrapped in his arms all day but they had a job to do and they were going to do it right.

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**Apartment, Madison Avenue**

June 1st 4.36 pm

Olivia and Elliot made their way up the apartment block stairs together. Elliot knocked on the door and they both stood back, they had a warrant for Christopher Coopers arrest and they were going to bring him in for questioning before charging him with Natalia's rape.

"Christopher Cooper it's the Police!" Elliot yelled knocking again.

They listened carefully and when they heard a loud smash Olivia kicked the door breaking it in one go.

"He's running!" Elliot yelled having been the first one inside.

He dove for the window to work his way down the same was as Christopher had while Olivia rushed off down the fire exit stairs she'd spotted on the way up.

She ran as fast as she possibly could, the adrenaline kicking in almost instantaneously momentarily she forgot how to breathe and how to run her mind taking over her body completely. She could hear Elliot somewhere behind her as her eyes focused on Christopher's figure running a few feet ahead of her. She'd always been a little faster than Elliot and the further on the chase went the further back he fell from her.

The chase continued turning from the streets into Central Park and Olivia knew if she didn't get him soon then they would lose him for a heck of a long time. She sped up, her heart hammering inside her chest, her breath hitched as her eyes narrowed on her target.

"Stop police!" She yelled knowing it was pointless but when he looked back and tripped over a bin she closed in and tumbled to the ground with him.

He'd ran miles and wasn't about to give in easily. He easily tore his hand from her grasp and punched her square in the jaw. As her mind began to fight her into the past she fought hard against Christopher her own fist hitting him square in the nose easily breaking it, but he was stronger, he threw her off him and her head smacked hard against the concrete floor.

She bounced straight up because of the adrenaline and swung her leg causing him to tumble straight onto his face. She dived onto his back and grabbed his arms.

"Christopher Cooper you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you." She panted dragging him from the floor to his feet.

"Liv." Elliot gasped as he arrived by her side.

"You took your time." She laughed breathlessly her hand wondering to the back of her skull were throbbing pain had been persistent since she'd smacked it on the concrete.

She could feel the sticky wetness and knew what it was before looking.

"Shit Liv." Elliot gasped seeing her bloodied fingers but as her eyes clasped on them her mind took a spin into the past.

_Nervously she swung her hand back and in one quick hit she felt the window smash. She knew she had mere seconds so she dived, throwing herself through the small gap. Two large hand grabbed her ankles and dragged her slowly back in. The hands moved to her waist and she felt him pull harder before throwing her back. Her back took most of the blow but she felt her head bounce on the tile wall. She slipped to the floor but he wasn't done with her yet. His foot connected with her stomach missing all her ribs by millimetres which was a small mercy on its own when he picked her up by her hair._

"I need a bus to Central Park East on the 79th Street Traverse." Elliot called into his radio knowing that both Olivia and Christopher needed to be checked over. "Liv? Olivia!" He called pulling her mind back into the present.

"What?" She asked weakly.

"What happened?" He asked her, he'd watch the colour drain from her face and he was relieved when a couple of uniforms arrived by their side with an ambulance.

"Get him checked over and get him to the one six." Elliot stated handing their perp over to uniform before holding onto Olivia who still hadn't moved only averted her eyes to him from her blood covered fingers.

"I'm fine." She whispered as an EMT came over.

"No she isn't she's bleeding from the back of the head." Elliot replied.

"I opened an old scalp wound!" Olivia snapped angrily, she was pissed, not with Elliot or the EMT but herself but they were coping the brunt of it.

"Liv let the EMT check it for you." Elliot replied.

"No I'm fine, come on let's go back to the one six and wait for our perp." Olivia replied.

"Take this Detective, put some pressure on it to stop the bleeding." The Spanish EMT woman smiled passing a pressure dressing.

"Thanks." Olivia replied taking it and clasping it to her injured scalp.

"Wash it Detective, you don't want it to get infected." The EMT smiled before climbing into the back of the bus.

"You should have gone in Liv." Elliot whispered taking the pressure dressing from her and holding it to her head.

"I don't need a doctor Elliot. I it's one of the only injuries that hasn't healed in the last eight weeks, it's ok, it's just a scalp wound." Olivia sighed pulling back the pressure dressing and walking away from him she wasn't in the mood for another argument, she was fuming with anger.

"Liv!" Elliot called knowing it was hopeless but doing it anyway, he knew she was going to walk back to the precinct taking time to think.

He knew he could only make his way back to the precinct and wait for her, she'd probably make it back before him because he had to go and pick up the car.

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**So, I do know where this story is going but I'm really taking my time with it. **


	4. 4 Flashing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Four – Flashing

**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 1st 6.03 pm

Olivia sat at her desk finally allowing Huang to check her scalp, while he cleaned up the injury Cragen laid into his Detective.

"Refusing medical attention on a head injury?" He yelled. "Not only that but then walking back to the precinct alone? Olivia have you gone completely insane?"

Olivia said nothing just chewed her bottom lip and winced in pain every time Huang touched her injury.

"Anything could have happened to you Olivia! You could have collapsed from your injury and who knows what! You're supposed to be wise Olivia but you acted like an immature child!"

"Hey leave her alone!" Elliot yelled walking into the bullpen.

"Don't start defending her Elliot!" Cragen yelled back.

"What do you expect me to do? She got hurt and then I pissed her off and she walked away, it's my fault she walked back here I should have ran after her." Elliot explained angrily.

"It wasn't your fault El." Olivia replied taking his hand as Huang started stitching her scalp, it turned out to be a little more than a scalp wound.

"Liv it was, it's my fault you got hurt in the first place and then for you to walk off I shouldn't have made you angry and I shouldn't have let you go off on your own." He replied.

"El, please don't blame yourself." Olivia pleaded as she squeezed his hand in pain.

"But it's my fault Liv." He replied.

"No it isn't." Olivia stated firmly.

"Liv..."

"Shut up Elliot." She snapped.

"Liv..."

"I mean it." She spat wanting him to stop.

"Liv I need you to keep still." Huang said softly.

"Sorry." She replied sinking back into the chair and closing here eyes squeezing Elliot's hand in her own as a way of telling him not to leave her side.

He stroked her hand with his thumb reminding her that he was there and trying to calm his own guilt.

"Elliot your perp is here." Cragen said nodding his head towards the entrance of the bullpen.

"Put him interrogation I'm almost done." Huang replied knowing there was no way Elliot would leave Olivia's side. "There, I think you're brain will stay in place now Liv."

"Thanks." She replied sorting her hair out over the cut.

"Well even if we can't get him on the rapes, we have him on assaulting a cop." Cragen stated as they walked over to the interrogation room.

"You can't do that." Olivia replied angrily.

"Why not Benson?" He asked stopping to look at her.

"Because you have no proof he assaulted me, it's my word against his and considering the fact I broke his nose I think the self defence strategy would definitely work." Olivia explained.

"You broke his nose?" Cragen asked.

"I didn't try to." She shrugged.

"Just make sure you write everything in your fives." He sighed as they arrived the interrogation room.

"I know, now let's see if I've lost my touch." Olivia laughed gently as she grabbed the door of the interrogation room.

"What are you bitch doing here?" Christopher spat.

"Wow that's a nice greeting." Olivia replied sarcastically.

"You bitch broke my nose." He hissed. "I should report you for police brutality."

"You cracked my scalp open, I don't think you'd be able to get any merit on that case." Olivia snapped back.

"Yeah? Prove it bitch." He spat getting into her face.

"I don't need to prove anything, not regarding my assault. However, I have plenty of proof that you raped Natalia Flemings, want to tell me more about that?" Olivia asked holding the jacket in her hands.

"I didn't rape nobody bitch." He hissed his spit flying into her face making her take a step back and turn her face away.

"Want to explain how your sperm made it into her apartment, her bed?" Olivia asked.

"Consentual sex." He replied.

"Consentual huh? So she consented to having you give her a black eye, three broken ribs and internal bleeding?" Olivia asked throwing down evident pictures onto the table.

"I didn't do it." Christopher shrugged not even looking at the pictures.

"You didn't do it?" Elliot asked as Olivia stepped to the side to let him through. "So when the rape kit comes back we won't find any of your DNA inside of her or on her?" Elliot hissed playing the intimidation card.

"Nah man." He replied coolly.

"Oh no we wouldn't because you weren't man enough to finish the job yourself were you? Hey what did you shove inside her? What was it? Crime Scene Unit are still at the house trying to find what it was you shoved inside of her tearing her up you sick bastard! What was it? Take it with you? Little piece of memorabilia?"

Meanwhile outside Alex and Casey had joined Don Cragen.

"We have his DNA we can get a warrant to search his place for the foreign object." Casey explained.

"Get it then, Liv and Elliot can toss the place while he goes to central booking, we've got more than enough on him." Alex replied.

"Have we got enough to prove rape?" Cragen asked in surprise.

"We found his DNA on her bedding, she says it's rape, we wait for CSU to give us everything they have but with the injuries she sustained inside and out, we'll have no problem proving rape." Casey explained honestly.

"Ok well get my detectives the warrant and they can take CSU and toss the place." Cragen replied before turning the volume back up on the interrogation.

Elliot and Olivia had now crowded around Christopher Cooper and forced him into the corner of the room.

"You think it's ok for two people to corner a helpless person?" Olivia asked.

"No." He shook his head, he was beginning to look scared now.

"No? So why did you do it?" Elliot hissed threateningly.

"I don't know, we didn't mean to, we were breaking in and we didn't think anyone would be home or hoped that we could get in and out before someone woke but when she woke up we panicked. I'm so sorry! Please! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt her." Christopher broke out in wracked sobs and Cragen walked in with a notebook.

"We need the name of your partner." He explained as Olivia and Elliot backed off.

"I can't." Christopher shook his head.

"Why not?" Cragen continued.

"Because he'll kill me." Christopher explained.

"We won't let that happen." Olivia replied. "But think of Natalia Flemings, she needs justice, give us the name of your partner."

"He'll kill me don't you get it? He'll murder me."

"How? You're going to prison for a very long time for your part in the murder so he won't be able to do anything to you." Elliot replied.

"No? He has friends on the inside... he'll make sure I die if I talk so I'm saying nadda." He explained.

Alex walked into the interrogation room and Olivia and Elliot knew this was the moment the ADA would begin negotiation for the name.

"We'll send you to a Federal Prison where you can have protective custody, and rather than spending the maximum twenty five years for rape I'll cut it down to sexual assault and you can doo ten years." Alex stated officially.

"Federal Prison? Why?" Christopher ask trembling he was so terrified.

"Because you'll be safe there." Alex explained gently, talking and coaxing him like a victim instead of like a perp.

"His name is Julio Martinez, he lives on Manor Avenue up in the Bronx. He'll be armed." Christopher explained writing down the address on the notebook and tearing it before handing it over to Olivia.

"Thank you." She whispered before following Elliot out the door.

Cragen and Alex followed them into the bullpen where they decided what their next plan of action should be.

"I want you all in vests I'm calling in Fin and Munch and I want you to take back up." Cragen explained.

"Ok. Come on El." Olivia replied the adrenaline building inside her as they prepared to catch Julio Martinez.

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**Manor Avenue, The Bronx**

June 1st 8.49 pm

Olivia, Elliot, Munch and Fin stood by one of the Sedan's wiring up. They didn't know much about Julio Martinez but from the fear Christopher Cooper had displayed was enough to put the fear in all of them.

"So Liv and El take the front me and Munch will go round the back and we have back up coming in on both sides. Unless he's not here, we'll get him." Fin explained as he placed his own wire into his ear.

"Right lets go." Olivia replied seeing everyone was ready.

Everyone moved at a fast/slow pace trying to be as quiet as possible. Elliot and Olivia made their way inside side by side with back up right on their tails. Their breaths were shallow, their hearts hammered inside their chests.

"Julio Martinez come out with your hands up!" Elliot called after hammering at the door.

There was a moment's fire followed by multiple gunshots coming through the door. Both detectives dived out of the way as did the surrounding back up. Those who could dived inside as Elliot jumped to his feet Olivia lay on the ground clutching her chest and panting.

_"Blood? Sorry." He laughed knowing it was him that had caused it._

_This still didn't stop him as he slowly licked her. She sobbed as fatigue slowed her struggled and he enjoyed poking his tongue in and out of her, using his tongue to flick at her clit making her gasp and whimper, he hoped it was out of pleasure, but it was out of fear._

_"NYPD Step away from the girl!" Fin yelled as all four detectives stepped in with their guns._

"Liv? Olivia?" Elliot yelled.

"I'm fine! I was hit in the chest, the vest ... I'm fine." She gasped trying to focus on Elliot's voice than the flashback she'd just been having.

"Elliot go!" She yelled knowing he needed to help Munch and Fin with Julio Martinez while one of the men from back up helped her sit up.

He looked at her and realised she was fine before rushing off. The officer from the back up helped Olivia to sit against the banister of the stairs.

"Are you ok Detective?" He asked her gently.

"I'm fine, thank you." She panted a combination of fear and adrenaline coursing through her body.

"Ok." He replied. "I'm going to get a bus so you can be checked over." He added grabbing his radio.

"No don't I'm fine, honest." Olivia replied pulling herself to standing as Elliot and Fin came out with Martinez.

"I've got him Stabler." Fin nodded knowing he wanted to check on Olivia.

"We'll meet you back at the house." Elliot nodded taking a shaking Olivia into his arms.

"What a day." Olivia laughed weakly.

"Tell me about it. Still sure you were ready to come back?" He asked gently.

"Absolutely." She lied even though she knew it was wrong too she knew she had too.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan **

June 1st 9.56 pm

"How is everyone?" Cragen asked seeing Olivia and Elliot walked back into the bullpen as Munch and Fin took Martinez to an interrogation room.

"Great." Olivia spat sarcastically as she took off her bullet proof vest and sat at her desk clutching her ribs.

"What happened?" Cragen asked Elliot quietly and off to one side.

"Liv was shot in the chest, she's fine, hit in the vest but it knocked the wind out of her and she's going to have a couple of bruised ribs for sure." Elliot whispered back.

"She needs the ER Elliot, twice she's been injured today." Cragen whispered back.

"She won't go and you know that. She's fine and ready to go at Martinez, Fin's taking a DNA sample as we speak and then Liv and I will take him on." Elliot replied.

"Ok fine but any sign of Olivia being in pain I want her out of there and to the hospital do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Elliot nodded.

Fin came into the bullpen with a gloomy look on his face that told Elliot and Olivia everything they needed to know.

"He evoked." Olivia sighed.

"As soon as I shoved the court order for DNA under his nose." Fin replied.

"Please tell me he gave you the DNA." Olivia asked almost pleading.

"Yes, Munch has just taken it down to the lab." He replied.

"Then it's case closed, it's going to be a match to the second semen sample from the table and we're going to get them both." Olivia replied feeling pleased with the squad she worked with.

"Case closed." Fin smiled feeling relieved.

"Still there's court and all to go through." Olivia sighed, she hated going to court in the past but she hadn't stepped foot into a court room since she'd watched Toby McArthur sentenced to life behind bars.

"Go home the lot of you." Cragen said coming out of his office. "Olivia a word?" He asked.

Olivia looked at Elliot and sighed before making her way over to the Captain's office knowing she was going to get a talking to.

"Cap'n I..."

"Don't Olivia, I wanted to apologise for having a go at you but you have to understand you've only just come back and you managed to get your head cut open and shot? It doesn't look good." Cragen explained.

"I know I just ... come on none of us expected to be fired at through the door and when I took Cooper down I didn't expect him to slam my head into the concrete floor." Olivia replied.

"I know. I just need you to be careful out there Olivia ... if you need more ..."

"No I don't need any more time so don't even ask me, I haven't let my work suffer at all if anything I've been back in like I've never been away Cap I'm fine." She interrupted him knowing he was going to lay the guilt trip on her in the same way Elliot had been.

"If it gets too much ..."

"I know I'll come and speak with you, I will but I need all of you to trust me and let me do my job, I can't help it if I get hurt on the job Cap it comes with the badge." She explained the frustration that she wasn't trusted by her superior clearly visible.

"Ok. Go home, get some rest." Cragen replied.

She nodded and walked out to meet Elliot who was sat at his desk waiting for her.

"lets go." She smiled at him reaching out her hand to him.

He took it and smiled at her as they walked together to the car, and head for home.

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**Dun dun. :)Reviews appreciated :) **


	5. 5 Lying

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Five – Lying

**Stabler-Benson Household**

June 1st 10.43 pm

"Oh it's so good to be home." Olivia smiled climbing into the bed beside Elliot.

"I know." He replied wrapping his arms around her.

"El..." She began turning to face him.

"What?" He asked before gently kissing her nose.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too Liv and I can't wait to make you my wife." He added.

"I can't wait to be your wife." She smiled before dropping a kiss onto his lips.

He kissed her back but went to pull away, they'd barley touched each other since Olivia's ordeal and he was quite weary of pushing her too far. She didn't let him pull away though as she continued to plaster his lips with seductive kisses. She latched onto his lips and pushed at his seeking entry into his mouth, he couldn't hesitate anymore and allowed her tongue entry.

As their kisses deepened she rolled him onto his back and climbed on top, straddling his hips with her knees as she pressed her lips down to him once again. His hands caressed her back through her top and to show him she wanted more she sat bolt upright and removed the vest top revealing her black lace bra.

"Are you sure?" He asked as she went to kiss him again.

"Very." She smiled and his hands moved to the front to her breasts.

He could feel her hardening nipples through the fabric as he slowly massages the fleshy mounds. She moaned in pleasure into his mouth as she continued to bite and nip at his lower lip.

His hands went round to her back and lingered for a moment at the clip of her bra.

"Do it." She whispered seductively into his ear before nipping at the lobe.

He smiled and pulled at the clips before removing the fabric from her body. As she was busy at his ear he crashed his lips onto her pert nipples.

"Ahh El." She moaned as he bit gently and pulled before soothing over the bud with his toungue and moved to the next one.

She had been waiting to do this for weeks and she finally felt ready to do it. As he worked her nipples she moved her hands to his boxers and tugged at them.

He laughed a breathy laugh before rolling her onto her back. He pulled his boxers off freeing his erection which she clasped a hand around her thumb massaging the tip making him gasp with pleasure.

He removed her trousers and panties just as quickly as he had his own and then rolled over pulling her on top of him as he wanted to let her be in control the first time they had sex since her kidnap, he knew she could struggle or flashback and he didn't want to be responsible for it, or not completely responsible anyhow. She held is shaft and slowly guided it to her entrance, there was no hesitation as she slipped it inside of her in one easy thrust of her hips.

"Oh Liv." Elliot moaned as she began grinding against him.

"I love you El." She whispered into his ear.

"I love you too." He replied.

She rolled them both over so he was on top. He froze for a moment unsure whether she really was ready for this.

"I'm fine." She whispered smiling.

He nodded and began to move at an unbelievably slow pace hoping that he wouldn't set her memory in motion to the place she'd sooner forget. He couldn't see it on her face because she was moaning and whimpering in reaction to him but her mind had certainly begun drifting.

Seconds after her scream he thrust his erect penis into her making her gasp and whimper.

_"Don't! God please don't!" She begged as he started thrusting in and out of her._

_She continued to struggle but that just seemed to excite him more as he thrust harder and faster aiming to release inside of her._

_"Get off me! Please don't do this! Stop please God Toby please stop!"_

"El..." She whimpered and he froze knowing what was happening.

"It's me baby, want me to stop?" He asked knowing that she'd gone on him.

"No." She shook her head. "No don't stop... wait..." She flipped them over again taking back the control as she grinned her hips against him.

"Oh El!" She moaned in pleasure as his hips reacted to hers.

She latched her hands onto his as she took them both to their ultimate goal.

"Oh Liv!" Elliot grunted as he thrust against her and releasing inside of her.

"Elliot!" She cried as she also reached the point of climax and her head fell onto his chest allowing his moving hips to carry them both through.

"Fuck." She whispered through her narrow breath.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Perfect." She smiled coming up to looking at him.

"You sure?" He asked knowing that her mind had wandered.

"I am, El, perfectly fine." She smiled latching her lips onto his, she wasn't about to tell him that she'd flashed back to her rape when she was making love to him, she'd managed to keep it under control just as she had the other two times she'd flashed back.

"Come on we should get some sleep before we get called in or have to get up." Elliot smiled kissing her head.

She climbed off him and snuggled into him ready to drift off to sleep.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 2nd 9.12 am

Olivia sat at her desk playing with a mug of coffee in her hands. She looked over at Elliot and gave him a smile knowing that he was still uncertain of their love making from the night before, he'd cornered her while they were getting ready and asked her about it, she'd lied of course and told him she hadn't frozen or had a flashback and he was content in believing her hoping that she would tell him if anything happened.

"Benson, Stabler, you've got a case!" Cragen called from the door to his office.

"What is it?" Olivia asked running to get the slip.

"Rape, she's at Saint Bernadette's." He replied.

"That hospital is in Queens why is it Manhattan's case?" Olivia asked.

"Because the rape happened in Manhattan and we're a much more efficient SVU squad than them and so the Brass told us to take it." He explained.

"Sure." Olivia replied going over to Elliot who held her coat for her.

"Come on." He smiled gently leading her to the lift.

"Ok, so Vics name is Jessica Parker, she's ... it's a kiddie rape case." She sighed seeing the age.

"Twelve years old." Elliot read over her shoulder.

"Ok so I'll take the vic you take the parents?" Olivia asked as they walked towards the car.

"Yeah if that's what you want to do Liv." Elliot replied.

"It's what we normally do." She smiled knowing he was still being weary of her.

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**Saint Bernadette's Hospital, Queen's **

June 2nd 10.24 am

Olivia and Elliot walked into the hospital and quickly found out where the girl was. They walked into the hospital room and found the mother holding her daughters hand, both of them crying weakly.

"Hello Ms Parker, I'm Detective Benson this is Detective Stabler." Olivia said gently.

"Would I possibly be able to speak with you outside?" Elliot asked softly knowing that they needed the mother and daughter apart for them to get real answers.

Ms Parker glanced down at her daughter.

"I'll stay with her." Olivia reassured.

She nodded and kissed her daughter's hand before making her way outside. Olivia made her way slowly towards the bed.

"Hi Jessica my name's Olivia." She smiled gently.

"Hi." Jessica replied hoarsely.

"I need to ask you some questions is that ok?" Olivia asked taking the seat beside the bed so she was almost at eye level with the young girl not wanting to intimidate her.

Jessica nodded weakly and Olivia could see in her eyes that she was tired and scared.

"Ok, can you tell me what happened to you?" Olivia asked gently.

"I was in basketball practise in Central Park recreation centre. I was coming out of the changing room and before the door closed someone grabbed me from behind and dragged me back in." She explained not a single tear passing through her piercing green eyes.

"Ok do you know who it was?" Olivia asked.

Jessica nodded and that's the moment her eyes filled with tears.

"My coach David Johnston." She replied.

"Ok so after he dragged you into the changing room what happened?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know, he threw me into the tiled wall and I hit my head and passed out." Jessica explained weakly.

"Ok thank you Jessica you did so well, I'm going to get your Mommy now alright." She replied with a reassuring smile.

Jessica nodded and Olivia headed for the door.

"We got a name." Olivia told him. "Ms Parker can you tell me how often Jessica's been playing basketball?" Olivia asked.

"Yes twice a week, she's a natural being so tall." Ms Parker explained.

"Ok and for how long?" Olivia asked.

"Three years now."

"Has she had the same coach for the whole three years?"

"Yes, David Johnston, he's been with Jess from the beginning." Mrs Parker replied. "Why do you think he did this?"

"Jess said she saw her attacker." Olivia explained.

"Oh my God." Mrs Parker gasped and she grabbed onto Olivia's arm in fear of passing out.

Olivia inhaled deeply as Elliot grabbed around Mrs Parker's waist to stop her falling into Olivia who'd visibly panicked.

_She felt the cold of metal before she heard the unmistakable click of the handcuffs. Desperately she fought against him, knowing that in a moment he'd get the second wrist and then she'd be completely helpless._

_"Don't! Get Off me! Please don't!" She screamed as he finally grabbed hold of her second wrist._

_She didn't stop struggling and as she fought a searing pain hit the wrist still in his hand. They both knew that the wrist had broken but it didn't stop either of them. Olivia was screaming out in pain and distress while he was grunting fighting back against her. It took a good few minutes for him to finally lock the second wrist into the handcuffs and Olivia sobbed hoping he would stop._

"Find the bastard who hurt my girl." Mrs Parker pleaded.

"We will." Olivia replied coming back into the present tense.

Mrs Parker went back into the room and as soon as the door was closed Elliot pulled Olivia into his arms.

"You ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine Elliot." She replied gently. "Come on we need an arrest warrant."

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**Central Park Recreation Centre, Manhattan**

June 2nd 11.48 am

"We're looking for David Johnston." Olivia told the receptionist showing her badge as did Elliot.

"He's teaching tennis in the third gymnasium." She replied. "Down that hall eighth door on your right."

Olivia nodded in thanks and she and Elliot made their way down the hallway to arrest the rapist. When they walked in it turned Olivia's stomach seeing a group of kids around twelve years old, she wondered if any of these had fallen prey to their coach.

"Are you David Johnston?" Olivia asked flashing her badge while Elliot went over to a woman.

"I am what is this about?" He asked.

"Can you put your hands behind your back please?" Olivia replied ignoring his question.

"No I can't I'm teaching, are you arresting me?" He asked as Olivia took hold of his wrist and twisted him around.

"Yes ..."She didn't get the chance to say anything else as his fist connected with her jaw sending her flying across the floor and making Elliot run after him.

She pushed herself to sitting and clasped her hand onto her face where she knew a bruise would rise. Her mind started going again and as much as she tried to fight it, the memory won and plagued her.

_"I really am sorry about your cheek Olivia." He whispered._

_"It's ok." She shrugged unsure what else to say._

_"No it's not ok!" He cried jumping to her feet._

_His fist connected with the side of her face and she hit the ground, her eyes shut. He picked up the tray from the floor and ran out of the room without looking back. Olivia was unconscious, at least for now she'd rest._

"Olivia!" Elliot called from the door way where he was pressed up against David Johnston snapping cuffs onto his wrists.

"Coming." Olivia replied getting to her feet and rubbing her jaw.

"What happened?" He asked his face written with concern.

"I went to cuff him and he punched me." Olivia replied honestly.

"No after that, you looked ... I don't know." Elliot shrugged not sure how to explain.

"I'm fine Elliot not lets get this prick to the one six so we can interrogate him." Olivia replied and she grabbed David's bicep and she and Elliot led him away.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 2nd 1.22 pm

"Olivia a word!" Cragen called from his office door.

Olivia sighed and went over not knowing what her Captain could want now.

"Take a seat." He told her nodding his head to the empty chairs in front of his desk.

"What is it?" Olivia asked seeing the worry on his face.

"Lorna called." He told her.

"Oh." Olivia replied her gaze shifting to the floor.

"I'm fine with whatever decision you make Olivia, but I would like you to see Huang and have a thorough evaluation, if he decides you don't need to see a shrink then fine but if he does you either see him or Lorna on a weekly basis until they say otherwise." Cragen explained.

"I've been seeing a shrink for six weeks and coming back her made me see I don't need to see one anymore Cap'n everything is fine. Please don't make me sit with Huang."

"I have no choice Olivia, being cleared to walk around with a gun and being cleared of needing psych help are two complete different things." Cragen replied.

"Fine." Olivia shrugged too exhausted to argue.

"He's upstairs now." Cragen nodded his head towards the door.

"What about our perp?" Olivia asked.

"Fin and Elliot can take him." Cragen explained.

"Ok." Olivia nodded before making her way upstairs.

She was pissed. With Lorna and with Cragen. She'd confided everything nearly in Lorna and when she had made the decision the night before to call Lorna and said she only wanted to see her on a friend basis from now on she was sure Lorna was fine with it, she obviously wasn't if she called Cragen and told him that Olivia had decided she didn't need a shrink anymore. A she knocked on Huang's door she wondered what Cragen meant by 'thorough' evaluation.

"Come in and sit down." Huang smiled opening the office door.

Olivia nodded and went over to the couch making herself comfortable while Huang passed her a can of cola which he knew she enjoyed when being shrunk as Lorna and Olivia had joked about it in front of him in the past.

"Thanks." She smiled opening the cold can and pressing it to her lips.

"Ok so I'll start with the questions I have to ask you and then we'll talk ok?" Huang smiled softly.

"Sure." Olivia shrugged playing with the metal tab of the can.

"Ok have you had any problems with your physical health since your assault?" Huang asked.

"I don't know what you mean." Olivia frowned.

"Anything persistent, such as problems with your throat or mouth, tension headaches, soreness in any area of your body, severe fatigue or exhaustion?" Huang explained.

"Ok, I get headaches but who doesn't and I'm exhausted especially the past couple of days." Olivia replied.

"Ok, any anxiety?" Huang asked.

"Yes." Olivia replied.

"When?" Huang continued.

"All the time, I'm wearier of people, I still have to double and triple check the locks before going to bed and I only let Elliot open the curtains in rooms we're not using when we're inside." Olivia explained.

"Any hyper vigilance?"

"Not really." Olivia lied, she had been hyper vigilance but she decided Huang didn't need to know that.

"Are you more nervous than usual?"

"What?" Olivia frowned.

"Finding yourself more jumpy around people in strange places like in coffee shops when someone brushes past you." Huang explained.

"Not that I've noticed." She lied again, she had been extremely jumpy in places when people brushed against her but she knew now where Huang was going with his questions and she wasn't about to give in to them.

"Mood Swings?" He asked.

"I don't know maybe you should ask Elliot that one." Olivia replied sarcastically.

"Ok how about flashbacks?" Huang asked.

"None." Olivia lied, but it was almost obvious she was lying as her eyes shifted down to the tin can in her hands and her voice became almost a whisper.

"Any dissociation?"

"Only in the nightmares." Olivia replied.

"Any panic attacks?"

"No." Another lie.

"Do you still feel reliant on Elliot?" Huang asked.

"Yes." Olivia nodded. "I couldn't have coped without him but now it's started to feel like he's smothering me a little."

"Ok." Huang replied. "How about your sexual relationship?"

"We had sex for the first time last night." Olivia replied playing nervously with the can in her hand again.

"Ok no flashbacks or panic attacks then?"

"I ... there was a moment ... he was letting me be in control but then I gave him the control and then that's when ... it was just a moment and I came straight out of it and carried on." Olivia explained.

"Any new fears or phobias?"

"No."

"Ok why don't we talk a little about what happened?" Huang suggested sitting further back in his seat.

"What's there to talk about? It happened, I dealt with it, I'm over it." Olivia shrugged.

"You're over it?" Huang asked his eyes narrowing.

"Yes. I don't know why everyone is still making such a big deal out of it, I'm fine and am trying to move on with my life but it seems everyone is trying to stop that from happening." Olivia snapped angrily.

"Who?" Huang asked. "Who's trying to stop that from happening?"

"Lorna, Cragen, Elliot, you." Olivia replied.

"How am I trying to stop that from happening?" Huang asked.

"You agreed with Lorna that I should see you to check and see if I still needed a shrink or not, that explains you and Lorna, Cragen seems to be walking on eggshells around me and seems to have forgotten that I am a good cop and I don't need him or anyone else tiptoeing around me. Elliot's constantly asking if I'm ok when I clearly am." Olivia explained the anger audible in her voice as well as visible on her brow.

"Ok." Huang nodded. "Now we have to talk about what happened Olivia."

"I don't want to talk about what happened!" She snapped jumping to her feet. "Don't you get it! It happened seven weeks ago and I have spent every waking and sleeping moment going over and over it in my head trying to explain it but there isn't an explination that I or anyone else can give and I am done talking about it now! I don't even want to think about it but it seems that the lot of you can't accept that I am ready to move on with my life, now leave me alone!" She yelled before walking out the room like a bulldozer.

"Liv?" Elliot asked seeing her storming down the stairs.

She said nothing but grabbed her coat and went into her locker where Elliot rushed to her.

"I'm fine, I just have something I need to do." She explained shrugging him off.

He could only watch as she went and when he heard a noise on the stairs he turned to see Huang walk down the stairs. He couldn't stop himself from flying at the doctor trapping him against the wall.

"What did you say to her?" He yelled angrily.

"Elliot ..."

"Don't what did you say that's made her so upset?"

"I didn't I asked her a question and she got upset." Huang explained while Fin and Munch tried to pull him away.

"Leave her alone! Don't you get it! She's so fragile at the moment and I don't want you upsetting her at every chance you get, leave her the fuck alone do I make myself clear?"

Munch and Fin finally managed to pull a furious Elliot away. He pulled away from them and stormed out of the bullpen needing to calm himself down before he smacked someone.

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**Taking a break from FF for a week, will update as soon as I can but school work has to come first. **


	6. 6 Telling

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Six – Telling

**Manhattan SVU**

June 2nd 2.43 pm

Huang walked into Cragen's office trying to calm himself down from Elliot's attack. Don Cragen stood up and he could tell there was something wrong with the usually calm psychiatrist.

"George?" He asked the concern echoing in his voice. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine, Elliot just ... I don't even know." Huang shrugged going over and sitting down in one of the empty chairs, he'd been in worse positions in the past but Elliot's reaction had just scared him more than any crazed psycho killer ever could.

"What did Stabler do now?" Cragen asked, he'd been having a lot of trouble with the angry detective since Olivia's kidnap.

"Olivia was crying and she rushed out without saying anything and I was coming down here to talk to you and he trapped me into the wall, I really thought he was going to hit me Don." Huang explained.

"I am at my wits end with his temper, he needs to get that under control." Cragen sighed.

"He will, once he's happy that Olivia's not fragile anymore he'll calm down, he's protective over the woman he loves it's completely natural." Huang shrugged understanding why Elliot was the way her was.

"Ok well how is Olivia doing?" He asked.

"Well Olivia has classic Rape Trauma Syndrome and I've been able to diagnose that with her lying to me every other question." Huang explained.

"How could you tell she was lying?" Cragen asked frowning, he didn't want Olivia diagnosed with rape trauma syndrome unless she actually had it.

"Olivia has a tell, one eyebrow rises a little every time she lies." Huang explained.

"I've never noticed." Cragen replied.

"You wouldn't it's a very minuet movement." Huang explained further.

"Ok so what did she say and lie about?" Cragen asked knowing he needed to know where Olivia's mental state was.

"Well she has headaches which could be nothing but most rape victims will suffer a persistent physical pain for months if not years after their assault and for many it is headaches, she also said she's been exhausted these past couple of days, it could be because she's just been used to sitting at home and doing what she wants and the last couple of days have been really tiring for her or it could be that she's struggling mentally with being back and that what's causing her to be so exhausted. Then there's the anxiety, she says she's coping with it but I'd prefer for her to take a round of anti-anxieties..."

"You know she said no prescription meds to help with the psychological side of it." Cragen explained before Huang went on.

"I know, but she might need them Don." Huang replied. "Anyway, as well as the anxiety there's the nervousness, she says she isn't more nervous or jumpy but I think that's one place she was lying. When I asked her about mood swings she was sarcastic and said that I should ask Elliot but then she freaked out on me so I would say yes to the mood swings, next up I asked her about flashbacks and she said no but ... I really think she was lying Don."

"She told Lorna she wasn't having any flashbacks and she even told me she wasn't having any, I don't think she is lying there George." Cragen interrupted.

"I know but then when I asked her about her sex life she said that last night was the first time since and she said that there was a moment, she didn't go into more detail by saying whether she froze or if it was a flashback or what but I really think she is flashing back." Huang explained knowing that Cragen could do without the details of Olivia's sex life but it was necessary for him to explain.

"Ok." Cragen nodded so he would carry on.

"Then I asked about dissociation which she says she's only getting in nightmares and I believe her, then I asked about panic attacks and she said no but again I'm not so sure she was being truthful and then I asked about her sex life which I said earlier she said last night was the first time which is a healthy sign even if she did have a flashback or froze, she admitted she's still reliant on Elliot but also said it is starting to feel like he's smothering her a little which is also a good sign for Olivia not so good for Elliot. Then I asked her if we could talk about what happened and that's where it got a little worrying, she said she was over it and you and I both know rape victims never get over it. Then she said we're trying to stop her from moving on she named you, me, Lorna, and Elliot. Then I asked her again if we could talk about what happened and she freaked out and stormed off. Saying and acting like she's over it is a part of RTS and so is refusing to talk about it." Huang explained as fully as he could and waited for Cragen to reply.

"So what do I do? Do I pull her from the field?" Cragen asked knowing this wasn't a decision he could make lightly.

"No I wouldn't, I would just keep a closer eye on her if I was you." Huang replied. "Having her in the field will help her get her life back, if we keep stopping her from being normal she's going to be worse off in the long run."

"So what do I do George?" Cragen asked again.

"I would just make her see either me or Lorna once a week and keep a close eye on her make sure she's not overworking and tiring herself out."

"She's not going to be pleased." Cragen sighed, Olivia had made the decision to not see Lorna herself, him making her see either Lorna or Huang once a week was going to be proof that he or Huang didn't trust her judgment that she was fine and dealing with the assault, he just hoped she wouldn't over react.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 2nd 3.06 pm

"How did you know where to find me?" Olivia asked as Elliot climbed into the passenger seat of their police issued Sedan.

"I'll always find you." He replied taking her hand in his own. "Now want to tell me what the mean mean doctor said that upset you?" He asked gently caressing her hand.

"Oh don't ... he's ... goodness me El what a mess." She sighed leaning her head over to his shoulder as the tears stung her eyes and threatened to fall once again.

"Come here." He said pulling her towards him.

She clumsily climbed from the driver's seat and into his lap. He wrapped her up in his arms, enveloping her as she clutched to his shirt the tears that had stung now falling.

"I've got you baby, let it all out." He whispered as she sobbed hard.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "I'm so sorry Elliot."

"Hey don't apologise." He whispered rubbing his cheek into hers.

As her tears slowly subsided he gently rocked her to comfort her.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked.

"No." She replied. "But I will, you're my fiancé, I don't want you to think I'm hiding things from you."

"I won't think that." He sighed kissing her temple. "But if you tell me maybe I can help."

"I don't think so." She said as her hand caressed his jaw.

"Tell me and I'll decide." He told her.

"Ok, you know when I was talking to Huang, I lied to him." She explained.

"You're sad because you lied to Huang?" He asked surprised.

"No, I'm sad that I had to lie." She explained.

"Why did you have to lie Liv?" He asked not understanding.

She sighed, she knew it was better to tell Elliot the truth than hide it from him, but that didn't make telling him any easier.

"Because I don't think I can be a cop anymore El." She whispered her voice cracking with the tears threatening to fall again.

"What? Liv you've been brilliant since you've been back." Elliot replied, he'd stopped worrying as much having seen her in action.

"No El, I ... I lied to Huang and said I hadn't been having flashbacks."

"What? You've had flashbacks? When?" He asked in surprise, he never thought she'd have hidden this from him.

"When I cut my head open, when I got shot in the vest, when that mother grabbed me and ..." She bit down on her bottom lip.

"Liv?" He asked knowing there was more to be said.

"When we had sex." She told him her voice almost inaudible.

"Liv why didn't you tell me? I'd have stopped." He replied the tears stinging his own eyes, he didn't want to be the one causing her pain and making her flashback.

"I didn't want to stop. It was just briefly when I let you be on top, once I flipped us over I was fine again." She explained as she broke out in more sobs, she didn't want to make him hurt.

"Oh Liv baby, it's ok." He whispered rocking her backwards and forwards gently as he soothed her.

"No it's not Elliot, I can't be a cop if I'm going to be flashing back every time I'm hit, what happens if I hesitate ... every time I've flashed back I've frozen but what happens if it's a life or death situation and it happens? What happens if someone gets hurt or killed because my mind's somewhere else?" She cried.

"Liv, baby come on that's not going to happen." He cooed gently.

"But what if it does?" She whispered.

A knock on the window had both of them jumping out of their skin, Olivia clung tight to Elliot in a panic.

"It's ok, it's only Cragen." He whispered as he unlocked the door.

Olivia didn't move as she buried her head in Elliot's chest, she didn't want her superior seeing her in such a state.

"Olivia?" Cragen asked wanting to see that she was alright.

"What?" She asked unmoving.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine." She replied still not moving from her position.

"Come back up to the squad room Liv." He told her.

"I'll be up in a minute." She replied not wanting him to see her tear ridden face.

"Ok, I'll be in my office." He replied and he gave Elliot a curt nod before leaving them again.

"Ok?" Elliot asked once Olivia lifted her head.

"What d'you think Huang's told him?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know but if we go back up there we can find out." Elliot smiled reassuringly.

"Go up without me, I'll be there in a minute." Olivia shrugged, she needed some alone time.

"You sure?" He asked gently.

"Yes! Jesus Elliot I want five minutes to myself that's all I'm asking for!" She yelled angrily.

"Ok!" He didn't like seeing Olivia angry but having her angry at him was a complete different matter. "Ok I'm sorry baby, I'll be in bullpen ok?" He leant over to kiss her but she turned her head dropping the kiss onto her cheek.

He climbed out of the car feeling guilty that he'd made her snap. The truth was it wasn't his fault, she wasn't really angry at him she was angry at herself but the point was he had caused her to snap at him and he felt guilt ridden.

She watched him go and sighed, she shouldn't have snapped at him, she didn't want to snap at him but she was fed up of feeling so closed in from everyone. Deciding that her original idea she'd had when storming off earlier was the best thing for her she started the engine and drove off.

Elliot saw the car speed past him and his heart began hammering in his chest. He ran up to the bullpen and straight into Cragen's office.

"Where's ..."

"She drove off at a speed, I don't know what she's doing or where she's going." Elliot said hurriedly, he was worried and the look on Huang's face said he should be.

"Have you tried calling her?" Cragen asked lifting up his phone as Elliot shook his head and began pacing the office floor.

"Have you got any idea where she could have gone?" Huang asked knowing Elliot was close to breaking down.

"No." He said tears swimming in his blue eyes.

"Ok, why don't you go and check your apartment, see if she's there?" Huang suggested as Cragen slammed the phone down.

"Went straight to voicemail." He explained with a heavy sigh. "Should we worry?"

Huang and Cragen's eyes were glued onto each other, if Elliot hadn't been in such a state of panic he'd be wondering what conversation they were having without using words.

"Has she taken the sedan?" Cragen asked looking at Elliot.

"Yes." Elliot nodded.

"Ok, I'll get a bolo out on the car and then you go and check the apartment." Cragen told him as he picked up the radio.

Elliot nodded and headed out he knew there was something going on inside Olivia's head, she wasn't herself, she was so far from herself that he wasn't even sure who she was at the moment, not that he'd love her any less for it.

Once the door shut Cragen put out the bolo on Olivia's car and turned to Huang.

"Well?" He asked.

"I don't know Don, I don't know how bad she is to make a judgment on this." He shrugged heavily.

"Is there any chance she'd do something stupid?" Cragen asked desperately.

"I don't know." He replied firmly. "I don't think so, she didn't mention being depressed and I didn't get that vibe from her, I wouldn't have told you to give her gun back to her if I thought there was the slightest chance of her using it against herself."

"I don't think she'd ever shoot herself." Cragen sighed.

"What do you mean?" Huang asked knowing he didn't mean anything by her state of mind.

"It's Olivia, she wouldn't shoot herself because it would make too much of a mess, that's why I asked you if there was any chance, she'd more likely hang herself or drive her car into the Hudson than shoot herself, she wouldn't want anyone to find her body like that." Cragen explained further and Huang nodded vigorously.

"That's a valid point, she's seen too many bodies that she'd never eat her gun but that makes me even more scared." Huang sighed as Cragen's phone rang.

"Cragen." He barked before listening intently. "Ok come back here, no, Elliot we'll find her."

He slammed the phone down and rested his head in his hands, Olivia was like a daughter to him and he was terrified now.

"She's not at the apartment?" Huang asked.

"No she isn't." Cragen replied getting to his feet and heading into the squad room.

"What is it Cap?" Fin asked seeing how pale Cragen was.

"Olivia's disappeared, find her, do whatever you have to do to find her. She's taken a police issued Sedan I've put out a bolo on it, just find her and fast!" He yelled before storming back into his office and Munch and Fin looked at each other before heading out the door.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

June 2nd 4.51 pm

Cragen paced backwards and forwards across his office floor, he was desperate for some news on Olivia's whereabouts because she'd been gone nearly two hours and even though she was a grown woman with a mind of her own no one was sure where her mind was and if it was in a dark place, they didn't know what could happen.

When the phone rang he dove across the room before barking into it.

"Cragen."

We have a sighting of the police issued sedan you put a bolo on sir.

"Where?"

It's just turned into the parking lot for the sixteenth precinct.

"Oh thank God ... ok, thank you leave the driver be and don't even let on that you were following her. Thank you." He hung up the phone and took a deep shaky breath before calling all his detectives to say Olivia was back at the precinct.

He then went with Huang out to meet her as she stepped into the squad room.

"Cap?" Olivia asked her eyebrows furrowed as she knew what had been going on.

"Olivia where did you go?"

"Not the right question, why is it when I get back in the car and turn the radio on I find out there's a bolo out for the sedan I'm driving?" She spat angrily.

"No one knew where you'd gone, we were worried sick!" Cragen replied walking carefully towards her.

"Captain I don't need to be babysat! I went for a drive I wanted some time alone am I not allowed to have that without you sending a search party and half the NYPD after me?" She hissed angrily.

"You did more than go for a drive..."

"Does it matter what I did George? I have the right to do whatever I want to my own body." She hissed not liking that the doctor noticed the change in her.

"I'm not desputing that..."

"Good... anyway, I had some time to think and I think what happened this afternoon has made my decision a lot easier." Olivia pulled out a manila folder from her purse just as Munch, Fin and Elliot walked in behind her. "Until this is completed, I'm off sick."

She stormed out without even looking at the three detectives who had been staring at her back. Elliot wanted to rush after her, make sure she was alright and let her know how much he'd been scared by what she had done, but he was in too much shock at how she looked and what she'd said to Cragen to be able to move.

"Don what is it?" Huang asked looking at Cragen who was reading from the folder in his hand.

"Transfer request." He whispered. "She doesn't want to be here with us anymore."

"Might be for the best Don, with everything that happened to her I'm surprised she could still work sex crimes." Huang tried.

"No there's a letter in here too." Cragen sighed handing the folder over to George so he could read the letter Olivia had thrown together explaining her reason for transferring out of SVU.

Captain Cragen,

Transferring out of Special Victims Unit has been the last resort into completely moving on from my kidnap. I have had ample weeks 'healing' time and was more than ready to return to full active duty. I really enjoyed being back at work doing what I love and being with the people I consider to be family, however, it seems that while I am able to move on from the attack others in the unit cannot and I cannot work with people who have forgotten that I am an experienced senior detective and not a vulnerable victim. I think being at Special Victims with these people is going to be a hindrance in being able to move completely forward and I believe it would be better for everyone if I was to work for a different unit.

Yours Faithfully

Detective Olivia Benson

Huang read the letter through three times before looking over at Don Cragen, he was visibly hurt by the letter.

"Captain?" Elliot turned to look at his superior officer.

"What is it Elliot?" He asked.

"If Olivia's transferring out, then I am too, I know it won't be to the same unit, I mean, I know that I'm one of the people she probably can't work with and the only reason we're allowed to continue to work together is if we're here but I can't do this job without her by my side. I don't want to work Special Victims without Olivia." He explained heavily. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to make sure that my fiancé hasn't completely lost it by cutting and colouring her hair."

Cragen watched Elliot go before stalking off into his office, he couldn't bare losing his two best detectives and he knew he would have to fix it somehow.

Huang followed him in realising that the old captain needed a friend, needed advice and needed guidance more now than he had ever needed it before in his life.

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**I know it's been a while but I hope the wait was worth it. SteffieDawn oxox **


	7. 7 Deciding

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**Sorry that it's been a while I had real writers block with this that I couldn't even begin to decide where it was going. **

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Seven – Deciding

**Manhattan SVU**

June 2nd 5.25 pm

George Huang and Don Cragen were both sat in the office in complete silence. They both needed to talk to each other and had things they needed to say to each other but at that moment they just both needed to think wisely about anything they may say or do.

"What are you think Don?" Huang eventually asked finding the silence completely deafening.

"I don't need a shrink." Cragen sighed knowing in his heart that he probably did.

"I'm here as a friend and co-worker Don." Huang replied firmly earning a look from Cragen that showed he knew that anyway.

"I don't want her to leave." Cragen explained even though Huang already guessed that. "I don't want to lose her or Stabler, they're too good."

"Do you not want to lose them as detectives or do you not want to lose them as family?" Huang asked needing that piece of information to understand and help the man.

"Both." Cragen sighed.

"Well if you want my honest opinion you can't get it both ways Don, you have to choose personal or professional, refuse the transfer request and she will disown you on a personal level, complete the transfer and she's no longer your detective." He explained.

"I know. That's the problem." Cragen sighed hard, he didn't want to lose her in either way and he knew he had to make a decision.

"There is something else..." Huang started bringing Cragen's full attention back to him. "Olivia wanting to change jobs, and cutting and colouring her hair ... Don its more signs of RTS."

"So what difference does it make?" Don asked angrily.

"It means that if we can help her then we can stop her from leaving full stop."

"And how do we do that if she keeps lying to us and pushing us away at every turn?" Don asked bitterly, he wanted nothing more than to help Olivia but she was making it really difficult.

"I don't know Don ... Is there ... no ..." Huang sighed and dropped his head into his hands.

"Tell me what you're thinking George." Don pressed knowing whatever it was concerned Olivia.

"She'd never agree to it." George sighed.

"Agree to what?" Don asked almost desperately.

"Going into a treatment centre for people with RTS." He replied.

Don shook his head. Olivia would never agree to such a thing.

"You're sure she has rape trauma syndrome?" Cragen asked firmly.

"One hundred percent." Huang replied.

"Then I think we can convince her to go to this treatment centre." Don replied.

"How?"

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**Benson-Stabler home, Manhattan**

June 2nd 7.02 pm

"I love you." Elliot smiled as he and Olivia cuddled up on the couch.

"I know. I love you too." Olivia smiled as she snuggled up into his chest.

They'd not done much talking, they'd sat and snuggled then eaten and now they were snuggling again, it was all Olivia seemed to want to do.

When the doorbell rang Olivia looked at Elliot who looked at her.

"Who could that be?" She frowned as neither of them was expecting anyone.

"I don't know, let me go answer it and we'll find out." He smiled and Olivia laughed as she leant forward to let him off the couch.

She sat back and sighed, she couldn't help but feel like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. The muffled voices from the doorway were inaudible but she couldn't help but be curious as to who was there.

"Liv it's Cragen and Huang." Elliot smiled coming into the room followed by the Captain and the Psychiatrist.

Olivia frowned, she didn't want to talk to either of them right now.

"I'll go switch the kettle on." Elliot said basically to make himself scarce.

He went through to the kitchen leaving Olivia waiting for them to say whatever it was they'd come to say.

"Well?" She asked when the men sat down, she wasn't in the mood for anyone to beat around the bush.

"Olivia, after speaking with you today I've diagnosed you with RTS." Huang said straight.

The men watched as Olivia's mouth fell wide open.

"I've not got PTSD George." She replied in an almost whisper.

"You don't sound so sure saying that Olivia." Huang replied his eyebrows raised.

"I am sure." She said firmly.

"No you're not, you know George is right Olivia, please let us help you." Cragen stated.

Olivia looked at the psychiatrist and then at her superior, she wasn't going to admit to anything and it wasn't like they could make her either.

"I don't have RTS I'd know if I did!" Olivia snapped viciously.

Cragen glanced nervously at Huang, a part of the plan was to get her to admit that she had a problem.

"There's more isn't there." Olivia stated.

"Yes. Olivia with you diagnosed with RTS you have to be pulled out of the field, no department will take you until you've received help." Cragen explained.

Olivia cackled making the two men in front of her frown.

"That's what all this is about... you know why don't I just quit because I DON'T. HAVE. RTS!" She was visibly and audibly angry and Elliot quickly bought through the coffee and sat down with his arm around Olivia trying to bring her some comfort and hoping to calm her a little bit.

"Yes you do Olivia please realise that because we're here to help you!" Huang snapped.

"How? How can you help me George? How can you stop me seeing everything he did to me every time I close my eyes? How can you stop me feeling him touching me and how can you stop all that?" Olivia yelled as the tears flushed down her cheek.

"Enough." Elliot said firmly as he pulled Olivia into his arms and held her tight as she cried, this was the first time she'd admitted how bad all this was out loud.

"Elliot we're here to help damn it!" Cragen snapped, he didn't need Elliot getting in the way of what they were trying to do.

"How?" Elliot asked as he gently rocked a sobbing Olivia.

"There's a treatment centre in Connecticut that specialises in PTSD, I've already made the call and they've got a place for Olivia there, she'd enter under a pseudo surname so that it doesn't go into her file here." George replied.

"She won't go." Elliot sighed.

"She needs this Elliot, she'll get real treatment there, the help she needs." Cragen explained and Elliot nodded, he was right Olivia did need this.

"What would it all entail?" Elliot asked knowing Olivia was listening but choosing not to show it.

"The treatment centre doesn't put a timescale on patients treatment because some will heal faster than others, they have strict daily therapy sessions, group therapy, art and music therapy or even exercise therapy whatever works for the patient." Huang explained. "She needs this Elliot."

Elliot looked down at Olivia in his arms, his heart broke for her but he knew she needed this.

"I don't want to." Olivia whispered and only Elliot heard her.

"Liv..."

"No Elliot I don't want to do this!" She yelled jumping out of his arms and looking at him.

"Think about it Liv, get the help you need and then ..."

"Shut the hell up Elliot!"

"Liv."

"No shut up! Shut up, shut up!" She screeched as she held her head in her hands.

Elliot looked nervously at Huang and Cragen, he had a plan and he just hoped it would work. Slowly he stood up and clasped his hand on Olivia's shoulder and they could see what was happening in almost slow motion.

_"How are you Olivia?" He asked and he for a moment actually sounded concerned._

_"Fine." She shrugged unsure really how to answer the question._

_This is apparently not what he wanted to here as a hand flew across her face knocking her to the floor._

Olivia spun around and her fist flew across towards Elliot, he knew that's what would probably happen but he did nothing to stop her. It hit him across the face and he actually stumbled backwards as Olivia's hands flew to her mouth.

"Oh my God Elliot!" She gasped rushing towards him. "Oh my God El, baby say something." She pleaded.

"Still sure you don't need this." He told her as he rubbed his hand across his jaw.

She looked at him, her bottom lip trembled but she wasn't going to cry instead she turned and looked from Cragen to Huang and back to Elliot before nodding.

It was like one sigh of relief echoed between the three men as they all sat down ready to discuss the plans.

"When?" Olivia asked.

"Tomorrow." Huang replied.

"That fast huh?" Olivia asked picking up her now warm coffee.

"We want to help you Liv, I set it all up and hoped you'd agree to it." Huang explained. "Cragen and I talked and figured it was worth a shot."

"Ok so what happens when I get there?" Olivia asked, she would never admit it but she was frightened.

"You'll be processed, have a full physical and then go straight into a one to one therapy session so they can assess you." Huang explained and Olivia nodded along to show she was listening. "They have a few rules of course, at first you won't be allowed to leave the building, no visitors and limited phone calls..."

"What? Why?" Olivia asked in shock.

"It's so you can focus on you for a while." Huang explained and even though Olivia wasn't happy she'd agreed to this so she nodded weakly.

"Ok." She said her voice quiet and small a clear indication of how scared she was.

"Then as the treatment progresses and you reach any milestones they set out for you then you'll get longer phone calls and visits." Huang explained.

"Sure." Olivia nodded understanding.

"Ok, I've got the print out of what you need to pack and you can decide who comes up with you to the centre to drop you off." Huang continued handing her over a list.

"Thanks." Olivia replied softly.

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**Benson-Stabler home, Manhattan**

June 3rd 6.21 am

Olivia and Elliot lay in bed. They were both awake, they had been since the alarm went at six but neither one wanted to leave. They held each other tight, both of them knowing that it would be a while before they shared a bed again, they didn't even know when they would talk again after she was dropped off.

"We need to get up." Elliot whispered before kissing her on the forehead.

"I don't want to move." She sighed rubbing her head into his bare chest.

"I know baby but the sooner we get you better the sooner you can come home." Elliot replied giving her a gentle squeeze.

"What happens if I'm not better in time for the wedding El?" Olivia asked tears stinging her eyes.

"Baby we're having a winter wedding, you'll be more than ready for the wedding." He said pulling her to look at him.

"But there's still so much to do, I haven't even chosen my dress yet." Olivia sighed.

"You'll be home by the end of the summer Liv I'm sure of it, don't worry about things that don't need to be worried about because it will delay you in healing." Elliot explained almost desperately.

"Fine, come on, let's get ready to go." Olivia sighed finally pulling back the duvet.

"What time are Cragen and Huang getting here?" Elliot asked.

"Eight." Olivia replied as she pulled on her robe.

"So we have an hour and a half to get ready and we'll be in Connecticut by nine."

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**This wasn't the original plan but this is where I decided to go with this I hope you like it. SteffieDawn oxox **


	8. 8 Stepping

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**Sorry that it's been a while I had real writers block with this that I couldn't even begin to decide where it was going. **

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Eight – Stepping

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 3rd 9.03am

The four arrived outside the treatment centre right on schedule. Olivia was visibly nervous, she was constantly running her teeth along her bottom lip and rubbing her hands along her jeans.

"Ok?" Elliot asked his hand on Olivia's thigh giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Yeah." She nodded her voice breathy with fear.

Elliot looked at Cragen and Huang through the rear view mirror and they both gave him a curt nod knowing that this was going to be tough. The two of them climbed out the car leaving the couple alone.

"Liv?" Elliot asked and she turned to look at him. "If you don't want to do this and get help some other way we will, I won't think any less of you if you change your mind now." He said knowing that she was fighting with herself internally.

"No El, I'm going to do this." She said firmly with fresh tears filling her eyes.

"Good, I'm proud of you Liv." He told her as she unbuckled herself from the car.

"I know. I love you El." She said moving in to embrace him.

"I love you too." He replied holding her tight and kissing her crown. "I love you so much."

She pulled away from him and gave him her most confident smile before the two of them climbed out of the car.

"Ok?" Cragen asked giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Yeah." She nodded as Elliot pulled her suitcase from the trunk.

"Ok let's go." Cragen smiled reassuringly before they all headed towards the main entrance.

Olivia hesitated and looked at the building. It actually looked inviting, the building had white wash walls and green grass all around. The trees that case a gentle shadow made the place look very relaxing and Olivia hoped that she'd be able to go outside and relax with it being summer she could see herself getting some down time with a book underneath one of the trees, something she liked doing on Sunday's in central park when she wasn't working.

Her hand slipped into Elliot's as they walked inside the building, her heart hammered in her chest and her hands were sweating with nerves. The reception area reminded Olivia of a doctor's office. The light purple walls were plastered with posters on PTSD which was just a reminder of why she was there. She felt Elliot give her hand a gentle squeeze as a woman stepped in behind the desk.

"Hi what can I help you with?" She smiled broadly, it was almost welcoming.

"Hi this is Olivia Bishop." Huang introduced and Olivia remembered that they wouldn't be using her real surname so it wouldn't become public record under her real name.

"Of course right well you need to sign these and then say your goodbyes and we can get you processed. I'm Amanda Wright and I'm a nurse here." Amanda smiled as she handed the forms over.

Olivia just nodded, it was obvious that she was 'Olivia Bishop' as she was the only woman there.

They went over to the couches and Olivia began filling in the forms with Elliot, emergency contact, allergies and so on.

"All done?" Huang asked when Olivia put the pen down.

"Yeah." She nodded nervously, her mouth was dry with fear. "I guess this is where we split right?"

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around Elliot and then moved on to Huang and then to Cragen.

"You'll be ok." He whispered into her ear.

She just nodded no longer trusting her voice. He kissed her temple and then she moved back to Elliot while the other two stepped back. Amanda brought over a small box with a padlock.

"For your jewellery, cell phone, watch, keys." She explained and Olivia nodded wanting a few minutes alone with Elliot before the separated.

"I'm gonna miss you." She whispered as he held her.

"I'll miss you too babe." He whispered back trying to hold back on his own tears. "I'll speak with you soon though right?"

"Of course." She nodded.

"And I'll visit as soon as I can." He added.

"I know you will. I love you so much." She cried.

Elliot blinked back his own tears because he didn't want to make her feel any worse than she already did.

"Just behave Liv, don't make things harder than they need to be." He teased.

"You know I will." She laughed as she wiggled her nose against his.

"God I love you." He whispered before crashing his lips into hers.

It was obvious that this was going to be the last kiss for a while. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his wrapped around her waist pulling her into him close. She opened her mouth to accommodate his wandering tongue as hers fought against him. When they finally separated their foreheads fell against each other and they both closed their eyes not wanting to separate.

"I love you too." She whispered as the tears fell down her face. "Go." She whispered taking a step back from him.

He gave her one last peck on the cheek before hurrying out leaving her standing with one arm across her chest clutching onto the bicep of the other arm and her eyes still closed trying not to crumble. Cragen and Huang hurried after Elliot not wanting to make it any harder on Olivia that it already was.

"You ok?"

Olivia almost jumped out of her skin when she felt Amanda's hand on her shoulder but this time she didn't throw a punch.

"Sorry." She whispered as Olivia wondered what on earth she had let herself in for, if this was really a treatment facility for PTSD Amanda should have known not to sneak up on her.

"I'm fine." Olivia shrugged taking a deep breath. "Do I need to take off my engagement ring?" She asked picking up the box Amanda had given her.

"Yeah, everything." Amanda nodded. "We only let people keep wedding rings."

"Ok." Olivia nodded as she played with the ring in her hands before dumping it in the box.

She then took off her necklaces and watch and handed the box to Amanda.

"And hair clip." She noted and Olivia sighed and pulled the clip letting her shoulder length hair fall to her shoulders.

She ran her fingers through it and missed the length she had before she cut it and let them colour it auburn with red and blonde thin streaks and full bangs.

Once the box was locked Olivia's name was placed on it and it was put into a large cabinet which Olivia guessed held everyone's valuables.

"So what now?" She asked rubbing her hand over her forehead.

"If you put your case behind here for now and then I'll take you through to get your physical." She smiled gently.

Olivia just nodded, she was worried and frightened and for the first time in a long time she felt totally alone.

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**En route to Manhattan**

June 3rd 9.34 am

"She's going to be alright Elliot." Cragen said from the passenger seat that Olivia had occupied on the drive up.

"I know." He nodded trying to hide is ever threatening tears. "I'm just worried about her you know, she's not been coping and I'm scared ..."

"You're scared she'll think we're abandoning her." Huang finished.

"Exactly." Elliot nodded keeping his eyes on the road.

"She will at some point think that but they'll help her through it as long as she opens up to them." Huang explained. "She's going to do just fine as long as she's open and honest."

"She wasn't open with you, she wasn't with me either so what on earth makes you think she will be with a bunch of strangers?" Elliot snapped angrily, he was letting everything out now Olivia wasn't here to hear it.

"I think the reason she hasn't opened up to us is because she knows we saw it, she doesn't want us to relive it like she has too." Huang explained. "Talking with someone who doesn't know the situation and who didn't sit and watch ever minute on a live feed like we did might be just what she needs Elliot."

"Right, but one call off her saying she wants to come home... then I'm coming to get her, I'm not making her live through this nightmare if she doesn't want to." Elliot said firmly.

"I'll be in the car right next to you." Cragen agreed.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 3rd 10.27am

After her physical Olivia was taken through to a therapy room. She was given a glass of water and asked to wait for the doctor to arrive. She was watching the clock on the wall opposite her. She'd already looked around the room, it had yellow walls, a white leather couch which she was sitting on now and a matching chair opposite. There was a small coffee table between them. Around the room random potted plants that Olivia wasn't sure were even real.

When the door opened Olivia looked up to see an elderly looking woman. She smiled and Olivia stood up to shake her hand.

"Hi Olivia I'm Doctor Mary Griffith but just call me Mary." She smiled.

Olivia smiled back nervously before taking her seat. Mary started pulling out a notebook and pen from a drawer while Olivia eyed her up. She was about five foot five and weighed no more than a hundred and ten pounds, she was tiny. Her dress was black with small violet flowers on and a long black cardigan. Her glasses hung round her neck on a chain and when she sat down she placed the glasses on the tip of her nose and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs in the process and placing the legal pad on her knee.

"Right this is just for me to get to know you, who is Olivia Benson?" She asked.

Olivia swallowed hard, she was here under a pseudo surname but this woman knew her real surname.

"Doctor George Huang called me personally, I know who you are I know what you can and can't say in group therapy and it was my idea to have you here under a pseudo name so that one police plaza and internal affairs bureau couldn't find out you were here and use it against you." Mary smiled.

"Right." Olivia nodded. "Why would one PP and IAB use this against me?"

"PTSD never goes away Olivia, you heal but you don't get a cure and anything happens in your job and they knew about you being here they'd blame this and you could lose your job and your pension." She explained.

"Right well thank you for covering my back then." Olivia replied giving her a curt nod in thanks.

Mary smiled and nodded back before heading into the questions.

"So why do you work sex crimes?" Mary asked starting with easy questions.

"My Mom was raped, I was a product of rape it just seemed like something I wanted to get into." Olivia shrugged as she hit her knees against each other and played with the corner of her grey snug cardigan.

"Ok, do you enjoy your job?" Mary continued noting something on the legal pad.

"Enjoy is probably the wrong word to use. I stop rapists and child abusers, I get a kick from locking the bastards up but I don't get pleasure from hunting them down because nine times out of ten I've spoken to a victims, a child, a woman, a man who has been abused, been stripped of their power so no I don't enjoy my job." Olivia explained monotonous.

"So you get a kick out of locking the perpetrators up?" Mary asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ok a kick was probably the wrong way to say it ... I get ... I get a feeling of accomplishment when I'm sat in sentencing and the perpetrators are given what they deserve." Olivia explained.

"Why does it make you feel accomplished?"

"Because usually we've spent hours upon hours searching for them, hunting them down, following the clues and chains of evidence to get them." Olivia explained and Mary smiled and scribbled more on her legal pad.

"If you couldn't work SVU anymore what would you do?" Mary asked and Olivia frowned.

"The last time I was asked that Elliot and I was being evaluated to see if we were too close, if the evaluation proved we were we would be separated, the psychiatrist asked me if I couldn't work at SVU what would I do ..." Olivia took a deep breath and hooked her eyes onto Mary's. "I couldn't answer and walked out."

Mary nodded and gave Olivia a gentle smile.

"What was the result of the evaluation?" She asked.

"The doctor decided we were too close." Olivia smiled as she remembered Cragen telling her and Elliot what they'd said.

"So you were split up?" Mary asked in surprise.

"No, the doctor said we were too close but if we were separated then Cragen would lose his two best detectives." Olivia continued to smile.

"So you and Elliot still work together?" Mary asked.

"Work together, live together and even breathe together." Olivia laughed at the irony.

Mary smiled as she saw Olivia's eyes glaze over as she spoke of Elliot.

"So how close are you and Elliot?"

"He's my partner and my fiancé, we're getting married in November." Olivia replied with a smile.

"I thought the NYPD frowned upon inter office relationships." Mary commented.

"They do, it was a massive secret until ..." Olivia bowed her head and shoved her hands in her pockets as she bounced her knees against each other.

"Until?" Mary asked.

"Until I was kidnapped, during the trial the Chief was there every step of the way and Elliot and I didn't even try and hide it and he told Cragen that we were better off together." Olivia replied with a sigh, they were now on to the sensitive topic of her kidnap.

Mary could see that Olivia was nervous about broaching the topic of her kidnap, they needed only to touch on it now and they would talk more about it during her stay at West Springs.

"Olivia, we don't need to go into detail now." She said and Olivia looked from the floor up to the grey eyes. "Just tell me what you want to for now then I have something to work with afterwards."

"What's there to say?" Olivia shrugged. "I was kidnapped, held for twenty hours, I was beat repeatedly and I was raped. Nothing more." She replied.

"Nothing more?" Mary asked surprised at this statement.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded her eyes dipping to the floor again.

"Ok, we'll leave it at that for now. Amanda will show you to your room and show you around where you can go and maybe you can meet some people before dinner and after dinner you'll have your first group therapy session, all you have to do tonight is introduce yourself, how old you are and just a brief what happened to you, then you can listen to everyone else because they discuss their individual therapy sessions and advise each other on different subjects ok?" Mary smiled getting to her feet.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 3rd 11.12 am

Amanda had shown Olivia to her bedroom which she was disappointed to find she'd be sharing, her suitcase was already there waiting for her. She was then taken through to the lounge and introduced to Katie Brooks the girl she would be sharing a room with.

"Hi." She smiled slowly extending her hand to Olivia.

Olivia slowly took it and shook her hand.

"So Olivia this is Katie, Katie this is Olivia and you two are sharing a room together." Amanda smiled. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted before lunch."

Olivia and Katie watched Amanda go before Katie sat down and tapped the couch for Olivia to take.

"So what do you do?" Katie asked.

"What do you mean?" Olivia laughed feeling like she was being asked why she was in prison.

"Job wise." Katie smiled guessing how it must have sounded to Olivia.

"Oh I'm a cop." Olivia replied. "Sex crimes."

"Oh wow." Katie replied in surprise.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "What about you?"

"I'm a Marine." Katie replied "Or was until I got discharged." She explained with a sad smile.

"My fiancé was a marine." Olivia smiled thinking of Elliot again.

"Really? What does he do now?"

"He's a cop now, my partner actually." Olivia laughed.

"Oh that's cool, hey maybe I'll go into the Academy once I'm done here." Katie shrugged flicking her long red hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah you should if it's something you're interested in." Olivia smiled.

"So what do you make of this place so far?" Katie asked moving the conversation along.

"I don't know yet." Olivia shrugged. "I mean the physical was fine, have to do annual ones with the force anyway so I knew I had nothing to worry about then I met Mary Griffith she seems uh nice?" Olivia ended it on more of a question than a statement.

"Mary is lovely, she's like the Mommy doctor around here. She and Doctor Lucas Smith do the therapy sessions, they both attend group therapy then Mary takes the women for one to one and Lucas takes the men. Have they put you on any drugs yet?"

"No, I'm not planning on going on any either." Olivia replied firmly, she hadn't let Huang give her any and she definitely wasn't going to let Mary or Doctor Smith put her on any drugs.

"I was like that when I first got here but now I'm on anti-anxieties and anti-depressants." Katie sighed, she obviously wasn't happy about being on drugs.

"Do they help?" Olivia asked.

"I think so, I feel much more like myself now." Katie replied honestly. "I just wish that I didn't need them to feel like myself you know?"

"Yeah. How long have you been here Katie?" Olivia asked unsure whether or not she wanted the answer or not.

"Three months." Katie sighed. "I'm hoping to be out of here in two weeks though."

"Three months?" Olivia was shocked. "I'm not planning on being here that long."

"I wasn't either but once I accepted the help and really opened up I closed up again and then it took a while for me to finally really accept the help if you want my advice listen to Mary, she knows what she's talking about and she will do whatever she can to help you but first of all you have to accept her help." Katie smiled.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled. "How long was it till you got to call your loved ones?"

"Three days." Katie replied and Olivia felt herself getting nauseous.

"Three days? I don't think I've ever gone that long without talking to Elliot." She gulped.

"It will fly back Livia. Honest." Katie smiled.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 3rd 1.35 pm

Olivia was lying on the small single bed looking at the white ceiling. She'd had lunch and now everyone had gone to different therapy groups and as Olivia hadn't had that interview yet she wasn't involved in any. She'd unpacked her suitcase and changed into a pair of slacks before cuddling up on her bed. Her fingers circled her ring finger feeling the missing engagement ring making her hand feel naked. When there was a knock on the door she rolled onto her side to see who it was, she was surprised to see Mary stood smiling.

"All settled in?" She asked.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded.

Mary came into the room and sat down on Katie's bed while Olivia sat up and swung her legs over the side.

"How are you feeling?" Mary asked making Olivia think of George Huang.

"I'm fine." She shrugged.

"I was told that was your favourite answer." Mary chuckled while Olivia smiled. "I was also told to never believe it too."

"Well I'm content then." Olivia smiled cheekily almost like a naughty school girl who was in trouble for something.

"Content? Missing home yet?"

"Not really just ..." Her eyes dipped to the floor, she hated admitting anything that made her sound vulnerable.

"Just?" Mary asked shaking her head waiting for Olivia to elaborate.

"Just Elliot." Olivia sighed.

"Why don't you call him?" Mary suggested handing over what was visibly Olivia's cell phone.

"I... I thought ..."

"You haven't started treatment yet so I had them retrieve your cell so you can check that Elliot arrived home safe, I'll come back and get the phone in an hour or so." Mary smiled before leaving Olivia to it.

She instantly hit the number two and went to hit call but then stopped. Suddenly a light went on behind her eyes and she clicked the number three before pressing call.

_Cragen._ The voice came after just three rings.

"Hey Cap it's Liv." She smiled on hearing his voice.

_Olivia? You haven't escaped already?_ He asked in shock.

Olivia chuckled and shook her head.

"No not yet." She smiled and Cragen could hear how light her voice sounded.

_Have you spoken with Elliot?_ Cragen asked his voice turning serious again.

"Uh no not yet." She replied. "I don't know what to say to him actually." She sighed as she lay down on her back and looked at the roof again.

_Liv he's your fiancé and partner and I bet he's already missing you, he's in the bullpen now want me to get him for you so you can speak in privet? _

Olivia debated with herself for a few minutes, she wanted to talk to Elliot but she honestly didn't know what to say to him.

_Liv?_ Cragen said snapping her into reality again.

"Uh no, no I'll call his cell, I just wanted to make sure you were all home safe that's all." Olivia said lightly.

_Ok, well you know my numbers if you need to speak with me at any point Liv, just take care and get well sweetheart_.

"Thanks, Love you." She mumbled before hanging up so he couldn't reply.

She held the phone to her chest and took a deep shaky breath before she let the tears flow, she knew now after talking to Cragen that she couldn't call Elliot yet, she missed him so much as she missed everyone at the one six but the thought of talking to Elliot now just made her home sick and she knew she wouldn't be able to survive however long until her next phone call if she spoke with him now.

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**This wasn't the original plan but this is where I decided to go with this I hope you like it. SteffieDawn oxox **


	9. 9 Facing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**Sorry that it's been a while I had real writers block with this that I couldn't even begin to decide where it was going. **

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Nine – Facing

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 4th 7.00 am

The alarm echoed through the building startling Olivia awake. At first she thought it was a fire alarm till she saw the calm waking of her roommate Katie.

"That's the wake up bell?" Olivia asked as she slowly sat up.

"Hmm." Katie nodded as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"It's too early." Olivia groaned falling sideways onto the bed.

"You've got an hour to get up and dressed before breakfast Olivia don't waste it!" Katie laughed throwing her pillow into Olivia's face just to have it fly back as Olivia laughed.

"Ok I'm up!" Olivia flinched as the pillow smacked her straight in the face causing her to laugh again.

Slowly both women got up and went over to their individual sinks. They washed and dressed Olivia opting for a pair of jeans a t-shirt and a snug cardigan and Katie a pair of grey sweats and a hooded jumper.

"So what's breakfast like in the nut house?" Olivia joked, Katie had got Olivia into the habit of calling the place all sorts of names including the nut house, the institute and more.

"Mad." Katie shrugged making Olivia laugh.

"No I mean what options are there because I'm not really a breakfast person, I like my coffee and that's it." Olivia explained.

"Oh and you'll totally get in trouble off the orderlies if you get caught skipping breakfast, I thought I'd told you that already." Katie smiled, they'd become so close so quick, she was glad to have made a friend in Olivia as her last roommate had hated her.

"No you said meals not breakfast and the orderlies can try it." Olivia frowned before laughing along with Katie.

While Katie grabbed a tray Olivia got her coffee and she waited for Katie before going to sit down. She hadn't been sat down all of five minutes before there was a tap on her shoulder and she looked to see Nurse Amanda sliding onto the bench beside her.

"Hey Amanda." Katie smiled.

"Hi." Olivia nodded before turning back to Katie who was smirking at her and obviously trying to hide a laugh because both of them had a feeling they knew why the nurse was here.

"Good Morning Olivia and Katie." She smiled before turning to Olivia who was twirling the wooden stick in her coffee.

"Did you want something?" Katie asked as Olivia turned her head in the opposite direction so she wouldn't laugh at how obvious Katie was being.

"I just wanted to talk with Olivia." Amanda smiled as Olivia composed herself enough to turn back to the Nurse.

"What about?" She asked as Katie bowed her head in a complete giggle fit.

"I just noticed you hadn't got any breakfast, you know you need to eat Olivia." She smiled gently almost patronisingly at the detective who pursued her lips as she laughed silently. "Am I missing the joke between you two?" She asked looking from Katie to Olivia as they both burst out laughing unable to contain themselves any longer. "Do either of you want to fill me in?" Amanda asked as her eyes continued to flicker from one to the other. "Or maybe a stint in the exclusion room would be some help?"

"Exclusion room?" Olivia asked her laugh subsiding when she saw Katie become instantly quiet.

"Yeah why don't you and it get acquainted?" The nurse smiled getting to her feet.

Olivia looked over at Katie with complete uncertainty, she was definitely not getting to her feet unless she knew what the exclusion room was and why she was going there.

"Olivia?" Amanda said firmly and Olivia slowly turned to look at her.

"What's the exclusion room and why do I need to go there?" She asked with her face twisted into the way she would look at a perpetrator... accusingly and her voice firm in interrogation mode.

Amanda sighed and sat down beside Olivia again but only one leg over the bench so she was straddling it and facing Olivia.

"Well?" Olivia asked before sipping at her coffee.

"The exclusion room is what you may know as solitary confinement Olivia, except it's a little more comfortable." Amanda explained.

"What like a padded cell?" Olivia asked unsure whether she was joking or not.

"No this exclusion room has a couch, it's somewhere we place patients so they can think about their actions." Amanda explained gently trying to reassure Olivia.

"Why do you want me to go in there?" Olivia asked the frown on her brow just getting deeper and deeper by the minute.

"You obviously don't want to tell me why you're not eating breakfast, maybe a stint in the exclusion room will give you space to make up some excuses to tell Doctor Mary when she has time to come see you." Amanda explained getting to her feet.

Olivia threw Katie a wink before downing the rest of her coffee and following Amanda out the door and to the exclusion room.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 4th 8.46 am

Olivia had been in the exclusion room for an hour and she was going stir crazy. She was bored out of her mind and the only place her mind could wander too was Elliot, SVU or her kidnap, and she didn't want to think about either of them at the current moment.

This room was the same pale yellow as the therapy room she'd been in with Mary the previous day. The carpet was black and the couch was brown and suede. Other than that the only thing in the room was the door.

Olivia stared at the white door and wondered if it was open and if she could just walk out of it. She wasn't known for being the most patient person, only with the victims, other than that she could definitely compete with Elliot and Fin for being the most impatient person at SVU.

As she contemplated getting up to open the door it opened wide and she found a grinning Mary walking into the room.

"Wow Olivia, I think you've beaten a record!" She laughed as she closed the door behind her and came to sit beside Olivia on the couch.

"And what record would that be?" Olivia asked in surprise, she'd expected Mary to be firm and maybe even angry that she had to waste time coming to the exclusion room to talk to Olivia.

"You've not been here twenty four hours and you're already in here... wanna tell me why?" Mary asked her tone still friendly and welcoming.

"I think it was because I didn't have any breakfast but it might have been because me and Katie had a fit of the giggles and wouldn't tell Amanda what was so funny, I'm not sure." Olivia said with a slight laugh.

"You had a fit of the giggles?" Mary asked her tone still light.

"Yeah, it was because we already knew why Amanda had come over, we were acting like school children to be fair." Olivia laughed. "But it beats being depressed!"

"I'm sure it does so why did Amanda come over?" Mary continued.

"Because I didn't get any breakfast." Olivia sighed now Mary would get serious.

"Why didn't you get any breakfast Olivia?" She asked her voice still gentle but more concerned this time.

"I haven't eaten breakfast since I was twelve!" Olivia laughed. "I'm a cop the only time I ever eat anything at breakfast time is when I've been called into work at stupid o'clock in the morning and Elliot get's hungry, other than that I'm up coffee, shower, coffee and out the door." Olivia explained trying to hide the frustration at having to explain herself.

"Don't you think eating breakfast would do you some good?" Mary continued.

"It probably would but a routine is a routine, do you know how strange it was to get washed and dressed before having my coffee this morning?" Olivia sighed, she was sure Mary wouldn't understand.

"I'm sure it was. How about you and I go back to the dining hall and we have another coffee and maybe you could try a slice of toast?" Mary suggested getting up.

"Mary a coffee sounds great but I don't eat breakfast." Olivia replied shaking her head.

"For me? One slice?" Mary tried again.

"That doesn't work when Elliot does it, so it certainly doesn't work when you do it." Olivia said getting a little frustrated with Mary not listening.

Mary sighed and realised she wasn't going to win this argument right now.

"Ok well how about that Coffee?" She smiled.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 4th 10.25 am

Olivia sat in the common room opposite Amanda. They were the only two there as everyone else had gone to their first morning therapy session. Olivia drummed her fingers along the arm of the armchair impatiently as she wasn't exactly Amanda's best friend at that moment for her having put her in the exclusion room for an hour.

"Ok so what interests you the most?" Amanda asked having already expected Olivia to answer.

"I don't draw, the only time I listen to music is when I'm on a stake out and the only exercise I do it a run around central park in the morning and then running up and down stairs for coffee or after perps." Olivia sighed angrily.

"So that's no to art therapy, no to music therapy and no to exercise therapy?" Amanda asked in surprise.

"Yes that's no to all three." Olivia snapped, she wasn't in the mood, she felt tired and just wanted to put her head down for a bit.

"Olivia, you know what the therapy plans are here, they're here to help you get better... don't you want that?" Amanda asked her voice patronising.

"Right now I just want to sleep!" Olivia hissed before jumping out of her chair and rushing off to her room.

Katie was sat in bed when she entered and she smiled at Olivia.

"What are you doing here?" Katie asked in surprise.

"Just feel like I need to put my head down, what about you shouldn't you be in therapy?" Olivia asked as she climbed onto her bed.

"Should be but I got bored." Katie shrugged. "Decided to come and do some reading, you want me to leave you so you can sleep?"

"No you're good." Olivia said with a yawn and in seconds her eyes shut and she drifted off into sleep.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 4th 12.06 pm

"Olivia?"

She could feel a hand gently shaking her awake but she really didn't want to open her eyes.

"Five more minutes." She groaned.

"It's lunch time sweetie, time to get up."

Olivia opened her eyes to find Mary sat on the edge of the bed gently waking her. A groan passed her lips as she pushed herself to sitting and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Come on, if you don't come and eat something now I'm going to force feed you myself seeing as I couldn't get you to eat breakfast!" Mary laughed as she stood up.

Olivia pulled on her shoes and grabbed elastic for her hair from her sink before following Mary down to the cafeteria. She lined up and decided to have the mac and cheese before spotting Katie and rushing over to her.

"Nice nap?" Katie asked.

"I could have slept so much longer if Mary hadn't woken me!" Olivia laughed as she tucked into her lunch.

"I'm sure you could, I dropped my book on the floor by accident and it made a heck of a thump and you didn't even stir!" Katie laughed as she played with her sandwich. "So have you chosen any therapy session yet?"

"No, I told Amanda to go to hell." Olivia replied angrily.

"Why?" Katie asked sensing Olivia's discomfort.

"I'm a cop, I'm used to running around keeping my brain active and they want me to paint or play music or exercise? I swear I'm not going to have any detective skills left when I finally get out of here!" Olivia groaned, she hated thinking of the one six but she missed her job so much right now it brought tears to her eyes.

"Don't get upset Livie please?" Katie sighed reaching her hand over and cupping Olivia's with her own.

"Sorry." Olivia sniffed wiping her eyes on the back of the hand. "I just miss my job so much you know." Olivia explained.

"I know how you feel when I first came into this place I missed the marines so much it drove me mad ... well madder than I already am."

Olivia chuckled at Katie's attempt at a joke.

"Now there's Olivia's beautiful smile." She grinned making Olivia laugh again which seemed to draw Nurse Amanda to their table again making both Olivia and Katie groan.

"You two having fun?" She smiled while both women groaned and turned their heads away. "Oh no need to be like that!" She continues.

"Has anyone ever told you that you can be so fucking patronising?" Olivia hissed as she stood up taking the bottle of water from her tray in one hand and clutching the tray in the other.

"Does someone need another spell in the exclusion room?" Amanda asked her voice chipper and a smile plastered on her face.

"No they fucking don't but I would like it if you'd get the hell out of my face." Olivia hissed, she'd finally snapped.

"There's no need to get angry Olivia." She smiled rubbing Olivia's bicep in almost a comforting manner but it just wound Olivia up tighter.

"Get your hands off me." She whispered her voice dropping low as she stared the nurse down.

"Olivia?" She asked resting her hand on Olivia's shoulder but Olivia just smacked it away.

"Code Red!" Amanda yelled and before Olivia even knew what was happening four orderlies had pinned her down and she felt a needle go into her arm before everything went black.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 4th 3.37 pm

Her head was spinning when she started to come round. Suddenly she bolted up right and looked around the room. She was sitting on a low bed in a pale grey room. There was nothing in here beside the bed and Olivia was confused as to what had happened. She climbed off the bed and walked over to the door and tried to open it. It was locked. Of course it was locked, she thought angrily. Her fist banged against it a few times.

"Hello? Anyone there?" She yelled, no reply came.

Sighing she made her way back onto the bed but as soon as her head hit the pillow and her eyes closed the door opened. It startled Olivia enough to have a flashback. Her eyes shot open, her body went rigid and her face was a picture of pure horror.

_He punched her. It connected with her jaw and she yelled out in pain. He punched her again and she screamed, one high pitch scream echoed around the room. He dropped her and she tumbled to the ground but he wasn't done with her yet. He kicked her in the stomach and she screamed again, she tried to close herself and make herself as small as possible but it made him angrier as his punches rained down on her arms, chest and legs. She stopped screaming and just held on hoping that the next punch would be his last. The beating stopped and she didn't move, she heard the door slam but still she didn't move. She was crying but she wasn't going to show him that._

"Olivia." Mary's voice came into focus and Olivia's body slowly relaxed and she looked up at Mary.

She could feel that her cheeks were wet, she'd obviously been crying but she couldn't remember starting.

"Did you just have a flashback?" Mary asked.

Olivia's instinct told her to deny it, it's what she would have done if it was Huang or Elliot or even Cragen asking her but she knew right now was the time she needed to be honest and open so she nodded weakly.

"Of what?" Mary asked as Olivia pushed herself to sitting.

"Of Toby." Olivia whispered as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Who's Toby Olivia?" Mary asked taking Olivia's hand in her own and gently stroking it.

"He was the man who kidnapped me." Olivia replied her voice hoarse with cries she didn't want to release.

"What was Toby doing in the flashback Olivia?" Mary continued, this was the perfect opportunity to find out a little about what had happened to Olivia.

"It was just after I tried to win him over, he'd cupped his hand on my cheek in a really nice way you know and so my instinct told me to do it back so he'd let his guard down, I punched him and I kicked him and I tried to get the keys for the door but he overpowered me again and he punched me over and over again and I was screaming ..." Olivia's eyes closed as the tears run down her face. "...then he kicked me over and over and punched me and it felt like it wasn't going to stop... I was so scared I couldn't move and that's when he walked out and slammed the door." Olivia felt Mary's arm wrap around her shoulders and she dropped her head onto Mary's shoulder and cried.

Mary knew many patients liked to be physically comforted, that's what separated her from a lot of psychiatrists. She gently rubbed Olivia's back as she sobbed at the memory of what had happened to her and Mary knew that this barely touched on what had actually happened to her when she had been held captive.

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**This wasn't the original plan but this is where I decided to go with this I hope you like it. SteffieDawn oxox **


	10. 10 Meeting

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**CHECK THE DATES! This chapter jumps a lot!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Ten – Meeting

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 7th 12.30 pm

Straight after lunch Olivia had made her way to the therapy room where she would spend an hour talking to Mary about her kidnap. This was a routine now, she's been in the place four days and she was quiet used to how things works. She'd ended up in exclusion more times than she thought possible because of Amanda, she didn't seem to like Katie and Olivia's closeness and seemed to intervene quite a bit which almost always ended up with Olivia in the exclusion room and if not Olivia then Katie.

Today would be the day she would talk to Mary about the rape. They hadn't mentioned it since the first time Olivia had been sat in this office meeting the doctor for the first time but they'd ended the conversation last time on when she'd gone to sleep and the next thing to happen was the rape and rescue.

"Good afternoon Olivia." Mary smiled coming into the room.

"Hi Mary." Olivia smiled back as Mary took her legal pad and pen and sat down.

"Right we'll pick up right where we left off yesterday, last thing you told me was that you went to sleep what happened next?" Mary asked.

Olivia hesitated for the first time. She chewed nervously on her bottom lip and played with the water bottle in her hand. Mary could see she was nervous, every other day she'd been quite straight with her answers giving her account of what happened from memory.

"I was asleep." Olivia started and Mary noted how quiet and timid Olivia's voice was, very unlike the strong willed Detective she'd seen so far, this was Olivia the woman coming through.

"Ok." Mary nodded to show she was listening.

"I woke up when I felt the weight of the bed change." She continued her eyes fixed firmly on the floor and her hands still fumbled with the plastic bottle. "I went to scream but his hand covered my mouth and ... I ... he said 'Don't bother wasting your energy screaming.'" Olivia closed her eyes as the memory started to play out in her mind.

"I was terrified." Olivia whispered. "He told me not to scream and moved his hand and I just managed to say Don't because I knew ... I knew what he was going to do." Olivia's voice cracked a little as she spoke and as much as she was trying to keep it together she wasn't.

"He said I'm sorry but it has to be done." She continued hearing his voice in her head as she said the words. "Then he kissed me."

A tear made its way down her cheek and she took one of the tissues that Mary handed to her and wiped it away before continuing.

"I fought him. I had too and I managed to push him off me and he yelled at me that it was a mistake and chased after me. It was dark in the room so I rushed to the furthest corner he yelled again that I shouldn't screw with him I tried to move slowly so he wouldn't be able to hear or see me but it was like he sensed me you know? Then he grabbed me and threw me onto the bed but I bounced off and onto the floor. He got on my back and I was screaming for him not to begging him to stop ..." Olivia stopped to wipe more tears from her cheeks. "He handcuffed one of my hands as he was on me and I struggled and he snapped my other wrist before he managed to lock that one too. He picked me up again and I kicked against him but it didn't make any difference, then he shoved his hands up the night gown and started touching me ..." Olivia felt nauseous but she wasn't going to stop.

"I was still screaming but it didn't make a difference it just made him more aroused, he thrust his fingers into me and it hurt so much then he told me to just in enjoy it." It was obvious to Mary that Olivia became angry the further on she went into her story. "I kicked him and ran for the door just hoping maybe he hadn't locked it this time but he ran after me and pined me into the door and he tore the dress off and I could feel his erection and before I knew what was happening he was raping me and I kept screaming over and over again, but he told me again to enjoy it. He screamed my name when he climaxed and then he carried me back to the bed and I'd given up, I couldn't fight him anymore and then he put his tongue to me and commented that he could taste blood and I was so tired and that's when Fin's voice echoed across the room." Olivia dropped her head into her hands as her body wracked with sobs, this was the first time she'd really told her story as no one had needed her to say it all before as they had the tape.

"Who's Fin?" Mary asked not wanting Olivia to shut down when they'd gotten this far.

"SVU Cop, closest thing I've ever had to a brother." Olivia replied once she'd gathered enough energy to speak.

"Do you remember what he said when he came into the room?" Mary asked.

"Yeah he said NYPD Step away from the girl." Olivia replied with a soft laugh. "Always a cop."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 10th 3.07 am

Katie and Olivia were used to sharing a room to the point any noises emanating from the other didn't disturb them. However, Katie woke to Olivia tossing and turning and almost yelling in her sleep. She slowly climbed out of bed and went over to the detective. She sat on the bedside and grabbed Olivia's shoulders gently as she tried to wake her up.

"Come Olivia wake up for me." She cooed.

"Don't Toby please don't!" Olivia was yelling.

Katie and Olivia talked about a lot of things, mainly their families but never the reason they were there. Katie had PTSD in every sense of the word. She'd had it after a stint with the marines that cost her three comrades lives and she had to discharged. Olivia's story was not one she had shared, she hadn't told Katie why she was there but Katie guessed it was after being almost shot and losing a fellow detective, she didn't know how wrong she was.

"Toby get off me! Please don't do this again!" Olivia's voice echoed around the room.

"Come on Livia you need to wake up." Katie chanted hoping to stir the detective from her sleep.

Katie started to think of all the people she had been told about in Olivia's life. There was a man named Fin and another called Munch (she'd laughed for hours at this name!) and then her fiancé was called Elliot. Her boss was called Cragen and the psychiatrist had some Chinese name. Then Olivia's best friends were called Alex, Casey and Melinda and she realised she'd never heard anyone talk about Toby.

"Don't touch me Toby!" Olivia's voice was getting louder and louder and her thrashing in the bed was almost too much for Katie to handle as she tried almost desperately to rouse Olivia from her nightmare.

The door to the bedroom swung open just as Olivia shot upright and started screaming still thrashing about. The six who had entered the room dived towards the bed. Two moved Katie out of the way while the others pinned Olivia down just long enough to stab her bicep with an injection sending her into a calmer sleep.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 10th 11.22 am

"Hey." Katie smiled as she came into the bedroom, Olivia had just opened her eyes.

"What time is it?" Olivia asked her voice still slurred, the after affects of the drugs.

"Twenty after eleven." Katie replied smiling happily.

"I slept through the alarm?" Olivia asked frowning, that alarm was so loud she thought no one could sleep through it.

"Yeah with the help of the injection you got at three this morning." Katie laughed but Olivia just looked even more confused.

"Injection?" She continued, she felt the need to know what happened.

"Yeah you had a nightmare around three this morning I tried to wake you but you just got louder and louder and then the orderlies came in and knocked you out." Katie explained as Olivia rolled onto her back and clutched her hand to head.

"Olivia?" Katie asked sitting on the edge of her bed.

Olivia rolled onto her side so she could see Katie and she could see whatever it was she was going to ask was serious.

"You can tell me to mind my own business but ... who's Toby?" She asked a little weary of asking but she was intrigued and wanted to know who had been haunting Olivia's nightmares.

Olivia sighed and sat upright shifting her pillows into the corner of the wall so she could sit comfortably and look at Katie.

"You don't have to tell me." Katie said hurriedly because she could tell that Olivia was uncertain.

"No I want to, I guess it's just hard to talk about." Olivia replied. "You know you're here because you have PTSD from the marines..." Olivia began and Katie nodded in reply. "Well I'm not here because of my job not really anyway." Olivia shrugged, she hadn't been very open at all in group therapy preferring to listen and offer advice like she did to her victims in SVU than open up about her own experience. "I was kidnapped on April the first, I was held captive by a Behavioural Analyst Scientist named Toby McArthur, I was captive for twenty hours, he gave me mild Stockholm syndrome because in between beating me to bloody pulp he would be nice and kind and he only beat me when I did something wrong..." Olivia sighed at the memory flooding her mind. "Then he raped me." She said and Katie quickly wiped the tear coming down her cheek and got onto Olivia's bed and Olivia pulled her into a comforting embrace, she was fifteen years older than Olivia and she felt the need to give her comfort from what she was telling her.

"Did they get him?" Katie asked.

"Yeah, he's spending the rest of his life behind bars." Olivia replied as she stroked her hand down Katie's arm as Katie snuggled into Olivia's shoulder with her arms wrapped around her waist.

"You didn't deserve that." Katie whispered into Olivia's shoulder.

"No one deserves anything like that." Olivia replied. "In the same way you didn't deserve to lose your friends and Elliot didn't deserve to have to watch my kidnap and beatings and rape on a live feed."

"Oh my God." Katie exclaimed.

"Yeah as did George Huang and my captain and Alex and Casey, none of them deserved to have to watch that." Olivia wiped a tear away.

"So that's why you're here?" Katie asked just to clarify.

"Yeah, I have a form of PTSD known as Rape Trauma Syndrome." Olivia explained with a sigh.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 13th 8.26 am

Olivia was sat in the cafeteria sipping her coffee and eating a round of toast that Amanda had managed to get her to eat every morning after the fourth she'd ended up in the exclusion room for refusing breakfast.

She'd been a patient at West Springs for ten whole days and she was finally starting to get better, she was still jumpy and had some flashbacks but she was definitely feeling more herself for the first time since the night Toby kidnapped her.

"You're excited!" Katie smiled as she observed Olivia finish off her coffee.

"Of course I am, I haven't seen my family in ten days, I don't think I've ever gone ten hours without speaking with or seeing them!" Olivia laughed.

"What time will they be here?" Katie asked, she didn't want to admit it to Olivia but she was actually looking forward to meeting the men Olivia openly called her family.

"Nine, I'm going to let them come in here and have a coffee first then maybe a walk before lunch." Olivia smiled, she just couldn't wait to see everyone.

"It's going to be a good day Olivia. Just enjoy it." Katie smiled as she sipped at her own coffee.

"I just hope I look more like myself, I kinda let go a bit the first few days." Olivia laughed, she'd made sure to put on some make up and do her hair like she did for work for today knowing that it would have a big effect on the guys.

"You look fine Olivia, I don't think they'll really care about how you've styled your hair or that you've put on some lips gloss!" Katie chuckled just as Amanda approached their table.

"Oh here we fucking go." Olivia mumbled making Katie burst out laughing while Olivia shared a cheeky grin.

"Good morning ladies." Amanda grinned coming to sit down beside Olivia and opposite Katie on the bench.

"Morning." They both mumbled avoiding each other's eyes because they spent so many hours making fun of Amanda when she wasn't around it was hard to face her when she was.

"So Olivia are you looking forward to seeing your family?" Amanda asked.

"Yup." Olivia replied having learned to stick to one word answers with Amanda.

"You don't sound too excited." Amanda sighed.

"Oh I am, just I'm cold hearted and don't show my emotions." Olivia replied and she could see Katie convulsing with laughter.

It was Katie's fault Olivia had come out with this comment, she'd heard Amanda telling another orderly that she wasn't sure Olivia had any emotions beside anger and Olivia had made game to play on that without telling Amanda she knew.

"You're not cold hearted Olivia." She smiled broadly her tone as patronising as ever.

Katie couldn't control herself, she was trying to hide her laughter but Amanda had seen it and sighed making Olivia get a fit of the giggles.

"You two behave like teenagers did you know that?" Amanda laughed a fake laugh as her own paranoia increased.

"Of course we did, it makes this place not seem like the dungeon it can feel like." Olivia replied as Katie took very deep breaths trying to pull herself together.

"You feel this place is a dungeon?" Amanda asked a little bit surprised.

"No it's a prison." Katie laughed as did Olivia while Amanda frowned.

"You two really need to behave your age, I'm going to be having words with Mary about separating you two I think you're too much influence on each other." She sighed getting to her feet and she wasn't even out of ear shot when Olivia and Amanda burst out laughing.

The truth was they were an influence on each other, they were practically inseparable. Olivia took the same therapy classes as Katie, they shared a room, they spent their free time together the truth was they were slowly becoming dependant on one another.

"Olivia." Mary smiled coming towards her table, this was a rare occurrence to see Mary at breakfast so everyone had turned to look.

"What is it?" Olivia asked placing her now empty coffee cup on the table.

"Your family are here." Mary smiled and Olivia beamed and looked at Katie who nodded, Olivia had asked her to come with her when they arrived so they quickly clasped hands and followed Mary towards the main entrance.

She was a bubble of emotion. She was excited to see them again, Alex and Casey was in court and Melinda had apologised that she had too much else going on but Cragen had managed to get the 2-1 to cover all SVU for a day and Munch, Fin, Elliot, Cragen and Huang had travelled up to visit her.

As soon as she saw Elliot she dove into his arms and he swung her around before they shared an earth shattering kiss.

"God I've missed you." She whispered as he held onto her tight.

"I've missed you too baby more than you'll ever know." Elliot replied trying to hold back on his tears.

Everyone just smiled at the scene taking place in front of them. Katie felt like she was intruding and even felt shy but at the moment all attention was focused on Olivia which she was very grateful for.

"Cap." Olivia smiled wrapping her arms around her surrogate father's neck and planting a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Hey Liv." He smiled returning the embrace.

She then moved on to Fin who also picked her up and swung her around.

"Hey baby girl hows it goin'?" He asked as he placed her on the floor again.

"Great, better at seeing your ugly mug though." She laughed as she playfully punched him in the shoulder.

"Am I invisible or something?" Munch asked as Olivia turned to face him.

"Never!" Olivia laughed as she received an awkward embrace from the man.

"How are you Liv?" He asked as she stepped back.

"All good." She smiled before stepping to Huang and giving him an embrace that told him how thankful she was.

"You're looking good Liv." He smiled gently.

"I think I owe all this down to you and Mary." Olivia replied as she stepped back to look at her 'family'. "God I've missed you guys!" She sighed trying to pull them all into an embrace which they all stepped into, hooking their arms around each other knowing Olivia needed to feel that connection. "Now..." Olivia stepped back and grabbed Katie and pulled her towards everyone. "This is Katie my new partner." She winked over at Elliot.

"In crime!" Mary pointed out making everyone laugh but mainly Katie and Olivia.

"Well she say's crime but we're not criminals we're delinquents." Olivia whispered into Katie's ear making both of them laugh hard and leaving everyone else clueless to the joke, including Elliot who felt a little put out by this.

"As you can see Olivia has made a real friend in Katie, they're like this all the time." Mary smiled as Olivia and Katie desperately tried to regain themselves.

"Ok Katie I've told you about everyone but here they are in person, my darling fiancé and partner Elliot, my brothers and fellow cops Munch and Fin, then my Captain Don Cragen and the squads shrink Doctor George Huang." Olivia explained happily.

"Nice to finally meet you all." Katie smiled shyly.

"Now who's for coffee?" Olivia asked and she laughed with Katie as relieved smiles filled the men's faces.

Olivia took Elliot's hand as she showed everyone to the cafeteria, she'd missed him more than she could even begin to explain to anyone, it was like she'd been without a limb for ten days, without her crutch and they'd barely spoken on the phone as she had been calling Huang and Cragen a lot as well as some phone calls to her friends. She couldn't begin to explain to Elliot why she couldn't call him as often as she could use a phone, she felt nauseous every time she hung up the phone.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 17th 12.25 am

"Good afternoon Olivia how are you feeling?" Mary smiled as she came into the therapy room.

"Fine." Olivia mumbled and Mary could see that she was far from fine.

"What's bothering you?" Mary asked.

"Nothing." Olivia shrugged as she sat back into the couch, she was bored and wanted to go home now more than ever.

"Are you sure?" Mary questioned her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"I'm fine now can we get on with this?" Olivia snapped through gritted teeth.

Mary was shocked, she'd not seen Olivia react like this towards her so she put down her notebook and leaned forward her eyes fixed firmly on Olivia.

"What's got your rattled?" Mary asked softly.

"Nothing." Olivia replied instantly.

"Olivia, you've been a patient here for fourteen whole days and not once have you behaved like this especially not with me, I've seen you rattled with Nurse Amanda a few times but something's bothering you and I need you to open up to me so I can help you, it's why you're here." Mary tried.

"It has nothing to do with why I'm here." Olivia replied angrily.

"So you admit that something's bothering you then." Mary noted out loud and Olivia nodded and sighed relaxing her face a little.

"If you talk to me Olivia I can help you but if you don't then I'm stuck." Mary explained and Olivia nodded again. "So what is it?"

Olivia played with the edge of her cardigan nervously, she wasn't sure how to say but she knew she had to say something before this ate you alive.

"I'm late." She croaked.

"Late?" Mary asked with a confused frown.

"My period is late." Olivia explained.

"By how much?" Mary continued.

"Four maybe five days." Olivia shrugged.

"That happens with stress Olivia, are you feeling particularly stressed?" Mary continued.

"No, or I didn't until I was late." Olivia sighed.

"Olivia they conducted a pregnancy test when you arrived and it was negative." Mary replied but Olivia chuckled and shook her head.

"If I was pregnant when I arrived it wouldn't have shown up Mary, I only had sex two nights before I arrived." Olivia explained. "Barely thirty six hours had passed when you took that test."

"Ok." Mary nodded. "Let's go to the physical room now and we'll take a blood sample." Mary smiled. "But it could take some time for the result to come back."

Olivia just nodded and followed Mary out of the room hoping that the result would put her mind at some ease, she wasn't sure if she wanted this or not.

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**Liv is she pregnant or not?**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	11. 11 Learning

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**CHECK THE DATES! This chapter jumps a lot!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Eleven – Learning

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 17th 5.27 pm

Olivia and Katie were sat having dinner together. She was trying not to think of the looming test results and concentrate on having fun with her friend but it was very difficult not to worry and be frightened. Katie was aware something was bothering Olivia but she knew not to ask trusting that Olivia would tell her in her own time. When Amanda came over to chat with them Olivia wasn't her usual self either being sarcastic but not in her usual joking manner.

"So how are we this evening ladies?" Amanda asked cheerfully.

"Great." Olivia sighed pushing the plate away, she felt sick and couldn't eat.

"Katie?" Amanda asked turning to the other woman.

"Fine." Katie smiled before glancing worriedly at Olivia.

"Olivia what's up sweetie?" Amanda asked rubbing her back gently.

"Nothing." Olivia replied her head dropped into her arms on the table.

"Olivia..."

"I just don't feel well." Olivia replied. "I feel nauseous." She explained further.

"Do you want some water?" Amanda asked but Olivia shook her head, she didn't want anything.

"Liv try having something to settle your stomach, ginger ale or crackers I'm sure Amanda won't mind going to find some." Katie tried and Amanda nodded to Katie.

"I'm fine." Olivia replied getting to her feet. "Just leave me alone yeah?"

Amanda and Katie watched her go and as soon as she was out the door Amanda turned to Katie.

"What's wrong with little miss sunshine?" Amanda asked having nicknamed Olivia that in the first week.

"I don't know she didn't tell me." Katie shrugged knowing that even if Olivia had she wouldn't betray her confidence. "Why don't you go and ask her?"

"She doesn't like me." Amanda replied simply.

"Are you surprised?" Katie asked raising her eyebrows at the nurse.

"What do you mean?" Amanda frowned not understanding what Katie was getting at.

"She's a forty plus year old woman and you talk to her like a teenager, she's a cop who gets more respect from paedophiles and rapists than she gets from you." Katie hissed before carrying her tray away leaving the nurse with something to think about.

Olivia didn't bother going back to her room, instead she made her way outside into the garden where the sun was still shining brightly. Slowly, she made her way down to the trees and sat down looking out over the large lake that was fenced off but still beautiful. She'd only just earned her outdoor privileges, the only time she'd been allowed out previously was with a nurse or orderly, now she spent most of her time outside with a book or going for a jog around the large garden, it have her freedom and time to think.

"Olivia!" She heard Mary's voice echoing in the distance.

Shielding her eyes from the sun she stood up and saw the doctor approaching her.

"Hey." Olivia smiled weakly, she wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone.

"I thought you'd want some privacy to open this." Mary said handing her a sealed envelope.

"Do you know what it says?" Olivia asked.

"No and I put it in as a Jane Doe so whoever ran it doesn't know either, you'll be the first." Mary explained and Olivia nodded gratefully. "Do you want me to stay while you read it?" Mary asked knowing that Olivia might want to be alone.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded as she sat back down.

With trembling hands and under the watchful eye of the psychiatrist Olivia opened the brown envelope and pulled out the folded piece of paper. She let out a shaky breath before taking in a deep one and holding it before looking at the result.

Positive.

Shit.

Olivia looked up at Mary as the tears pooled her eyelids.

"Well?" Mary asked and Olivia just nodded.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered wiping away her tears as her other hand rested against her flat stomach.

"How do you feel about this Olivia?" Mary asked gently taking her hand into her own.

"Feel?" She asked questioningly and Mary nodded. "I need this to sink in first."

"Why?" Mary asked.

"I've wanted to be a mother for so long Mary, so long, but I thought that it would never happen you know? Elliot has four kids of his own from his first marriage and I didn't think he'd want anymore and I guess I already settled with the fact that I would never have kids of my own. I was rejected by an adoption agency and in vitro never really appealed to me before Elliot and then when he and I got together I think I made peace with not having children of my own." She sniffed and wiped away more tears.

"How do you think Elliot will feel about this news?" Mary asked gently.

"I don't know." Olivia replied shakily. "I really don't know."

"Call him." Mary said taking out Olivia's cell phone from her pocket.

"I thought ..."

"I didn't know the result but I figured you'd want to talk to someone whether it was positive or negative." Mary smiled. "Take your time, I'll be on the benches if you need me ok?"

"Thank you." Olivia whispered before watching the older woman walk away.

As soon as Olivia was sure she was out of ear shot she didn't call Elliot, she called the person who she needed advice from first.

"Cragen."

"Hey it's Liv." She said trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying but to no avail.

"Liv? Are you ok? Is everything alright? What's happened?" He asked hearing the tears in her voice.

"Don ... I'm pregnant." She said before bursting out into tears and resting her head onto her knees.

"Olivia, my darling, sweetie don't get upset." He was almost pleading with her because he hated hearing her so vulnerable.

"I don't know what to do." She cried.

"Have you told Elliot?" He asked. "The baby is Elliot's right?"

"Of course it's Elliot's." She snapped angrily hating that Cragen was questioning her.

"Ok I'm sorry I had to ask to be sure, why don't you call Elliot and tell him." Cragen suggested because he had no idea what to say to her.

"What do I do if he doesn't want any more children? What if he hates me for getting pregnant?" Olivia sobbed hard.

"Then you call me right back." Cragen said firmly. "Ok?"

"Ok." She replied weakly.

"Now call you fiancé." He said before hanging up the phone.

Without even thinking about it she called Elliot.

"Stabler."

"Hey El."

"Oh Liv it's so good to hear your voice how are you?" He asked.

"Elliot I've got some news." She told him trying to sound normal.

"News?"

"Yeah ... El... uh I don't know how to tell you this but uh..."

She could almost hear his heart hammering inside his chest through the phone.

"Elliot I'm pregnant." She said hurriedly.

"Pregnant?" He asked in shock.

"Yeah." She replied closing her eyes and praying he wouldn't get angry.

"We're having a baby?" He asked and Olivia could hear almost what sounded like excitement in his voice.

"Yeah El we're having a baby." She replied and his cheers echoed into her ear making her laugh and cry in happiness, she was finally going to be a Mom.

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**Just a short filler really so that you all can stop harassing me about leaving a cliff hanger of sorts. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	12. 12 Failing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twelve – Failing

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 1.15 am

Olivia had not long dropped off to sleep, it had been a long day and she couldn't hide the fact that even though Elliot was happy that she was pregnant she was still terrified, because inside her now was a tiny human being that needed her protection and in around nine months she would have a completely helpless and vulnerable baby that would need everything from her, she was petrified.

"Liv? Liv?" Katie called hearing soft whimpers coming from the direction of her friends bed.

"Don't, please," Tiny little cries passed through Olivia's lips and Katie knew if Olivia wasn't awake soon then the orderlies would be in sedating her again.

She climbed out of her bed and gently shook her friend.

"Olivia, come on wake up!" She whispered loudly.

"What where am I? Shit." She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"You were having a nightmare, are you ok?" Katie asked her softly.

"Yeah." Olivia whispered back her voice quivering, she'd had yet another nightmare about Toby McArthur but this time he was stealing her baby from her.

"Liv you're sweating." Katie commented as she swept the detectives hair out of her face. "Are you sure you're ok?" Katie asked softly.

"No." Olivia whimpered as tears filled her chocolate eyes.

"Want me to hold you?" Katie offered and Olivia shifted in her small single bed to make room for Katie.

They both cuddled into the bed and Katie naturally held her arms almost protectively around Olivia's waist and Olivia held onto Katie's arms.

"Kate, you know I was in a real bad mood earlier?" Olivia began.

"Yeah?" Katie replied knowing Olivia was going to explain something to her now.

"It's because I was waiting for something, some test results of Mary." She whispered, she knew the news would probably be as good for Katie as it was for Olivia.

"Test results? Are you sick?" Katie asked panicking.

"No I'm not sick Kate, I'm pregnant." She told her.

"Ahh!"

"Shhhhhh!" Olivia turned and put her hand over Katie's mouth silencing her very loud scream.

They both froze expecting the orderlies to rush in any second but it seemed that Olivia had been just quick enough. As Olivia relaxed and pulled her hand from Katie's lips they both laughed quietly feeling like naughty teenagers who were trying not to get caught awake after bed time by their parents.

"You're going to be a Mommy!" Katie whispered excitedly. "Hi Livia's baby." She rubbed Olivia's still flat stomach making Olivia laughed, she was pleased Katie was happy for her, it meant however long she was going to be here as long as Katie was here she'd be ok.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 12.15 pm

As per her schedule Olivia had finished her lunch and then gone straight to the therapy room to meet with Mary.

"Hello Olivia." Mary smiled as soon as she entered the room.

"Hey." Olivia smiled back as Mary gathered her things getting ready for the session. "So how are we today?" She asked as soon as her notepad was on her lap.

"Fine." Olivia shrugged unsure what else to say.

"Just fine?" Mary questioned.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded a little flustered, Mary didn't often question how she said she felt.

"So has the news sunk in yet?" Mary asked.

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged. "I told Katie last night, I wanted her to know if anyone." Olivia explained.

"Olivia do you realise I have to tell the oderlies?" Mary asked.

"No why?" She replied her eyes wide with panic.

"The drugs that you've been given in the past while here aren't suitable for someone who's pregnant after the fourth week mark, and so if they need to drug you for any reason they need to know to use the lighter ones that are suitable for pregnant women." Mary explained.

"Whoa! Hold up." Olivia said running her hands through her hair as she spoke. "No one and I repeat no one will inject anything into my body while I am carrying this baby." She said firmly.

"Olivia …"

"No! No way, I want my child to make it to full term and be born healthy and I am taking no risks, it's bad enough that I'm a woman over forty having my first child no, no way." She shook her head.

"Olivia when you came here one of the forms you signed consented to the use of sedatives in cases of extreme emotional disturbance." Mary explained why they had been able to sedate her.

"Then I am removing my consent. No one is injecting me with anything while I am pregnant I swear to God one needle comes anywhere near me and I will take you to court and believe me when I say I know some pretty good lawyers who owe me a favour." Olivia hissed angrily her arms crossed protectively in front of her flat stomach.

"If you remove your consent Olivia you can no longer be a patient here." Mary said sadly.

"Fine, then I guess I'll go pack." Olivia replied getting to her feet.

"Olivia…" Mary called after her but she'd already walked out the door in a hurry to begin packing her things and go home.

She didn't even get five minutes alone before Amanda was in her room.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked angrily.

"There's no need to be rude Olivia, Mary told me to tell you to stop packing and relax, you have a visitor on the way." Amanda explained.

"Who?" Olivia replied stopping to look at Amanda.

"I don't know sorry hon' I just know Mary told me to let you know someone's on the way to visit you." And on that she walked off leaving Olivia stood in her room desperately wanting to pack but now thinking about who was possibly coming to visit her.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 1.36 pm

After hearing from Amanda that someone was coming to visit her Olivia had laid down on her bed and had drifted off to sleep. She was now being gently shaken awake and she definitely didn't want to be awake.

"Come on Liv wake up."

Hold on she recognised that voice.

"Liv… I'll go get cold water and drop it on you."

"I dare you George." She mumbled without even opening her eyes.

"Then wake up." He laughed softly.

"I'm awake." She mumbled into the pillow.

"Ok get up then." He smiled knowing Olivia to be the one with an answer for everything.

Grumbling, she sat up and plumped up her pillows so that she could sit back.

"So you here to help me break out?" Olivia asked knowing the reason he was here was the complete opposite.

"You know I'm not." He sighed as he sat down on the side of her bed. "Liv you need to stay."

"I'm not staying here where my child is going to be at risk George." Olivia told him firmly.

"Your baby isn't at any risk Olivia, they have medication that will not affect the foetus in anyway, these have been through rigorous testing, they wouldn't have been approved had they not and believe me when I say because these were developed for pregnant women the testing was much harder than with normal drugs." George explained.

"I just don't want anything to happen to my baby." She whispered softly.

"I know Liv, I wouldn't have driven up here to persuade you to stay if I thought any harm would come to your child, if I thought that harm would come to you or the baby I would have you out of here in seconds." He explained gently as he took her hand into his own.

"You really think I should stay?" She asked him.

"I think the worst thing you could do now is leave." He replied softly.

"Ok." She nodded. "Ok."

A knock on the door had them both turning to look at the door.

"So are you staying?" Mary asked gently as she stood in the doorway.

"I guess so." Olivia shrugged, she didn't like to admit that she'd caved.

"I'm pleased, I hope you don't think I'd let any harm come to you or the baby Olivia. I know you don't know me as well as you know George but I care about you and I would never let anything happen to either of you." She smiled.

"I know." Olivia nodded. "I guess I just panicked."

"That's alright, now why don't we go and have a coffee in the dining room before George travels back?" Mary smiled.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 3.45 pm

Olivia sat underneath a large tree looking out across the water, her hand subconsciously rubbing against the stomach. Katie was sat beside her with her nose in a book which she often did when it was obvious Olivia didn't want to talk. This was their free time so when Amanda sat down in front of them they both groaned inwardly.

"Do you mind? You're blocking my sun." Olivia moaned her eyes hidden behind her favourite aviator sunglasses.

"Too much sun isn't good for the baby." Amanda replied.

"Have you got any children Amanda?" Olivia asked as Katie put down her book ready to enjoy an argument she knew was unfolding.

"No I don't Olivia." Amanda replied in that annoying patronising tone that always got on Olivia's nerves.

"Then don't tell me how to take care of mine." She replied angrily.

"Olivia, we've been told to make sure you look after yourself and the baby that's all I'm doing." Amanda replied.

"I'm here as a patient Amanda, you can make sure I follow all the stupid rules when it comes to my wellbeing but when it comes to decisions about my child I will make them if I want to drink coffee then I will, if I want to sit the sunshine four a couple of hours I will do I make myself clear?" She asked dryly.

"I think you need a stint in the exclusion room Olivia, you really do need to keep that attitude in check you know Hon'." Amanda told her.

"I swear to God I'm going to punch her one of these days." Olivia mumbled to Katie making her giggle profusely.

"You think resorting to violence is a good idea Olivia?" Amanda asked and Olivia was glad she was wearing her sunglasses as she rolled her eyes and ran her hand through her hair deciding not to answer Amanda this time. "So I'm getting the silent treatment now?" Amanda was almost pouting and Olivia turned to Katie and jutted out her lips making her bottom lip tremble a little to mimic Amanda which had Katie crying with laughter.

"Livia please?" Katie was laughing so hard her side hurt and Olivia had an evil smirk on her face as she supressed her own laughter knowing Katie wanted her to stop making her laugh because it hurt too much.

"Olivia I'd like you to go to the exclusion room and take a break." Amanda sighed.

"I'd like you to get out of my face too but it seems like we're both out of luck." Olivia replied sarcastically as Katie burst with more laughter, no one could make her laugh quite like Olivia.

"Olivia am I going to have to have you carried there?" Amanda asked angrily.

"You're going to restrain a pregnant woman?" Olivia asked raising her eyebrows daringly.

"If I have too." Amanda nodded.

"Go to hell." Olivia spat, there was no way anyone was going to lay a hand on her.

Amanda shook her head, she was at her wits end with Olivia. The truth was she didn't realise that it was her who annoyed the detective, it was nothing to do with emotions or stress or anxiety it was just her tone of voice and attitude that got on Olivia's last nerve.

"Olivia I will go and fetch Mary." She tried to threaten her but Olivia heard the desperation in her voice.

"You know Amanda just go away." Olivia said her tone echoing the boredom she felt from this argument.

"No Olivia I would like you to take time out in the exclusion room and I will not move until you do." Amanda replied.

Olivia sighed and got to her feet.

"See ya in a bit Kay." She smiled to Katie.

"Lova ya!" Katie laughed making Olivia turn back and flash her a wicked smile.

"Love ya too!" She called in a sing song voice making Katie laugh again.

"You and Katie are incredibly close." Amanda said as they walked along the grass towards the building.

"You know I don't need to be escorted right? I do know the way." Olivia replied ignoring her previous statement.

After this Amanda decided saying nothing was better and left Olivia to her own thoughts, little did she know that Olivia's thoughts had gone to a very dark place all of a sudden and she had no control over it.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 4.08 pm

When the door slammed shut behind Olivia as she walked towards the couch she flashed back to the same scene she had when she'd last heard a door slam. She started to shiver subconsciously, her heart beating hard in her chest, her body sweating.

As soon as the flashback ended she felt the tears stream down her cheeks as her breathing began to normalise.

Olivia suddenly realised that a lot had changed in the exclusion room, there were objects in here now other than the sofa, there was a book shelf filled with a variety of books, a radio on a small table and a sketch book with a pack of pencils.

However therapy was the last thing on Olivia's mind. She couldn't stop thinking about Toby McArthur, how he'd violated her body, how his hands had touched her, taken something sacred from her. Without thinking about it she drew back her fist and slammed it into the plaster wall beside the door. The plaster was thin and her fist went straight through it as she cried out in pain and frustration.

What happened next didn't surprise her. Amanda and a team of orderlies rushed in and a needle was stabbed into her bicep, she was held up as she fought against the sedative but of course the drug won and soon sleep engulfed her.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 18th 10.47 pm

When Olivia started coming around she went to roll onto her side but found that her wrists were bound. She pulled at her legs and found that they were bound too. Four point restraints, now this was going too far in her opinion. She opened her eyes slowly and found a bright light shining above her. She didn't recognise the room that she was in as she moaned and rolled her head to the side to get a better look.

There was nothing but a door to see so she quickly rolled her head the other way just to find a blank white wall.

Great! Fucking Great! She thought as she shivered against the cold air of the room. When she closed her eyes the picture behind the lids wasn't pretty. She felt Toby on her back pulling at her already cuffed wrist trying to get to the other one, she struggled and fought against him but it was all in vain as he clutched her hand breaking it in the process.

She screamed, one loud scream that reverberated around the room. Her eyes filled with tears and harsh sobs wracked her body.

"Olivia! Olivia you're ok!" Mary's voice filled her ears but brought her no comfort.

Mary made haste in removing the restraints and pulling Olivia into her chest allowing the woman to sob hard.

"You're ok." Mary soothes as she ran her hand through Olivia's hair and down her back.

"I was there again." She choked out. "With Toby."

"You're safe Olivia, you're not there I promise." Mary whispered as she started to blame herself for the state the detective was in, she knew what had caused the flashback and she should have known that it would happen.

"I can't do this anymore." Olivia hiccupped. "I need Elliot."

"I know Olivia, I know." Mary whispered as she continued to soothe.

"No you don't." Olivia hiccupped. "I need Elliot."

"I'm sorry." She replied.

"I need to go home." Olivia cried hard.

Mary knew that there was no use trying to find out what was going on in Olivia's mind tonight, but she would need to find out as soon as possible to help get her back on the right track because whatever had happened before going into the exclusion room had set Olivia back five paces and it was going to take a very long time trying to get her back.

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**Just a reminder that this is fiction I doubt that it somewhere they treat PTSD they would use four point restraints but I needed to use it in my story.**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	13. 13 Maintaining

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**I realised when re-reading this fic that I'd written that Katie was fifteen years older than Olivia but that's a typo I meant younger!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Thirteen – Maintaining

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 19th 10.04 am

After everything that had happened the previous evening Olivia had been asked to go straight to see Mary after breakfast. She was now sat in therapy room playing with her heavily bandaged right hand, when the door finally opened she was surprised not only to see Mary but the person with her.

"Elliot!" Olivia's face lit up and she ran over to him and he pulled her in close and held her tight.

"Liv." He whispered as he rubbed his cheek into hers.

"I've missed you so much." She sobbed still clinging onto him tight, she was scared that if she let go then she'd find out he wasn't really there.

"I miss you too baby more than you know." He replied as he stroked her back also scared of letting her go.

"Then take me home El I don't want to be here anymore." Olivia sobbed and Elliot felt almost sick, he wasn't here to take her home he was here to help find out what was going through her mind, Mary was somehow convinced that if Olivia got some time with Elliot that she would open up.

"Why don't we move this over to the couch?" Mary suggested.

Olivia clung tight to Elliot's arm as they moved to the couch and once he was sat down she wrapped her arms tight around his waist almost cowering away from Mary. Elliot held around her, his hand subconsciously running up and down her arm.

"Olivia, we need to talk about yesterday." Mary said softly.

"Well I don't want to." She replied squeezing Elliot's waist.

"Liv baby what happened yesterday?" Elliot asked looking down at her, he hadn't been told anything.

"Nothing El I'm fine." She replied.

"And I'm the pope, come on Liv please talk to us we're just trying to help you ok?" He kissed her forehead and she moved her very thickly bandaged right fist to his chest making him gasp in surprise.

"Liv?" He asked in shock.

"It's nothing." She sighed, it was obvious to her now that Mary hadn't told him anything.

"Livia that's not nothing baby that's broken knuckles, please talk to me, tell me what happened?" He was pleading with her and she could only feel guilty.

"I punched a wall." She mumbled.

"Did the wall win?" Elliot asked with a serious look in his eyes.

"El!" She moaned and laughed simultaneously.

"Why did you fight the wall baby what did the wall do this time?" He asked her and she continued to laugh, she loved how Elliot could turn something so serious and make her laugh about it.

"I broke the wall." She mumbled quietly and Elliot laughed.

"You broke the wall?" He glanced at Mary who nodded. "That bad huh?" He asked stroking her hair which now had near inch long brown roots showing from the auburn blonde and red, he missed her brown hair.

"Yeah." She sighed.

"What happened baby?" He asked her. "What were you thinking when you decided to go shadow boxing with a plaster wall?"

"Elliot this is serious!" She laughed, he always could relax her.

"Then talk baby." He whispered.

"I don't want too." She replied as her eyes filled with tears.

"I know, I know it's hard Liv but if you don't talk no one can help you figure everything out, I know it's tough, you know me I'm not exactly George's biggest fan and there's nothing worse than when you don't want to talk to someone and you have to sit and talk about events and feelings and how they affect you but we both know that it helps baby we see it all the time in work." Elliot explained in hope.

"I just thought of him." Olivia mumbled shame appearing in her eyes and flushing her cheeks.

"Who Toby?" Elliot asked and Olivia nodded.

Elliot looked over at Mary.

"Olivia did something cause you to think of him?" Mary asked knowing that Elliot didn't know which questions to ask anymore.

"I don't think so, I was walking from the yard with Amanda and I just started feeling so mad and I heard his voice in my head and I just felt angry not sad like I usually do and I was stood in the exclusion room and I just thought if I didn't do something then the voice wouldn't stop." Olivia explained clinging onto Elliot's jacket in the process.

"Voice?" Mary asked.

"Toby's voice in my head." Olivia explained guessing that Mary thought she meant she'd started hearing voices.

"How did it make you feel Olivia?" Mary asked her eyes inquiring.

"Really angry." Olivia replied. "It's like I saw red I don't even remember actually punching the wall, I know I did it and I remember Amanda running in with a needle but I don't actually remember punching the wall."

"What does that mean?" Elliot asked in shock.

"Blind rage." Mary replied. "The anger almost took over her body."

"Is that normal?" Olivia asked.

"Anybody can experience blind rage at the slightest thing Olivia, some people call it seeing red, it's like that's what they see when they react to anger with violence which is what you did when you punched the wall.

"What does it mean though?" Olivia asked.

"It seems you've started to feel rage towards Toby, instead of just being angry at him now you feel complete rage, I can't be hundred percent sure but that what it seems like." Mary sighed.

"I'm taking that as a bad thing." Olivia stated nervously.

"Well it isn't good, we need to get that rage under control, but in other ways it is good because you're now developing out of the phase of depression about what happened to just being angry, that's a step forward Olivia, it's just not the best stage of recovering from PTSD as I wouldn't like to be someone to get in your way while you're going through this stage." Mary explained with a slight chuckle at the end.

"Ok, how do we get passed it?" Olivia asked surprising both Elliot and Mary, this meant she wanted to co-operate and get better.

"Well I want you to go home for an overnight stay." Mary smiled.

"What?" Olivia asked in shock. "I get to go home for a night?"

"Yeah, you can leave after group therapy tonight and then come back in time before lights out tomorrow." Mary explained and the smile that spread on Olivia's face lit up the room. "I see your pleased with that."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Olivia squealed with delight.

"Good, now why don't you take Elliot and go to art therapy where I am sure Katie is missing you then he can stay with you for the day and we'll sign you out after group this evening." Mary smiled.

Olivia didn't hesitate in taking Elliot's hand and leading him out but once the door was shut behind her she turned to him.

"Ok?" Elliot asked but she didn't reply just crashed her lips into his.

He smiled into the kiss as her arms snaked around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist and pulled her close having missed her touch.

"Missed you." She said as soon as she had to break for air.

"Missed you too baby, so much." He replied as he rested his forehead against hers.

"Come on Katie will be so excited to see you." Olivia smiled taking his hand and leading him away.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 19th 10.49 am

"Livia!" Katie waved from her spot around a small table.

"Look!" Olivia smiled pointing at Elliot.

"Hi Elliot." Katie smiled politely.

"Hey Katie." Elliot smiled as Olivia sat him down and then sat on his lap opposite Katie.

"Comfy?" Elliot asked teasingly as he snaked his arms around her waist.

"Yup." She smiled.

"So how was therapy?" Katie asked.

"Bleugh." Olivia replied. "Except that Elliot was there." Olivia smiled. "Best surprise ever."

"I bet." Katie laughed.

"I get to go home later, just for one night." Olivia smiled.

"That's cool!" Katie smiled genuinely happy for her friend.

"I know, I can't wait to see everyone." Olivia grinned happily. "So whatcha drawing?" She asked seeing Amanda with a pencil in her hand.

Katie turned the sketchpad around and showed Olivia who laughed loudly.

"Hey it isn't that bad!" Katie teased, it was supposed to be bad, she and Olivia hated drawing so they wasted art therapy doodling stupid things and giggling with each other.

"No it's good!" Olivia replied. "It's brilliant."

It was three matchstick men, one labelled Olivia, one labelled Katie and the third further away was labelled Amanda and Olivia had a bow and arrow aimed towards Amanda.

"Oh Kay you have to let me keep this." Olivia smiled.

"Hey it's yours!" Katie smiled pulling the drawing out of the sketchpad and handing it to Olivia.

"Oh I love it." Olivia laughed just as Amanda came to the table making both women laugh hysterically, even Elliot chuckled.

"Seems like you guys are having fun, hi Elliot." The 'hi Elliot' couldn't have been more flirtatious if the woman would have tried.

"Amanda." Olivia said making Amanda look at Olivia instead of Elliot.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"He's engaged, eyes off." Olivia said and Katie and Elliot's jaws fell open, Katie laughing while Olivia raised her eyebrows and smirked at Amanda's shocked reaction.

"I know that." Amanda said eventually.

"Then eyes off my soon to be husband please?" She said. "Because I'll warn you I get very jealous and I'm experiencing something called blind rage and am a cop who packs quite a punch, so walk away." Olivia told her and while Elliot rubbed his jaw and chuckled uncomfortably, Katie laughed hysterically trying to hide under the table and Amanda gave Olivia a deathly look.

"There's no need to threaten me Olivia, I'll admit your fiancé is an attractive man but he's really not my type." Amanda hissed before crossing her arms across her chest and walking away.

Katie looked at Olivia who grinning evilly and both of them laughed.

"Liv there was no need…"

"There was every need Elliot." Olivia replied sternly. "You are ours." She said rubbing her hand over her stomach.

"I am yours, no one else's." He smiled.

"Baby." She said.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"No ours El, mine and the babies." She told him.

"I'm sorry Liv, I forgot, I mean the news hasn't really sunk in… I'm going to be a dad again!" He kissed her cheek. "I'm so happy Liv but it's going to take some time to get over the shock." He explained.

"That's ok." Olivia replied. "I understand."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 19th 6.12 pm

More than halfway through the group therapy session and Olivia was excited to be going home soon, even if it was just for a night it was better than nothing and she'd be able to see all her friends tomorrow which excited her even further.

"Olivia you've been particularly quiet this session." Doctor Lucas Smith the very hot male doctor smiled gently.

"Uh yeah sorry." Olivia sighed, Elliot was sitting in her room waiting for her because he wasn't allowed to be with her in group where other people would be talking too.

"Have you got something to add?" Lucas continued gently, Olivia liked him, he was compassionate and considerate just like Mary but younger and hotter.

"Uh…" Olivia shrugged her shoulders.

"Maybe you can share something about last night?" Mary suggested and Olivia's eyes narrowed, she didn't want to share something about what happened last night.

"Fine…uh… how about the use of four point restraints on people with PTSD is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life." Olivia suggested, Katie sat beside her burst out laughing and a few of the other members laughed uncomfortably.

"Why do you think it's ridiculous?" Mary asked gently knowing getting it out of Olivia now was better than not getting it out of her at all.

"Because…" Olivia frowned she hated group therapy. "Because it triggered a flashback." She mumbled.

"Ok now we're getting anywhere, has anyone else found restraints to trigger a flashback?" Mary asked, the whole point of group was to see what worked and what didn't work with the patients but she knew the answer before it came.

"Ok seriously?" Olivia asked looking at the few people shaking their heads.

"Why do you think it triggered a flashback for you Olivia?" Lucas asked seeing that she was getting frustrated.

"Oh I don't know maybe it has something to do with the fact I was handcuffed and raped." Olivia replied sarcastically before getting to her feet.

"Olivia we're not done yet." Mary said as Olivia began walking away.

"I am." She replied.

The orderlies moved from the edge of the room and Olivia froze if she was sedated now she wouldn't be able to go home with Elliot.

"It's ok, you go back to your room." Mary smiled gently and the orderlies stepped back and let her walk off.

"Maybe we should leave it there for today." Lucas smiled after Olivia had walked off.

Mary waited for the group to close and hurried off after Olivia.

She found her sobbing in Elliot's arms in her room.

"Olivia?"

"Oh go away!" Olivia yelled from her place against Elliot's chest.

"What happened?" Elliot asked and Mary just shook her head.

"Olivia you know it's ok to get upset." Mary said stroking Olivia's back.

"I've just had enough of all of this when is it going to end?" Olivia asked frustrated.

"What do you mean Olivia?" Mary asked softly knowing that she needed to get as much out of Olivia before she closed up.

"All of this I just want my life back!" Olivia sobbed harshly.

"I understand that Olivia, really I do but you have to trust us, accept the help and as hard as it is accept the downfalls such as the flashbacks, they're becoming less and less which is such a good sign, don't throw it all away now." Mary was almost pleading.

"I just don't want to be here anymore, I want to go home, I want my job back." Olivia cried.

"Which you will get as soon as your better Olivia, you're not ready to go yet but you've come so far." Mary explained.

"I want to go home." Olivia sobbed breaking Elliot's heart in the process as he held her.

"Ok, you and Elliot can go now and I'll see you tomorrow, we'll speak when you're back ok?" Mary smiled gently and Olivia just let out another harsh sob.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia goes and visit the OBGYN, the one six and Hogan palace but when she goes back to the centre she finds out in her absence something happened to Katie.**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	14. 14 Surprising

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**SMUT CHAPTER!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Fourteen – Surprising

**Benson-Stabler Residence, Manhattan**

June 20th 7.34 am

Olivia and Elliot were cuddled up in bed having just woken up. Olivia was feeling particularly blissful this morning having woken up in Elliot's arms, she's missed it, it had been a whole seventeen days since she'd last slept in his arms.

"I've missed this." She smiled as she drew small love hearts with her nail along his chest.

"Me too." He smiled pulling her closed and kissing her forehead.

"I don't think I realised how nice and special this was till now." Olivia replied snuggling her cheek into his chest.

"I know, even though we barely got to do it before because of work and stuff, it definitely was something we took for granted." Elliot replied running his hand through Olivia's hair.

"Hey you think we could go to the salon today?" Olivia asked enjoying the feel of Elliot's hand on her scalp.

"If you want but why?" Elliot asked.

"I want my hair back or hair colour anyway I must admit I love this style." She smiled as she straightened out her bangs.

"Sure baby, we can go to the salon today." He smiled.

"Before we go to the one six and Hogan Place?" she asked.

"If that's what you want baby." Elliot replied softly.

"Yeah what time are they expecting us?" Olivia asked.

"Uh…" Elliot stumbled, he hadn't told the people of the one six that Olivia was having a night at home in case she decided she didn't want it or wanted to spend it just with him at home, so he'd just asked Don for a two days when Mary called him.

"What?" Olivia frowned, she was starting to worry that they didn't want to see her.

"It's a surprise." He explained.

"What is?" She asked unsure what he was going on about.

"I didn't tell them you were coming home in case you didn't want to see them." Elliot explained.

"What? Elliot they're my family of course I wanted to see them." Olivia replied in shock.

"Sorry baby, I should have known I'm sorry." He replied softly.

"Oh it's ok, I forgive you, it will be a nice surprise for them." Olivia replied and he knelt down to kiss her softly.

But she had other ideas as she cupped his jaw deepening the kiss. He pulled her onto his chest making her squeal in surprise but their lips stayed attached, making up for the lost time.

"I love you." She mumbled as his kiss left her lips and travelled down her neck softly.

"I love you too." He replied.

"El?" She moaned happily as he kissed the sensitive area between her neck and shoulder.

"Want me to stop?" He asked remembering that she may not be comfortable with any of this.

"Nope, El I want you to make love to me." She said rolling to the side of him.

He picked himself up and hovered above her trying to search her eyes for any doubt, but he saw none.

"Liv?"

"Make love to me El, it's been too long." She explained snaking her hands around his neck and pulling him down to her lips.

She opened her mouth to accommodate his tongue, enjoying every sensation his tongue and teeth sent through her.

His kiss left her mouth and worked its way down her neck, he suckled, marking her as his own which she had no objections about as she gasped excitedly at the feel of his teeth against her neck.

The wetness pooled in between her legs and she just wanted to feel him inside her, desperate to have the contact she hadn't had in seventeen days.

"Babe." She moaned as he removed her tank top revealing her just a little bit more.

"Ok?" he asked being hyper aware that she might not be ready for this.

"Yeah baby I just want you inside me." she told him straight and he nodded as she sat up to let him pull off her bra.

His hands caressed down her sides, past her ribs while he gently kissed her firm breasts.

She moaned excitedly as his mouth latched onto her nipple, sucking and biting gently sending shockwaves coursing through her body.

"El!" she moaned and withered beneath him as he trailed kisses from her breasts and down her stomach.

"Oh God El!" She groaned loudly as he latched his fingers beneath the lining of her sleep shorts and trailed kissed along the skin above.

Slowly he pulled them down surprised to see that she wasn't wearing any panties beneath them, she was now fully naked in all her glory and Elliot saw the outer beauty of the woman he loved so deeply, it had been too long since she had last seen her like this and he couldn't help but take a moment to admire her.

"El!" She laughed as he just looked at her.

"Sorry baby you're just so beautiful." He smiled as he leant over to kiss her lips again.

She suckled at his bottom lip as his tongue explored her mouth once again.

"Baby take these off." She said as she struggled to pull on his boxer shorts.

He did, quickly in one easy swipe not wanting to waste any time he could have touching Olivia in removing clothes.

"Oh Liv." He moaned into her mouth as she arched her back, her nipples gliding along his bare chest with her movement.

"I want you inside me baby." She pleaded and he nodded seeing no doubt in her eyes.

He lined himself with her slick entrance, checking she was ready for him with his finger making her gasp and moan, her back arching even further raising her hips towards him.

Slowly he guided his thick erection into her, letting her body adjust to the intrusion. Inch by inch he filled her slowly making her call out his name like a prayer.

"Ok?" He asked as he took her hand into his own.

"Yeah just perfect but you gotta move baby." She laughed softly as Elliot slowly began to move his hips. She groaned at the slowness of his pace but she didn't ask him to move harder or faster, enjoying every second they had because they knew it wouldn't last long, it had been way too long since they had last been in this situation they were already close to the edge.

"Fuck El! She moaned as he resumed suckling on her neck, marking her again. His hand clutching tight onto hers holding them in between their chests so they could feel each other's hears beating on the back of their hands.

"Liv!" He grunted feeling himself getting ever closer to his climax as her hips rocked to meet his in perfect tandem, the dance, so well-known across the world but unique to them too.

Fireworks flew between them as they latched their eyes onto each other, called each other's names out as ecstasy coerced through their bodies making them contort in pure agonising pleasure.

He fell beside her, still holding her hand in his own as they slowly began to catch their breaths. Olivia rolled onto his chest and kissed him chastely.

"I missed you." She smiled before he kissed her back.

"Missed you too baby." He smiled.

"Now how about a shared shower before we got to the salon?" She smirked before climbing out of bed, Elliot chasing after her making her squeal excitedly, she hadn't felt this normal since her kidnap and she was sure as hell going to enjoy every single minute of it.

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**16****th**** Precinct, Manhattan**

June 20th 11.12 am

Olivia held tightly onto Elliot's hand as they stood outside the one six precinct. She was nervous and Elliot could feel her shaking beside him.

"We don't have to go in you know." He told her softly as she ran her hand through her newly dyed chocolate brown locks, she already felt more herself getting her hair back and having a trim deciding to definitely keep her bangs.

"I want to Elliot I don't know why I'm so nervous." She sighed., it probably had something to do with the fact she was walking in without her gun and shield, that actually bothered her. "Ok come on." She tugged at his hand and walked up the steps, Elliot flashing his shield so that Olivia didn't have to walk through the public entrance with the metal detectors.

"Detective Benson it's good to see you." Officer Jones the on duty officer assigned to watch the entrance.

"You too Officer." Olivia smiled politely before walking towards the elevator.

As soon as the door shut she began to tremble nervously.

"Ok?" Elliot asked her gently.

She just nodded, her mouth too dry for words.

"Liv they're going to be so happy to see you, there's no need to be scared." He told her giving her hand a gentle squeeze just as the elevator door opened on their floor.

When they stepped out Olivia heard the welcoming sound of the busy bullpen calling to her, the familiar smell of coffee and sweat ridden perps inviting her and she suddenly realised it was like she had never been away.

She smiled at Elliot and still clutching at his hand they walked towards the noise.

John Munch and Fin were sat at their desks typing away and Olivia knew it was probably something boring that they wouldn't mind being distracted by.

"Let's see how long they take to notice me." Olivia whispered into Elliot's ear.

"Want a coffee?" He asked as she walked to her desk, now filled with dust from it's lack of use but still exactly the way she had left it.

"Yeah." She replied as she pulled off her jacket and drapped it on the back of her seat before sitting down and grabbing one of the files from her in tray.

After Elliot made her a coffee he handed it to her and sat on the side of her desk, that's when Fin looked up and noticed him.

"Stabler I thought you had a personal day?" Fin called.

"He does." Olivia smiled poking her head around the side of Elliot to meet Fin's gaze.

"Baby girl?" He smiled getting to his feet.

"In the flesh." She replied standing up her hands beside her to show it was actually her.

"Oh it's good to see you." He smiled embracing her tight.

"Hey Liv." Munch smiled coming over to make sure he got a hug too.

"So you're home?" Fin asked.

"No the nut house decided that this nut deserved a home visit." Olivia laughed.

"Will you stop calling the place a nut house baby you're not a nut." Elliot sighed draping his hands over her shoulder.

"In the loony bin we do what we can to survive and make the days more bearable and if that consists of calling it ever name under the sun El I will ok?" She told him firmly and he just nodded not wanting to argue with her today.

"I think George and Cragen are in the office Liv." Munch smiled. "I'm sure they'd be glad to see you."

Olivia smiled and rushed off leaving Elliot to talk with his friends.

"How she doing?" Fin asked, he'd missed having Olivia around badly and just wanted her back at her desk where she belonged.

"I don't know, ,Mary the psych called me said she needed me to visit yesterday and asked me to go there for about ten which I did, I sat in on a therapy session with Liv found out she'd punched a wall hence the big bandage cast on her hand in case you spotted it and didn't want to ask, anyway, Olivia punched a wall and it's apparently something called blind rage and even though it's not good it's not bad either because it means she isn't sad about what happened to her anymore she's angry and that's better according to the psych." Elliot explained to his friends.

"Yeah but Doctors say a lot of things Stabler, how she been with you and that?" Fin asked knowing that Elliot would be honest with them.

"She's ok, she got a bit upset with something before we left last night but then once we were home she was great but I don't know if she's putting it on, I mean I think she's getting better." Elliot replied.

"She'll be back soon mate it's just gonna take some time." Fin said giving his shoulder a smack to show his support as he looked towards the office.

Inside the office Olivia was holding back tears as Don embraced her tight.

"I can't believe you're here." He said softly into her ear.

"I know." She smiled happily giving him one last squeeze before she pulled away.

"Why didn't you let us know you were coming home?" He asked as she stole one of his liquorish wands from the glass jar on his desk.

"I'm only here for the day, I have to be back at the asylum by lights out." Olivia said in a childish manner making both men laugh.

"It really is good to see you Liv." George smiled, he was smiling for two reasons, one because she was there and one because she looked more like herself than she had since her kidnap.

"Wait. Did you just call the centre an asylum?" Don said seconds later.

"Uh…"

"Yes." George replied for her as she laughed and grinned almost cheekily in fashion.

"Olivia it's a treatment centre, we wouldn't have sent you off to an asylum." Don told her not understanding she was joking.

"The place uses four point restraints it's an asylum." She laughed before realising what she had said and clamped her mouth shut.

"Olivia?" George stood up.

"What?" She replied deciding to act oblivious to what he was going to say next.

"Why were you put in four point restraints?" George asked gently.

"Didn't say that." Olivia laughed nervously.

"You might as well have." Don chipped in and she threw him a nervous dirty look and her left hand played with the edge of the thick packaged bandage on her right hand which drew George's attention.

"Liv?" He questioned picking up her hand to see what it was.

"What?" She replied angrily pulling her hand back with her left hand and holding it to her chest as she winced in pain.

"Please talk to us Liv." George pleaded and Olivia sat down on the couch underneath the window and sighed, she knew she would have to eventually if she wanted her job back.

"Fine." She spat and the two men sat down and looked at her.

"According to Mary I felt something known as blind rage." Olivia began and George nodded that he understood. "I punched the wall and I was sedated, when I woke up I was in a white room in four point restraints, I haven't had a chance to ask Mary why I was in the restraints because Elliot came up and I don't want him to know." Olivia explained.

"Oh Liv." George sighed. "You understand that they would have had their reasons to do it right?" He asked gently.

"I guess, but you don't put a rape victim in restraints George that's common sense, the place is getting worse and worse and I don't think I'm going to leave there with what's left of my sanity intact." Olivia explained tears stinging her eyes.

"You need to talk to Mary when you get back Olivia, find out why they thought it was ok to restrain you, what happened when you woke up from the sedative?"

"I had a flashback, I hadn't had one in days and then I had one when Amanda slammed the door before I punched the wall and then I had one when I was in the room, it was white George all the walls were a brilliant white just like it was in that place and I couldn't move my arms …" Tears tumbled down her cheeks and she dropped her head into her hands. "I just can't stop thinking that place is making me worse." She whispered.

"You've only been there two weeks Olivia, you have to give it time." George said softly.

"Time? I've been there seventeen days! Seventeen days away from my friends and family, I grew up in New York and all of a sudden I find myself in some mental hospital up in Connecticut." Olivia snapped.

"I know it isn't easy Liv, but you've got to trust me that I wouldn't have asked you to go there if I didn't know anything about the place. Mary is an expert in PTSD and it's why she set up the clinic for people like you."

"No it isn't I'm the only rape victim there, everyone else are soldiers or marines, I'm the only cop there too!" Olivia replied angrily. "I've made a decision, I'll talk to Mary when I get back but if I don't like what she has to say I'll give it a week and if things aren't better I'm coming home and if me leaving the clinic means I can't get my job back then that's fair enough but I can't do this much longer and it's unfair that you expect me too." Olivia got up and wiped her tears as she walked to the door wanting to say goodbye to her co-workers before going back to the apartment, she wasn't even in the mood to see Alex and Casey anymore.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 20th 6.39 pm

"Please try Liv?" Elliot pleaded as they stood in the reception area of the clinic.

"I said I would Elliot, a week." Olivia replied into his chest as he held her tight, she'd demanded him bring her back early because she didn't think it was fair on him dealing with her stroppy behaviour just because she wanted to talk to Mary.

"I know but baby you have to think of our baby too now, you want to get better for him or her too right?" He asked before pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Of course I do Elliot but you try being kidnapped and raped and then have the people you love put you in a place like this and then say you're ok with it then you can give me advice ok?" She snapped.

Elliot knew better than to retort, his heart broke every time she mentioned what had happened, he had watched every minute of it on live feed and whenever she mentioned it he would remember how helpless he had felt not being able to help her.

"I'm going to go now El, uh I'll talk to you when I can yeah?" She pulled her arms from his chest, leaving the comfort of his embrace.

"Of course Liv, I love you baby don't you ever forget that." He told her as he held his hand to her cheek.

She threw her arms around his neck and clasped her lips to his, just needing to remember how his kiss felt before she quickly pulled away and hurried off to her room not wanting to delay the goodbye.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 20th 7.02 pm

Olivia walked into her room but was shocked when she saw Katie curled up into a ball in the corner of her bed.

"Katie?" Olivia asked in shock moving towards her but when she flinched away Olivia's heart began to hammer in her chest. "I'll be right back."

She ran off and made it into the courtyard in time to stop Elliot's car leaving.

"Liv what is it?" He asked in a panic.

"It's Katie … I don't … El she …" Olivia couldn't breath as she'd sprinted from her room.

Elliot put the car in park and took Olivia's hand let her lead him in inside.

When he saw Katie shaking in the corner of the room as she sat on her bed he knew why Olivia had gotten so worked up. He gave Olivia a reassuring nod, she knew how to handle this she just needed to believe in herself.

"Katie." Olivia said sitting on the edge of the bed. "Katie can you tell me what happened?" Olivia asked softly.

Katie lifted her head from her knees and Olivia could see that she had a thick lip, a black eye and a few cuts and bruises.

"Kay please?" Olivia asked gently, knowing that this was tough for her friend.

"I was raped." Katie whispered before the tears tumbled down her cheeks.

"Elliot can you go find Mary but keep Amanda a way she's the last person Katie will need to see." Olivia told her fiancé and he nodded.

"Can you tell me who did it Katie?" Olivia asked as soon as Elliot left the room.

"I don't know. It was last night after lights out." Katie's voice shook.

"Did no one come and see why you weren't at breakfast?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Amanda came in and she touched me and I screamed and they sedated me and I not long woke up." Katie cried and grabbed Olivia's hand pulling her into an embrace.

Olivia held Katie's sobbing figure as her mind went to work, this wasn't supposed to happen under any circumstances and right now she was blaming herself, if only she hadn't gone home with Elliot.

"Katie? Olivia?" Mary asked coming into the room with Elliot.

"She was raped." Olivia said as tears silently fell down her cheeks.

"When?" Mary asked.

"Last night, after lights out, it's all I got out of her."

"I was told this morning that she had almost attacked Amanda so she'd been heavily sedated." Mary explained why she hadn't known. "I should have come and checked."

"No Mary this isn't your fault but right now I need to know if you have a doctor who knows how to perform a rape kit." Olivia explained.

"Me." Mary replied. "I used to do them for the Marines, very rare it happened but I'm sure I remember how."

"Ok Katie sweetie, we need to go to the clinic room ok?" Olivia asked softly.

"Don't leave me!" She panicked.

"I'm not going anywhere Katie I promise. Now have you showered?"

"No I couldn't … I was too scared to move." Katie whimpered as she got up.

"Ok and are these the clothes you were wearing last night?" Olivia asked signalling to the pink teddy bear night gown.

Katie just nodded and held tighter onto Olivia's hand.

"Ok Elliot call the local sheriff's office, call Cragen and secure this room." Olivia went straight into cop mode and it was difficult for Elliot to hide a smirk as he felt proud of her.

"Right come on Katie, we'll go to the clinic now." Mary went to touch Katie but she coward into Olivia.

"Sorry." Olivia replied but Mary shook her head, she was a doctor and a psychiatrist who specialised in PTSD, she should have known better.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 20th 8.49 pm

Once the rape kit was done Olivia met the local sheriff and was glad to see Cragen had arrived with Huang, Munch and Fin.

"The whole bunch?" Olivia asked her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"After Elliot called the Sheriff called me and was surprised when I said Elliot had already called me but the sheriff's department here is small and they have very little experience with rape cases and as you and Elliot uncovered it we're going to work it and just hand him the paper work when we're done." Don explained.

"Ok, well Katie says she couldn't see her attacker it was dark, she said her attack lasted forty three minutes where he beat her while he raped her after gagging her and tying her arms together with a belt." Olivia informed them.

"Ok thanks Liv why don't you go and relax a little …"

"Whoa hold on I'm working this case." She said firmly.

"No Olivia you're a patient here you can't…"

"All the better for me to work it I know the other patients, come on Don let me work this!" She was pleading.

"I can't let you Olivia you're off on undetermined sick leave, I can't have you working an out of state case!" Don argued.

"Don…"

"If you want my opinion…"Mary walked out of the clinic room. "Let Olivia work this, Katie trusts her, the other patients know her."

Don looked at George who nodded, they both knew Mary meant it could be beneficial for Olivia to work this case and possibly feel more herself.

"Fine, ok, but Olivia no bending any rules, if anything comes out in group therapy you can't say anything its privileged ok?" Don warned.

"I know by the book." Olivia replied with a smile playing on her lips, she felt better than she had in days.

"Ok, Elliot and Olivia why don't the two of you go and start interviewing patients, Munch and Fin why don't you take the rape kit to our lab in Manhattan for Warner to run, take my car and then Mary how about a coffee with myself and George while Katie sleeps?" Don smiled.

Olivia frowned, she knew that they were going off to talk about her but right now that wasn't her priority. Her priority was Katie's rapist.

"Ok Liv?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, I think we should talk to Melissa first and then Hannah they live in the room beside ours, if anyone heard anything it will have been those two." Olivia said before walking off.

Elliot followed her with a smile on his face, he couldn't help but be proud of Olivia at this moment.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 20th 9.11 pm

"So how is Olivia doing?" Don asked as soon as the three of them were sat down in Mary's office.

"She's getting there, it's going to take time Don I don't work miracles." Mary chuckled.

"Why was Olivia placed in four point restraints?" George asked.

"She told you about that huh?" Mary asked in surprise, she'd not expected this from Olivia not that it bothered her it just surprised her.

"Not on purpose but yeah it came out, so come on?" George replied.

"Fine, she'd been asked to go into the exclusion room, you know it's like time out and Olivia often ends up there after a conversation with Amanda but she usually takes it well makes a joke about it and then that's it but this time she went into the room and for some reason put a hole in the wall." Mary explained softly. "After she was sedated she was placed in a treatment room and was placed into the restraints because she'd punched the wall and broken the hand it meant she was a danger to herself, and because someone couldn't sit and watch her while she was sedated we had no choice, I had hoped to be there when she came round and then she wouldn't have been in the restraints but I wasn't." Mary sighed. "I know she panicked and I know she had a flashback but that was never the intention."

"Of course not but you should know better than to put a rape victim in restraints, especially someone like Olivia who was handcuffed during her attack." George replied.

"I know, but there was nothing I could do George, it's policy that if a patient is a danger to themselves or others they're to be restrained and Olivia consented when she became a patient here, she read the forms and signed them there is nothing more I can say." Mary sighed.

"Do you really believe that she's a danger to herself?" Don asked in shock.

"No, I haven't had that vibe from Olivia at all in the whole time she's been here but she did put her fist through a wall." Mary explained. "So you have to understand I let the staff do their jobs."

"Ok, is she on anything?" George asked.

"No, I'm hoping that she's one person I can treat without drugs George because she's determined not to take anything which is a good sign, she wants to get better but she doesn't want to be here and there's only so much I can do, she needs to stop fighting me and accept the help I'm trying to give her and then maybe we'll get somewhere." Mary replied heavily. "You know she's an amazing woman, she just need's to put down her guard and let us in to help her."

"She's had those walls built around her since early childhood, the only one who's ever broken through them completely is Elliot." Don replied. "She lets us all in a little bit at the one six but only so much before the walls go back up."

"I know, she's let Katie in. I'm worried that what's happened to Katie will push Olivia's treatment back too." Mary sighed.

"What are we going to do?" George asked.

"Well let her work this case so she has something else to put her mind too but I'm going to ask Katie to transfer to Millbrook Psychiatric for a while just so she can get some intense therapy, this place isn't suitable for rape victims so close to their attacks, with Olivia it's different, she tried going back to normal life first before the problem got too much." Mary explained to the two men in front of her.

"That's going to tear Olivia up." Don sighed as he placed his empty mug on the table.

"I have to think of Katie too here Don." Mary replied.

"I know that." He snapped. "But my concern is Olivia, I want her home as much as she wants to be at home, I miss having to tell her to go home because she's so caught up in her job nothing else in the world matters, I miss hearing her laughing in the squad room bringing some light into even our darkest cases, so I have every right to worry about her."

"I know, calm down Don, we'll figure Olivia out once this case is closed." Mary replied.

"Yeah well until then Olivia isn't staying here, I'm putting us all in a hotel nearby because with Katie gone Olivia's vulnerable in her room and the last thing she needs."

"I wouldn't let anything happen to her Don even if I had to sleep in her room to make sure nothing happened to her I would." Mary replied.

"I know, but for the sake of my own sanity, she isn't sleeping here tonight."

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**Next Chapter – O**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	15. 15 Killing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**SMUT CHAPTER!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Fifteen – Killing

**Spring Fountain Hotel, Connecticut **

June 20th 11.12 pm

Elliot held Olivia as she sobbed into his chest, he couldn't believe how hard she had taken it when Katie was finally put in a cab to go to the nearby psychiatric unit, as soon as the cab had gone out of sight Olivia had crumbled, the only person in the place she had trusted was now gone and now at the hotel she couldn't hide it from the only other person to get through to her.

"Shh it's ok baby." Elliot whispered as she stroked her hair.

She was shaking with wracked sobs as she held onto her soon to be husband, they'd not long been discussing moving their wedding date so that they could get married before she was too big to wear the dress of her dreams and now she wasn't sure if she was going to make it to that date. Not that she cared, she only cared about Katie right now, her friend who had already been through too much was going through the only thing Olivia could really relate with as being traumatising.

"I … can't … do … this." Olivia hiccupped as Elliot continued trying to soothe her.

"I know baby I'm sorry." Elliot whispered as he grimaced, he couldn't stop himself he was in such pain just from being unable to take away Olivia's torment.

Olivia climbed out of Elliot's arms and ran into the bathroom. As she sat on the edge of the bath she caught her reflection in the full length floor mirror. She looked a mess, she'd lost a lot of weight which was surprising considering she ate more at the centre than she had when she'd been in Manhattan.

The anger that coerced through her veins at this moment was indescribable. She looked at her own reflection and she made herself feel sick, the person looking back at her wasn't who she thought she was, the person looking back at her was weak, vulnerable and lost, not the independent detective she thought she was.

She screamed and threw her already bandaged fist through the mirror. The glass cut through the bare skin of her arms and the blood poured freely onto the floor.

Elliot heard the yell and rushed to the bathroom door. The door was locked and he screamed for Olivia to answer it but she was sobbing hysterically. Elliot being the cop he was quickly busted his shoulder against a weak point on the door. He found Olivia clutching her arm with blood seeping through her fingers.

"Liv!" He gasped rushing to her and pulling his phone from his pocket dialling nine one one in the process.

"This is Detective Elliot Stabler Manhattan SVU I need a bus to Spring Fountain Hotel in Connecticut …" Cragen rushed into the room with George, Munch and Fin who had heard Olivia's scream and Elliot's frantic yells through the paper thin hotel walls. "Attempted Suicide." Elliot told the operator as he held Olivia's arm up trying to stop the blood flow.

George Huang quickly grabbed one of the white fluffy towels and wrapped it around the cuts.

"Hold around and apply pressure." George told Elliot.

Both men had their hands wrapped around the now bloody towel as Olivia began drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Liv come on stay with us." George stated firmly. "Come on don't sleep Liv look at me, look at me Liv."

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**Saint Christopher's Hospital, Connecticut**

June 21st 12.38 pm

Elliot paced the halls of the hospital while George, Munch, Fin and Cragen sat in the uncomfortable orange seats. They were all in shock at what they had seen, they couldn't believe Olivia had reacted in such a way or done such a thing. Something had seriously gone wrong with her for this to have happened because the last time they'd checked she had been doing well and now she had put herself and her unborn child at such a risk and that didn't sit well with any of them, they were all confused and unsure.

"What happened?" Mary asked as she arrived at the group.

"She punched a mirror." George sighed. "Floor one, her fist went straight through it and it cut open her arm."

"On purpose?" Mary asked in surprise.

"I thought you said you hadn't gotten that vibe from her!" Don snapped.

"Don don't take this out on Mary none of us saw this coming." George informed the older man.

"She was supposed to get better not worse!" Don snapped.

"Something's happened since then Don, something was going through her mind when she punched that mirror and until we've spoken with her we can't determine the state of her mind!" Mary replied angrily, the truth was she was blaming herself for this too but she wasn't going to allow Don to intimidate her.

"Well I told the hospital that she was under your care and I'm guessing they contacted you." George told her and she nodded.

"Upstairs?" Elliot asked coming to a standstill.

"Psych ward." Mary informed him and Elliot's jaw fell open.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"She tried to commit suicide Elliot standard procedure is a seventy two hour psych hold." Mary informed him. "It's the best place for her at the moment with the centre not being safe otherwise I'd have her transported back tonight."

Elliot just nodded, his mind was in such a state right now that he couldn't even begin to comprehend what was going on.

They waited another twenty minutes before a doctor came to talk to them.

"Hi I'm Doctor Maria Keller." She informed them as they all stood up to greet her.

"Maria how is she?" Mary asked it was obvious the two Doctor's knew each other.

"She's ok, the blood loss wasn't as bad as we first thought but we gave her a unit and she's conscious and she'll be transported upstairs shortly. We had to give her a total of forty one stitches, she really did some damage but she's going to be alright." Mary explained. "I have to ask what happened to her, when Doctor Joseph Holloway went to examine her she freaked out and kicked him and punched him, he's going to have a nice black eye and bruised ribs in the morning."

"She's a rape victim." Mary informed her as she shook her head. "I thought she was getting better."

"It looks to me like she had a psychotic break Mary, she was rambling the whole time I was stitching her up and I was close to having her sedated because she was becoming more erratic." Maria explained.

"This is all my fault." Mary sighed.

"No it isn't Mary I didn't see this coming either." George said as he rested a hand on her shoulder.

"She was in my care!" Mary snapped. "I honestly didn't see this happening, she was doing so well!" Mary cried softly and George pulled her into an awkward embrace.

"You need to pull yourself together Mary she's going to need you now more than ever." George informed her.

"I know." Mary sniffed as she pulled away and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Will you come in there with me? I mean two heads are better than one and she trusts you as much if not more than me."

"Sure." George replied giving her a reassuring smile.

"Ok this way." Maria smiled and she lead them all upstairs too Olivia's room.

George and Mary went inside while everyone else had to stay outside the ward doors until they could go to Olivia's room, the psychiatric ward had different procedures to the other wards of the hospital.

George and Mary would never have admitted it to anyone but as they got closer to Olivia's room they were apprehensive about what they would find once inside.

The sight that met their eyes was a shock to their systems, they'd seen patients in worse states but this was Olivia, the strong headed detective they both known reduced to someone so vulnerable and it tore at their hearts.

She was in four point restraints which didn't really surprise them considering she'd attacked a doctor. She stared at the roof, didn't even acknowledge that they had entered her room and she didn't even look at them when they approached the bed.

They instantly went to take off her restraints, neither one believing that the restraints were necessary right now. They then took a seat either side of the low bed, with it being a psychiatric unit the beds weren't the same as the normal hospital beds, these were lower to the ground almost like normal beds and when the psychiatrists sat down the chairs were level with the bed.

"Olivia." Mary spoke softly.

Olivia said nothing and kept her eyes glued on the ceiling as if there was something interesting up there.

"Talk to us Olivia." Mary continued but still no reaction came from the woman in the bed, she hadn't even moved her arms even though the restraints were no longer wrapped around them.

"Olivia, you need to tell us what happened so we can help you." George stated but again nothing came from Olivia and both psychiatrists started to get nervous, if she didn't talk soon they would have a serious problem.

"Please Olivia!" Mary cried out. "I'm so sorry, please talk to me, help me help you, I am so sorry that this happened."

"It wasn't your fault." Olivia whispered hoarsely.

"I'm sorry." Mary said again.

Olivia turned her head to the right to look at Mary. It was shocking, Olivia's eyes looked drained, glazed over like there was no emotion behind them yet so much emotion trying to get out all at once.

"What happened Liv?" George asked but Olivia ignored him and kept her eyes on Mary.

"It wasn't your fault." She said again, her voice thick with sadness.

"Then tell me what happened so I can understand." Mary said reaching out to her hand and taking it in the process lowering it down to her side.

"I don't know." Olivia whispered as tears filled her eyes, sadness winning the battle of emotions going on behind her eyes.

"Try explain Liv." Mary said, the use of the woman's nickname being new to her almost sounded awkward but it seemed to work as Olivia closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

"My throat hurts." Olivia said hoarsely.

"Here." Mary reached over to the bedside table where there were blackcurrant juice boxes.

She took the paper off the straw and stabbed it into the opening while George helped Olivia sit up so she could take some of the drink.

"Thank you." She replied as she used George's hand to sit up further.

Mary plumped up the pillows and helped George move Olivia's limp body over so she was sitting up a bit more. Olivia then took the juice box and drank a little more before coughing and clearing her throat.

"I feel weak." Olivia said as she shifted position.

"It's from the blood loss, try not to move too quickly." Mary said and Olivia nodded gently.

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispered as the tears finally tumbled out of her eyes uncontrollably.

"You have nothing to apologise for Olivia." Mary told her as she gave Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze.

"I do, this is all my fault! If I hadn't have punched the wall and gone home Katie wouldn't have been raped!" Olivia sobbed.

"You can't blame yourself for any of this Liv, tell us what's going through your mind." George was trying to hide how much he was pleading with her.

"I was looking in the mirror…" Olivia started as she tried to control her sobs. "And I couldn't see me."

"What do you mean?" Mary inquired her shrink side starting to become intrigued.

"I saw me but not me, I saw the person I'd become but that's not me, I'm a cop, I'm independent and I carry a gun but I saw a frail, vulnerable woman who I didn't recognise and I hated it and I just…"

"You punched the mirror."

"She had to go." Olivia whispered. "I can't be her anymore. I don't want to be her anymore." Olivia sniffed trying to hold her tears back.

"I'm going to help you Liv, we can make her go away I promise." Mary told her.

"But it's been so long and I'm still not better." Olivia hiccupped.

"I know and that's my fault Olivia, but I know where I made mistakes now and I'm going to help you ok? Now I am going to get the paper work have you transferred back to the centre and I'll sleep in your room so you're safe." Mary said firmly.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered squeezing Mary's hand.

"Anytime." Mary smiled as she stood up.

George followed her out of the room and turned to look at her the anger visible in his eyes.

"What?" Mary asked.

"You can't think the centre is the best place for her right now." George explained.

"Yes actually I do, I have other patients to tend to and but Olivia needs me actually she needs us so I want you at the centre to help me, she's broken George and it's up to us to fix her, she's my patient and I am going to do whatever I deem necessary to get her better because she's now admitting how much she needs help and I honestly think that she will accept every option available to her now." Mary replied.

"Fine." George sighed he knew better to argue. "But you have to get Elliot to agree first."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 3.12 am

Mary and George helped Olivia into her room and put her in bed. She was silent the whole ride over and she was still yet to say a word. Mary had decided that for tonight it was best not to ask her anything, just normal questions and speak with her like she was a human being but the first job tomorrow was to persuade Olivia to go on some form medication because it was obvious now that she needed it.

George and Mary stepped back into the corridor where Elliot and Cragen were waiting with Munch and Fin having gone back to the hotel.

"Well?" Elliot asked. "Is she going to get better?"

"I think so." Mary replied. "I'll do what I can Elliot, you focus on the investigation, find Katie's rapist so I can get her back here and I think that will help Olivia get better and I'm hoping having you all close by will help Olivia too."

"Thank you Mary, for all you're doing for her." Don smiled softly.

"I will do everything I can Don." Mary said as she embraced her friend.

"I know." He replied.

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**Next Chapter – Mary and George work on getting Olivia better while Elliot, Munch, Fin and Don try to find a rapist, what happens when Olivia's treatment and capturing the rapist comes head to head?**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	16. 16 Recuperating

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**SMUT CHAPTER!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Sixteen – Recuperating

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 7.39 am

Olivia groaned into her pillow as she lay on her side trying to block out the continuous sound of the wake up alarm. She knew where she was but for a moment she forgot the situation she was in. That was until she felt Mary's hand on her shoulder and he gentle voice in her ear.

"Time to get up sweetie pie." She smiled and Olivia just groaned again, she really didn't want to get out of bed.

"Go away." She finally said but Mary wasn't going to give up.

"Liv it's time for breakfast, so get up and dressed and then we'll go to the dining hall." Mary smiled, she had already been up since six and gotten washed and dressed.

Olivia just groaned and rolled over so she was facing the wall with her back to Mary.

"I'll go and get a tube of water…" Mary sang and Olivia sat bolt upright, she'd had that done to her in the past and it had not been a pleasant experience.

"I'm up!" Olivia laughed before swinging her legs over the side of the bed and slipping her feet into her slippers.

Half an hour later and she and Mary made their way down to the dining hall. A lot of people on her floor had been woken by them arriving at three in the morning so she wasn't surprised by the looks she was getting, of course everyone also knew about Katie and we're aware of Olivia's police officer friends searching the place out.

Olivia was dressed in a pair of baggy grey sweat pants and one of Elliot's hoodies because she didn't see a reason in getting dressed in her normal day wear, she just wanted to be comfortable today.

Once breakfast was eaten or in Olivia's cased pushed around the plate Mary took her to meet with George in the therapy room. She sat down on the white couch and curled her legs up beside her curling up into the corner of the couch and hugging her arms around her slender frame.

"How are you this morning Liv?" George asked as soon as Mary was sat down beside him.

"Fine." Olivia replied, she was back to playing that game and it was going to take a lot to get her to open up.

"You want to talk about what happened last night?" Mary asked and she shrugged her shoulders in reply.

"We have to start somewhere Liv." George informed her and she shrugged again.

"George why don't you go down to the dining hall and get us some coffee?" Mary suggested, she was wondering if Olivia just wouldn't talk because her co-worker was there.

"Yeah sure." George replied understanding the other psychiatrist's motive.

As soon as the door closed behind George Olivia seemed to relax a little.

"Now do you want to talk about last night?" Mary asked and Olivia nodded weakly. "Tell me what you were thinking before you punched the mirror."

"I was … I don't know, I just saw my reflection and I didn't recognise myself Mary, I've never felt like that in all my life." She sighed.

"What do you mean you didn't recognise yourself?" Mary continued, she needed to get as much out of Olivia as she possibly could.

"I didn't see me looking back at me, I saw someone I didn't know, every time I look in the mirror I see Olivia Benson SVU Detective but last night I looked in it and saw Olivia Benson Rape Victim and I don't want to be that person I don't want to see her looking back at me, it's the first time I've seen that since I've been raped, even when I first got home from the hospital when I was raped I still saw Olivia Benson Cop." She explained her eyes fixed on the floor.

"But you are a Rape Victim Olivia, do you understand that?" Mary asked.

"No." Olivia replied honestly. "I have spent my career helping rape victims, making them see that there is a life after being attacked and brutalised but I can't see that myself, I don't see a life after survival because I'm stuck in this place." Olivia explained the best she could, she wasn't one for talking about feelings and she found trying to explain her emotions quite difficult.

"But there is a life after being raped Olivia, you know that, you're living your life you're just still in recovery at the moment can you understand that?" Mary asked and Olivia sighed and shook her head.

"I feel like… when I was with Katie yesterday I felt like my old self again, suddenly I wasn't a rape victim I was back at being Olivia the Detective and then I got into the hotel and I needed to cry for Katie, she wasn't just any victim she was a friend a close friend who I let into aspects of my life I've let no one but Elliot see and then I went into the bathroom and that's when I looked in the mirror and Mary I didn't see the cop looking back, I didn't see the person I felt like looking back at me." She explained shakily.

"So you felt like you were more yourself but you didn't see yourself?" Mary asked just to clarify.

"Exactly." Olivia sighed. "I wanted to look in that mirror and see me again but I couldn't I couldn't see past the person I've become since I became a victim."

"So you think that the way you look defines you as a victim?" Mary asked frowning slightly in confusion.

"No, but I was twenty pounds heavier before Toby McArthur got his filthy hands on me." Olivia explained. "I was happy, in love, with a good job and now I'm lost, alone and bored out of my skull." Olivia tried to compare but she couldn't find herself making much sense.

"What do you want Olivia?" Mary asked surprising the detective into looking at her.

"I don't …"

"Achieve, what do you want to achieve?" Mary clarified.

"I want to get better, I want my life back." Olivia said firmly. "and I will do whatever I have to do to make that happen."

"Good, now Olivia, I want you to try some medication for me, will you do that?" Mary asked and Olivia frowned, she'd been insisting the whole time she'd been here that she wouldn't take medication.

"What medication?" She found herself asking.

"I want to try you on some anti-anxieties and anti-depressants, just a light dosage though and see if they will make any difference." Mary explained.

"Do you think they will make a difference?" Olivia asked.

"I think they will." Mary replied honestly and Olivia nodded gently.

"Fine. I'll take them." Olivia replied, she wanted to get better and if that meant taking medication then she would give them a go, anything to get herself better.

"Good, I also have a woman coming in for some relaxation therapy today and we have a yoga instructor coming in if you want to give that a go." Mary smiled softly, she now felt that she could help Olivia win this battle.

"Fine." Olivia nodded. "I used to go to yoga all the time anyway before …" Her voice broke off and Mary nodded in understanding.

"Ok why don't you go and join the art therapy class and I will see you at twelve thirty with George for your usual session." Mary smiled and Olivia nodded and gave the older woman a quick hug surprising her a little before she rushed off.

She didn't go to Art Therapy, instead she made her way down the hall and she heard two familiar voices coming from the nurses' lounge so she stopped to listen.

Inside the room John Munch and Fin Tutuola were questioning Amanda about the events that had occurred on the night of Katie's rape.

"I've already told you, after light's out I do one round of the rooms before going to bed and I always start with Olivia and Katie's room which I did on that night as my routine and then I continued on down the hall before walking through the dining hall to the stairs to my room, I was not on night duty but I have no family to go home too and chose to stay here on a full time basis as does a few of the staff." Amanda explained and Olivia shook her head knowing she needed to find Elliot soon.

"Did anyone or anything seem up to you that night staff or patient?" Fin asked and Amanda shook her head.

"No don't you think I would have told you already if that was the case?" Amanda asked impatiently.

"Ok well we're going to be around for a few days so if anything comes to mind give us a shout." Munch sighed and Olivia took that as her cue to get out of there so she hurried off down the corridor towards her bedroom slamming the door shut behind her.

She was fuming. She'd just heard Amanda lie to her co-workers and she knew she would have to somehow be involved in this case but there was no way that Cragen would let her after the events of the previous evening.

Deciding if she didn't get involved then it would mean Katie's rapist wouldn't be caught and brought to justice Olivia jumped into the shower and quickly washed her hair as best she could with one arm sticking out of the shower curtain.

Then she got dressed in a pair of jeans and one of her work shirts and made sure to put on some make up and brush out her hair, she would need to prove to them that she was getting better and not worse if she had any hope of being a part of the investigation.

Once she was satisfied with how she looked she went on her way to find any of her co-workers. She found Cragen and Elliot interviewing one of the Orderlies Olivia knew as John, he was kind and warm towards the patients and Olivia had spoken with him a few times about Amanda who she hated.

"Uhh…" John stopped his eyes fixing on Olivia who gave him a nervous smile, the two cops turned to look at her.

Elliot smiled while Cragen raised his eyebrows towards her knowing she should have been doing something as a patient.

"Liv we're kinda busy can this wait?" Elliot asked knowing full well Olivia would get involved in this investigation.

"No Elliot it can't. John were you here the night Katie was raped?" Olivia asked but Cragen stopped him from answering.

"Olivia you can't be a part of this investigation." Cragen informed her.

"You didn't say that yesterday." Olivia snapped.

"That was before …" He stopped hesitantly.

"Before what? Go on you can say it." Olivia hissed and Cragen glanced at Elliot who actually felt very proud of Olivia, she seemed much more herself as she stood with her hands on her hips glaring at her superior officer.

"Before you tried to commit suicide." He finished.

"Wrong you should really talk to my shrink." Olivia shrugged and Elliot had to stifle a laugh and Olivia glanced at him a twinkle in her eye that hadn't been there in weeks.

"Olivia…"

"Well I overheard Munch and Fin talking with Amanda the nurse and I can tell you that she was lying through her teeth but if I'm not a part of this investigation then…" Olivia turned around slowly as she talked but Cragen's hand on her shoulder had her stopping with a cheeky grin on her face.

"You can't say that then walk away Liv." Cragen informed her.

"You're the one who said I couldn't be a part of this investigation." Olivia said innocently.

Elliot could see what Olivia was doing and he felt very proud of her, he could also see that it was working and that Don was about to give in to her.

"Tell us what you know and tell us where to go from here." Cragen sighed and Olivia broke out into a wide grin.

"Sure but let me finish talking to John then I'll fill you in, but I'm afraid I'm going to need my partner back." She smiled cheekily at Elliot.

"He's all yours." Cragen smiled, the change in Olivia's face was obvious and who was he to deny her this opportunity, being a cop was in her blood.

"So John were you working the night of Katie's rape?" Olivia asked and he shook his head.

"No Olivia I wasn't but you knew that." John replied.

"How would Olivia know that, she wasn't here." Elliot replied.

"Then she wouldn't know, I didn't know she wasn't here." John replied shrugging.

"You'd gone to visit your Mom the day before I went home, and you weren't back until the night I came back, your shift would have only just started when I found Katie." Olivia replied and John nodded.

"You have a good memory there Olivia." John smiled at her as if she was a pre-schooler who had succeeded at counting to ten.

"It comes with the job, thanks John if we need anything else we'll come find you." Olivia smiled before she walked away.

Cragen and Elliot hurried behind her because it was obvious she didn't want to talk about what she had heard out in the open. She took them to her room and closed the door which wasn't usually allowed during the day time but considering everything going on she didn't think anyone would come and open it.

"So what did you hear Amanda say Liv?" Elliot asked as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"She told Munch and Fin that she checked everyone's rooms before going to bed, she also said she started with ours and it happened straight after lights out but that's a lie, I've been here nineteen days now but not once has anyone come into the room after light's out unless it's too pump me up full of sedatives." Olivia laughed at the end of her statement not because it was funny but because of the looks on Elliot and Don's faces. "I told you this place was a nut house." She grinned almost childishly.

"So it was a rare occurrence for her to have checked the room?" Elliot asked and Olivia shook her head.

"No she said it was her routine to check everyone's rooms starting here but that would mean she would come in here within five or ten minutes of lights out and I can promise you that me and Katie stay awake for a good hour or two talking once the lights are off, we've not once had anyone come in to check on us." Olivia explained and the men nodded their understanding.

"What reason would Amanda have to lie though Liv?" Elliot asked and Don looked at Olivia eager for an answer.

"I don't know guys but that is something I would like to find out." Olivia smirked almost evilly.

"Ok so what do you suggest?" Don asked.

"We need the staff rota from the night of the rape, I would bet that someone on the staff knows where Amanda was when lights went out at ten pm, one thing I know for sure is she wasn't on this floor checking the rooms." She explained.

"Fine I'll get on that, it's eleven thirty now why don't you Olivia go join one of your therapy sessions, use them as a mode for questioning." Don suggested.

"They all know I'm a cop Don if I try and question them in therapy sessions they're going to close up quickly, if we have to disrupt the session and question them individually and more formally then that's what we're going to have to do." Olivia explained.

"Fine but not now, you go to therapy Elliot come with me to find Munch and Fin so we can see what they've learned and we can get the staff rota." Don explained and Olivia sighed heavily and sat down on her bed.

"Liv?" Cragen asked and she looked at him almost beat.

"What?" She sighed again.

"Go to therapy." He told her and she nodded and disappeared down the corridor leaving the men in her room.

"You think she's ok to handle this case?" Cragen asked Elliot, he knew her best so he would be best in making this judgment.

"She already is Cap, whatever happened last night had nothing to do with this case but if you're worried talk to Mary but from what I just saw, she has her head in the game and wants to solve this case, I haven't seen that side of Olivia since before the kidnap." Elliot explained quite happily as the change in Olivia had really raised his spirit and hope that she would get better.

"Ok but she looked so sad leaving this room Elliot." Cragen sighed.

"You sent her back to therapy Cap, she hates the thought she has to be in therapy and hates even more that you just sent her there." Elliot told him and he nodded his understanding.

"She needs the therapy though Elliot." He replied.

"I know, I'm not denying that but she doesn't see you sending her off to therapy in the way you see it, she sees it as a way of pushing her down, making her feel that you don't trust her ability to work this case." Elliot explained.

"When did you become the shrink?" Don asked making Elliot chuckle.

"I just know my partner." Elliot smiled.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 12.00 pm

Olivia sat at her usual bench enjoying her lunch, she hadn't made it to the therapy session, not that she cared, and now she was sat on her own missing Katie more than ever. Amanda came over with a smile pasted on her face and Olivia suddenly lost her appetite and pushed her plate away.

"Now that isn't eating Olivia." Amanda sighed as she took the bench beside the older woman.

"Suddenly lost my appetite." Olivia shrugged.

"You hardly ate breakfast, just because Mary was sat with you don't think I didn't notice you push your eggs around your plate and never put the fork to your mouth." Amanda continued in the patronising voice that drove Olivia mad.

"What do you want Amanda?" Olivia snapped turning to look at the nurse.

"I just want to make sure you're ok." Amanda smiled gently and Olivia sighed.

"Why is it every meal time you come over here to me and Katie, even with her not here you still come over, why?" Olivia asked, her detective interrogation skills coming to the forefront of her mind and she suddenly wished Elliot was by her side.

"It's my job to take care of you all Olivia." Amanda explained but Olivia shook her head.

"No you see you come over to this table to me and Katie every meal time yet not always do you go to the other tables, explain that to me." Olivia replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about Olivia." Amanda sighed and shook her head.

"Don't lie." Olivia hissed getting to her feet.

"I think a session in the exclusion room would be beneficial to you right now Olivia." Amanda sighed and Olivia slammed her hands on the table making Amanda jump.

"I'm going to find out what you're hiding Amanda, if that is the last thing I do." Olivia snapped.

"You know the way." Amanda replied trying to hide any indentation of her intimidation.

Olivia didn't see Don, Elliot, Munch and Fin watch the discussion or interrogation between Olivia and Amanda. They stared in shock as they watched Olivia walk away with Amanda close behind her.

"Where are they going?" Elliot asked the other men beside him.

"I don't know but Olivia wasn't hesitating, she walked off ahead of Amanda which proved she knew where she was going, don't worry about it Elliot." Don reassured him.

"Can't help but worry about her." He replied sighing before turning back to his lunch.

"Did you see her go into her interrogation mode then?" Fin asked grinning happily.

"Yeah she hasn't lost her detective's skills." Munch chirped and the men all smiled, that was very true, the Olivia they knew and loved was still there.

"I wonder if she learned anything." Fin added.

"Well if she has then she will let us know as soon as she can." Don informed them and they nodded in agreement.

"Is it just me or does this feel like a very awkward undercover operation?" Fin sighed and Elliot and Munch nodded enthusiastically, that was exactly what this felt like.

"It's like we know she's learning things we need to know but she's so deep in it she can't get the information back to us." Elliot replied and they all mumbled agreements.

"She'll tell us as soon as she can." Don replied knowing that's all he could say on the matter.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 12.34 pm

"You do like to make things more difficult don't you?" Mary's happy voice filtered from the open door.

Olivia was lying side on in the arm chair so her legs draped over one arm and her head rested on the other, her hands stroked her flat abdomen as she had been thinking about her unborn child.

"Of course I do when Amanda's in the question." Olivia smiled as she swung her legs round to the side of the chair and pushed herself to sitting.

"What did she do this time?" Mary asked folding her arms and giving Olivia a mock stern look.

"Just existing?" Olivia tried the laughter at the tip of her tongue.

"That's not very nice Olivia." Mary sighed walking towards her.

"I know I just can't help it, I don't like her." Olivia explained as she got to her feet.

"That's plainly obvious." Mary chuckled. "You've had maybe two conversations with her that hasn't led you to this room."

"I think they should rename this room after me." Olivia laughed and Mary grinned, now this was the Olivia Benson she had gotten to know and love.

"I'll suggest it in the staff room." Mary replied. "Until then George is waiting for us." Mary smiled and she led Olivia down the corridors and to the therapy room.

They walked in and found George Huang already stated and waiting for them. Olivia sat down feeling apprehensive now, she was going to go on medication and even though she'd agreed she wasn't comfortable with it.

"Ok so I'm going to put you on Citalopram twenty mils that's an anti-depressant and we'll see how it goes and we can up the dosage if necessary now you won't feel much change in the first week and the second week is often worse, you'll feel more depressed but then week three you'll start to feel better." Mary explained.

"What they're going to make me worse?" Olivia asked in shock.

"Just in the second week and then they'll kick in and you'll feel better." Mary informed her and nodded and sighed, she wasn't so sure anymore.

"That means I'm going to be stuck here for at least three more weeks." Olivia grumbled and Mary nodded knowing it wasn't what Olivia wanted to hear.

"Then I want you on ten mils of diazepam." Mary said.

"Valium?" Olivia asked, being a cop she'd come across all sorts of medications and drugs in her career.

"Yeah." Mary replied and Olivia sighed and nodded.

"Well here you go." George said handing a pill pot and a glass of water over to Olivia.

She took them and looked at the three pills in the pot, she could see that two were the same and one was different. She could sense that Mary and George were watching her so without thinking twice she tipped the pot into her mouth and gulped down some water washing the three pills into her body.

"Now side effects." Mary said and Olivia sighed, this wasn't something she'd considered before, she was so focused on getting better. "You may want to sleep more, you may be clumsy, nausea …"

"Yeah not that I'm going to be getting that soon anyway." Olivia replied sarcastically and Mary smiled.

"and slurred speech, they're common with this medication so if it happens don't worry about it, we'll monitor you closely of course but if you get any other side effects I want you to tell me disorientation, hallucinations, aggressiveness, and anything else you're not sure about." Mary informed her.

"How fast could the side effects kick in?" Olivia asked.

"Within the first thirty minutes of taking them, that's why you're going in to see the relaxation therapist and get a massage and then you can go and relax in your room just in case you become drowsy and then tomorrow you can get your meds after lunch with everyone else." Mary smiled.

"Fine." Olivia nodded.

"Ok well I'll take you down to see the relaxation therapist now then." Mary smiled getting to her feet and Olivia gave George a polite smile before following Mary out of the room.

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**Next Chapter – Severe side effects from the medication make Mary realise she may have made a big mistake with Olivia and the case lays forgotten for a while. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	17. 17 Destroying

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**SMUT CHAPTER!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Seventeen – Destroying

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 2.56 pm

After a very relaxing massage curtsey of the relaxation therapist Olivia had now been napping in her room for about twenty minutes. She wanted to be out with Elliot trying to find Katie's rapist but she had been hit with the side effects of her medication and she wasn't going to fight it, it would take some time for her body to adjust to the drugs and she knew that.

"Liv."

She heard Elliot's voice rouse her from her dreamless drug induced sleep.

"Yeah?" She groaned rolling onto her back and opening her eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the light.

"You ok?" Elliot asked coming to sit on the bed.

"Yeah." She replied shifting her head onto his lap so he could run his fingers through her hair.

"So what were you interrogating Amanda about earlier?" He asked as she yawned.

"Just tryna find why Amanda always came to the table to me and Katie, she never does it with other people, I mean she goes to other tables but she always comes to me and Katie and I couldn't help but wonder why you know?" Olivia explained.

"Olivia have you been drinking?" Elliot asked with a frown on his face.

"No what? Where would I get alcohol in this place?" Olivia chuckled.

"You're slurring." Elliot informed her and Olivia groaned.

"Great. That's a second side effect to these medications they've got me on." Olivia sighed.

"You're on meds? Could they harm the baby?" Elliot asked in a panic.

"No Elliot, Mary wouldn't put me on anything that would hurt our baby." She said her hand instantly going to her abdomen.

"Ok, sorry baby I can't help but be concerned I don't want anything to happen to either of you." He explained.

"I know, so how's the case going? I was going to come and join you after relaxation therapy but I was drowsy." Olivia explained.

"Not so good, so far no one heard anything no one saw anything." Elliot sighed, he was as desperate as Olivia to find out who had hurt Katie.

"I miss her." Olivia sighed as she thought of the woman she would happily call best friend, it was obvious that being locked up in this place made strong bonds form quickly, that had definitely happened between herself and Katie.

"I know, we'll find who did this." Elliot told her firmly as she pushed herself to sitting.

"We won't sat here." Olivia smiled as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

"Liv you should rest if this medication is making you drowsy." Elliot told her.

"El I'm fine now come on, let's go catch us a rapist."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 21st 5.31 pm

Olivia had just sat down with her dinner, she had wanted to go with Elliot and Cragen but they were going to the sheriff's office to talk about the case and there was no way they would let her leave the centre, Huang had informed her of possible side effects of her medication and they couldn't risk any of it happening while she wasn't in the centre.

"Olivia how are we feeling?" Amanda asked and Olivia groaned, she really wasn't in the mood for this and as the woman sat down beside her she pushed her plate away and went to stand up.

"You need to eat." Amanda informed her as she clutched Olivia's arm softly.

"You need to get out of my face." Olivia hissed.

"Now now Olivia, come on there is no need to be so aggressive." Amanda told her.

"No need to be … you know that I know you're covering something up that is hindering us finding Katie's rapist and I swear to you Amanda when I find what it is I will make sure I bring you down do I make myself clear?" Olivia's eyes were wide in anger and Amanda wasn't sure this was actually 'Olivia' talking to her.

"Sit down and calm down Olivia." Amanda tried.

"Fuck off." Olivia snapped going to walk away again but Amanda pulled her arm and Olivia snapped. "What the fuck do you want from me Amanda?" Olivia yelled right into the nurse's face and for the first time Amanda actually felt scared of Olivia. "What is it you want?" Olivia yelled again.

"I want to help you Olivia now come and sit down." Amanda tried to remain her calm and confident self but she was failing miserably.

"Don't you get it that I don't like you and I don't like people who cover up rapes Amanda I want you to let the fuck go of me before I smack you!" Olivia yelled.

"You wouldn't …"

"Don't try me!" Olivia screamed right into Amanda's face.

"Olivia…"

That was it. Olivia snapped and pulled her arm roughly from Amanda's grip, ripping some of her stitches in the process causing her to yell out in pain but that didn't stop her as she pushed her hand into Amanda's jaw pushing her over the table.

"I need twenty of Haldol!" Amanda yelled as Olivia hissed angrily at her completely incoherently.

George Huang and Mary rushed in just as the sedative was stabbed into Olivia's neck, the only place the Orderly could get her. In seconds Olivia was falling into the drugs slumber into the arms of Orderlies. They quickly carried her out and Mary and George rushed after them.

"Don't!" George yelled as they went to put her in restraints.

"George." Mary shook her head.

"Mary!" George yelled angrily.

"It's the drugs George we have to keep her restrained until they're out of her system." Mary informed him.

"But it will make her worse!" George yelled at her impatiently.

"We don't have a choice here!" Mary yelled back at him.

George sighed and walked out of the room completely fuming, he hated seeing this happen to Olivia, he blamed himself that he hadn't tackled the RTS while she was still in recovery from work, even though deep down he knew he wasn't to blame that didn't stop him from blaming himself.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 22nd 3.12 am

Olivia knew as soon as she started waking up that she'd been sedated, there was a difference in waking up from sleep and waking up from being sedated that she couldn't have explained to anyone. As she shifted she felt the restraints and breathed deeply, she didn't want to have a flashback this time and she continued to take deep steady breaths willing her mind to stay in the present tense.

"Liv?" George Huang asked and she turned her head towards the direction of his voice.

"What happened?" Olivia asked him her voice dry.

"Drug induced psychosis." He explained as he stood up to remove her hands from the restraints.

"No more." Olivia sighed sitting up and taking off the restraints from her ankles herself.

"What do you mean Liv?" George asked.

"I can't do this anymore George, I said I'd try but this is just getting worse and worse!" Olivia yelled angrily, George took as step back and Olivia laughed almost evilly. "See even you're scared of me." She sighed. "No more." She explained as she hoped off the bed and walked to the door.

"Liv you can't leave this room yet." George told her.

"Why?" Olivia frowned.

"Not until we're sure the drugs are out of your system." George explained.

"Oh well in that case … move!" She told him as he blocked the door.

"Liv…"

"George I don't want to argue with you now move out of my way so I can pack my things." She told him.

"Liv…"

"George!" She yelled which caught the attention of Mary and Amanda who had been waiting for her to wake up from outside the door. "Oh and here comes the cavalry, stab me with anything and I will sue now move out of my way." She informed them straight.

"Olivia please think about this." Mary pleaded.

"I have thought about it Mary and I just want to find Katie's rapist and go home to be with my fiancé and enjoy my pregnancy." She informed the doctor.

"You're not ready to go Olivia, you're still sick."

"Yes! Sick and fucking tired of you lot making me worse!" She yelled.

"Olivia…"

"Don't! I have been here for nearly twenty days and I haven't gotten any better, the only thing better is that I am not getting flashbacks, I didn't have one when I woke up and even though I know that isn't an instant cure I gave this a chance and now I just want to go home!" She cried the tears flooding down her face.

"Amanda will you escort Olivia to her room so that she can get some rest, do not leave her alone as we still have a rapist here, Olivia you can pack in the morning but right now you need some sleep." Mary said unable to hide how disheartened she was, this was all her fault.

Amanda nodded and Olivia followed the woman without arguing, as much as she didn't like Amanda right now it was her only means of escaping the room.

George and Mary rushed off to the therapy room to talk as they needed a plan of action and fast. As soon as the coffee was done they started to discuss what they could do.

"So Olivia's in the outward adjustment stages of RTS, she's got depression, insomnia, flashbacks, mood swings and helplessness now we need to somehow focus on one of those so she can see that she can be helped." George explained hurriedly.

"Helplessness, that's the root of this problem, she feels like she can't be helped, if we get rid of that then we can focus on the rest of the problems." Mary said just before the door swung wide open and a frightened looking Amanda rushed in making the two psychiatrists jump to their feet in panic.

"Olivia rushed outside I couldn't stop her." Amanda explained visibly breathless from running to them.

The three of them quickly rushed out the door and ran as fast as they could, George in the process calling Elliot and Cragen hoping Olivia wouldn't do something stupid in the process, the drugs were still messing with her head and he knew that.

They ran outside into the cool air and saw that Olivia had jumped the fence and was now sat on the side of the lake her shoes and socks beside her and her feet in the water.

"Olivia!" Mary yelled as the three of them climbed over the fence.

"Stay there!" Olivia yelled jumping to her feet.

The three of them stopped as soon as they jumped over the fence, they knew better than to argue with a mentally unstable woman in cases like this.

"Olivia, we can help you, you need to believe that." Mary called to her.

"You're lying!" Olivia yelled.

"No Olivia, we've made mistakes but that's what it's like, everything we've done may have failed so far but its trial and error, we haven't made the same mistakes twice!" Mary called over to her.

"You said you'd help me and all you've done is made me worse!" Olivia sobbed. "I was fine till I came here!" She yelled.

"No you weren't Olivia." George replied. "You weren't yourself at all, we want to help you get over what happened best we can, the flashbacks, they went away didn't they?"

"But they came back!" Olivia cried. "I was fine till she become an arrogant bitch!" Olivia signalled towards Amanda.

"She's a trigger Olivia, it means she can set off episodes in you and that we can address, we can make sure that Amanda doesn't work with you if that's what you want!" Mary explained to her.

In the distance Elliot and Cragen were running towards them with Munch and Fin. Elliot and Fin were a few feet ahead of the other two as they were generally fitter.

"You called them?" Olivia gasped.

"I had to!" George explained. "They're your family!"

"I have no family!" Olivia yelled back at him.

"I know you feel so alone right now Olivia but we can help, we'll get to the bottom of this and help you get better!" Mary yelled back to her.

"It's too late!" Olivia yelled just as Elliot and Fin jumped the fence.

"Olivia…"

"Stay back!" She yelled taking a tiny step backwards towards the lake.

"Please!" Elliot called. "Baby I need you!"

"No Elliot, I hurt you, I make life difficult for you!" Olivia cried.

"No Olivia I love you!" Elliot yelled to her.

"No you don't!" She yelled frantically. "I can't do this anymore!"

"Can't do what Olivia?" Mary yelled as she gripped George's arm.

"Live like this!" She sobbed.

It broke everyone's hearts, Don and Munch even heard as they climbed over the fence to join the group.

"Olivia!" Elliot sobbed this broke his heart. "What have you done to her?" Elliot yelled at Mary and George.

"I'm sorry El." Olivia yelled as she pulled a knife from her sleeve.

"No!" Elliot yelled.

It happened in seconds. Olivia pressed the knife to her throat but Elliot ran over and dived onto her, they both plummeted into the icy water and everyone standing on the side lines rushed over. They could see the splashing of water and a struggle. The knife was up in the air, clearly still in Olivia's hand but Elliot's hand was locked around her wrist as they both kicked their legs in a struggle to stay about the calm water.

"Give me the knife Liv." Elliot pleaded is as he wrapped his free arm around her waist.

"I can't do that Elliot." Olivia sobbed as she tried to wriggle free of his grasp.

"I can't lose you Liv." He whispered the tears flowing freely from his eyes.

"I don't deserve you." She replied as she pressed her sodden bandaged hand to her fiancé's face.

"I need you Liv." He told her as she sobbed. "I need you to live for me."

"I can't. It hurts El, every time whether I'm awake or asleep, I can't live like this anymore." She sobbed.

"Let me help you. I won't let them make any more mistakes, I'm staying here with you, I'm going to hold you in my arms every night and I'm going to be there every step of the way until you're ready to come home." He informed her and finally her grip loosened on the knife and she relaxed into his arms. "I've got you Liv and I am never letting go." He whispered as he threw the knife into the distant depths of the water.

"I'm sorry." She cried as her arms held tight around his neck. "I'm so sorry."

"I know baby me too, we're going to fix this though ok?" He told her and she nodded and nestled her head into his shoulders.

Amanda had paged up to the centre and had towels brought down the lake side for the two of them.

"Maybe we should get you out of this water." Elliot whispered as he felt her shivering into him.

"Y-yeah." She said her teeth chattering against each other.

He slowly pushed himself backwards with one arm and his legs, the other arm wrapped around Olivia's torso as she clung to him. Munch and Fin grabbed Olivia as soon as they were at the edge and hoisted her shaking figure out of the water so Elliot could climb out. As soon as he was wrapped in a towel he pulled Olivia into his lap and held her as she cried, he whispered sweet nothings into her ear which seemed to make her cry harder but he didn't care, he needed to reaffirm his love to her and she was listening to him now.

"Come on we need to get the two of you inside before you catch hypothermia." Mary told Elliot.

He made sure he had a good grip on Olivia before he stood up with her still sobbing in his chest. He carried her all the way to the bedroom and stripped her wet clothes from her skin while Mary put on the shower with Amanda, the men all stayed outside giving the now catatonic woman some sense of decorum.

Elliot carried her into the bathroom and held her underwear clad shaking figure in the shower, he himself still dressed in his sopping wet clothes.

Amanda was in the bedroom getting Olivia's pyjamas some clean underwear and her robe while Elliot washed the grime of the lake from her body and hair closely supervised by Mary who looked like she needed a good cry.

Olivia remained silent as Elliot carried her back to the bedroom and dried her off before changing her, he hated doing it in front of Amanda and Mary but he knew there was no way he would be left alone with her as she was now definitely a suicide risk.

Once she was dressed in her pyjamas and Elliot had pulled on her robe Mary sat on the bed and took over holding Olivia so he could get dry and change. He did everything as fast as he possibly could not wanting to leave Olivia alone for a single moment.

When he was back in the bedroom he helped Olivia into bed and climbed in beside her pulling her into his chest. She had rolled herself into foetus position but he felt her relax into his arms when he wrapped her around him.

"I'll stay here tonight." Mary whispered to Amanda.

Amanda nodded and left the room but Mary followed her to talk to the men waiting to hear how she was doing.

"She's not talked, not a word." Mary told them and they nodded eager to know more but apprehensive about the psychiatrist's conclusion. "There's not really anything we can do tonight, Elliot's in bed holding her and I'm going to sleep in Katie's bed and we'll see how things are in the morning." Mary explained and with that she went back into the bedroom and closed the door before climbing into the second bed in the room and closing her eyes hoping that the two hours sleep she would get before the breakfast alarm rang would be enough.

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**Next Chapter – Does Olivia finally face her daemons? **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	18. 18 Informing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**SMUT CHAPTER!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Eighteen – Informing

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 22nd 9.23 am

Olivia was sat on the couch in the treatment room, she'd barely even acknowledged that Mary was sat in front of her. She'd still not spoken which seemed to be the biggest concern of all at the moment and Mary didn't even know where to begin trying to get her to talk.

"Olivia, I know you're feeling confused about everything that has happened over the past couple of days." Mary began with the hope that somehow she would get the Detective to open up. "I can only tell you that I am sorry, I really am to blame for all of this." Mary continued hoping that the flicker of emotion she was convinced she'd seen on Olivia's face was real. "I pushed you so hard, I thought I could help you with drugs and I made you worse, I know what happened to Katie was tough for you to cope with but I didn't see that and I let you go to that hotel not realising that the best place for you to be was here around some familiarity and I know you feel helpless, I know you feel like I've cheated you in some way and I am sorry Liv, I really am and I hope that I haven't destroyed you and that you'll give me one last chance to make this right, to help you."

"How?"

Olivia's voice was so quiet that Mary was surprised and for a moment she was even sure that she had imagined it.

"How would you help me now?" Olivia asked her eyes hooking onto Mary's, they still looked empty and emotionless.

"By making you see you have reasons to live, reasons to get better and to show you that you have still got a life outside this place but first of all Olivia I need you to help find Katie's rapist, I don't think anyone but you can do that." Mary explained.

"I need to find him." Olivia whispered as tears filled her eyes. "It's my fault she was raped."

"No Sweetie no it wasn't your fault at all." Mary knelt down in front of Olivia and put her hands on the Detective's knees.

"It was." Olivia sobbed.

"No! Olivia it was in no way your fault please see that." Mary needed her to see that it wasn't her fault so that she could move forward and begin to heal.

"I hate myself." Olivia whispered. "For what I did to Katie."

"You have to stop this Olivia and see that this is in no way your fault, if you'd have thought anything like this would happen to her you wouldn't have left and you would have made sure that it didn't happen, you couldn't have known Olivia." Mary informed her as Olivia dropped her head and shook with sobs.

"I didn't know!" Olivia cried.

"I know Olivia, Katie doesn't blame you, she was calling me yesterday asking if she could come back, she said she missed you and couldn't wait to see you but she doesn't want to come back till we find out who raped her." Mary explained.

"I need to find him." Olivia said firmly and Mary nodded this is what she needed from Olivia. "I just don't know how."

"You've got a team of Detectives out there waiting for you to give them instructions on how to find this guy Olivia and I assure you that I will make sure everyone co-operates with you. Just do what you do best and be a cop Liv." Mary smiled and Olivia nodded and wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"I got to do this for Kay." Olivia replied and Mary smiled again.

"Now think what you want each of the Detectives to do and then we can get them in here, I'm going to set this up as a little office for you and then you can all share your information in here without the chances of being overheard." Mary smiled, it was so far working and she had some renewed hope in her that she could actually help Olivia Benson.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled weakly, it was a start at least.

Mary called the men into the room while Olivia stood to greet them, she hid her blushing cheeks while she stared at the floor, she was feeling a lot of shame from what had happened last night but when Cragen wrapped his arms around her she returned the embrace and kissed him softly on the cheek, grateful for this reassurance he was giving her.

"Now let's catch us a rapist." Cragen whispered into her ear and she nodded and reluctantly pulled away from her.

"Right Munch and Fin re-interview Amanda I know that woman is hiding something and until we know what it is it's relevant and then Elliot and I will speak with the female patients, see if they've felt anyone make unnatural advances towards them, I think this person is a member of staff not a patient." Olivia went into Detective mode with ease and everyone had to suppress their grins.

"What makes you think that it's staff Olivia?" Huang asked wanting to see if she had reasons for profiling the rapist in this way.

"Means and Opportunity." Olivia replied. "After lights out it would be almost impossible for a patient in the male wing to travel to the female wing without being seen by someone."

"Valid point." Mary smiled enthusiastically.

"Ok and that leaves Don and George to talk about the state of mental health with Mary." Olivia smirked as she slipped her hand into Elliot's. "See you later." She called as she and the Detectives filled out of the room.

**A/N: Next three block are same time frames different parts of the centre. **

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 22nd 10.21 am

Once the Detectives closed the door behind them Don turned to the two psychiatrists.

"I hope to God you two know what you're doing." He grumbled.

"We're running out of options here Don." Mary replied.

"You're letting her run around playing Detective!" Don snapped.

"That's her profession Don!" Mary snapped back.

"Oh why don't we give her gun and cuffs in the process?" Don replied sarcastically.

"Don the familiarity should help Olivia connect with who she is beneath who she had become, we have to stop this transition she has taken from becoming permanent and we lose her forever." George explained as simply as he could.

"Not the point! Last night she was holding a knife to her neck and now she's running around trying to find a rapist, if anything happens to her George I swear…"

"No need for threats Captain." Mary spat. "She'll be fine, she's with Elliot and I don't think he'll be able to take his eyes off her for a while."

"She looked …"

"Happy? Confident?" Mary asked finishing Don's sentence.

"Both." Don shrugged.

"Hopefully solving this case will make those changes more permanent Don, that's why I thought I'd have her work it in the first place but we tried doing everything at once and it didn't work, it backfired on me and I do blame myself for all of this." Mary sighed.

"Don't." Don shook his head. "It's all downhill from there, you can't blame yourself, Olivia doesn't blame you."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 22nd 10.21 am

Munch and Fin walked up to the nurses' station where Amanda was stood chatting with another nurse. She saw the Detectives look at her and sent the younger nurse on her way.

"What can I do for you Detectives?" Amanda asked plastering on her friendliest smile.

"We want to know why you lied to us when we last talked." Munch replied and she stared at him in shock.

"I don't …"

"Don't lie Detective B… Olivia overheard us interviewing you last time and pointed out that in the whole time she's been here you've not checked in on them once." Fin replied quickly recovering from leaving Olivia's real surname, not that it would matter now anyway, if anyone wanted to find out who Olivia would be easy enough with the whole of Manhattan SVU there investigating.

"I… I don't …" Amanda really didn't know where to begin telling the Detectives why she lied but it was obvious from the look on her face that she wasn't going to drop it.

"Well? Is it anything to do with the obsession you have with Olivia?" Munch asked.

"Obsession?" Amanda asked in surprise.

"Yeah see we know that you spend a lot of time talking to her and then sending her to the exclusion room and other than Olivia you've sent … no one else into the exclusion room in the whole twenty days she's been here." Fin smirked.

"How …"

"You log in the patients in a book, Olivia's the only person you've logged in there in twenty days and surprisingly, you've never sent Katie yet the two of them are as bad as each other." Fin explained.

"I think it may have something to do with her reaction towards me, I do my job but she doesn't like that, she insists on being cocky and arrogant just like the two of you, I guess it must be a New York thing." Amanda snapped before walking off.

"That was pointless." Munch sighed.

"Hey maybe we should get Olivia herself to talk to her." Fin suggested and Munch nodded in agreement.

"May get her to tell us what she's hiding." Munch smiled. "We could always wire Olivia up."

"My thought exactly." Fin smirked.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 22nd 10.21 am

Olivia and Elliot smiled as they split up in the study room. Olivia went straight over to a couple of the girls she was friendly with.

"Hey Olivia." Molly smiled.

"Hey Mol', Hey Jaz." Olivia smiled taking one of the arm chairs with the girls.

"What are you and your boyfriend doing?" Molly asked looking over at Elliot who were talking to a couple of the girls.

"We're investigating Katie's rape." Olivia explained.

"Ok so I'm guessing you have questions for us, so go ahead and ask them." Jasmine smiled.

"Yeah we want to sleep better at night and we will be able to do that as soon as the sick fuckers locked up." Molly added.

"Ok, have any of the men, staff or patients ever made you feel uncomfortable?" Olivia asked.

"One." They both said in unison.

"Well?" Olivia asked.

"Doctor Lucas Smith." They both again replied in unison.

"Huh I never seen it." Olivia shrugged.

"Yeah he likes to get you when you're feeling at your most weak." Jasmine explained.

"You know the girl who seems a bit lower than normal he makes sure he has a word with them to just 'check-up' on them and ugh he gets a bit close you know." Molly explained.

"Oh ok anyone else?" Olivia asked and they both shook their heads.

Elliot was talking with more of the girls and he received almost an exact version of what Olivia had heard.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia goes from strength to strength with a little help from a friend … and an 'almost' undercover op. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	19. 19 Catching

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**A/N: SKIP OF FOUR DAYS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Nineteen – Catching

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 26th 11.13 am

Olivia stared at her co-workers with fury in her eyes, they had been spending the last hour in what was once the therapy room but now known as the incident room. Mary was the only member of staff who knew the details of the case, not that the staff hadn't been badgering her.

"Please?" Olivia yelled.

"No way Olivia!" Cragen yelled for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour.

"This may be the only way to catch this guy, we catch him in the act and then we can get a court order for his DNA and prove he raped Katie!" Olivia yelled back.

"Hold on both of you!" Mary called deciding she would be the best mediator as Olivia and Cragen were nose to nose. "Now Don can you think of any other way of doing this without Olivia?"

"No he's been trying to think of another way for FOUR days!" Olivia yelled.

Cragen glared at her, she was right, they had been thinking about many different ways of trying to trap their perp but they'd come up empty every time.

"No." Cragen sighed.

"Then let me do this and we can get him!" Olivia replied firmly.

"What do you think?" Cragen asked Mary who sighed, she hadn't wanted it to come to this.

"In some ways doing this could be very beneficial for Olivia, she faces her deamons and possibly captures her friend's rapist..."

"I hear a but." Cragen sighed.

"But it could also have the opposite affect and set Olivia's recovery back if anything goes wrong." Mary sighed.

"Then there's my answer you're not doing it." Cragen said firmly.

"COULD have the opposite affect not WILL please let me do this Cap' I know I'm ready I CAN do this." Olivia was insisting because she felt obligated to do this for Katie.

"Elliot?" Cragen asked.

"Hey she's my fiancé and our pillow talk has consisted of her determination to do whatever she can to catch the bastard, I am not going to be the one to say she can't do it." Elliot sighed, he wanted to scream that she was out of her mind about what she was considering but he knew she needed to do this.

"Fine! I give!" Cragen sighed and Olivia broke out into a grin.

"Thank you!" She smiled wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'll do this properly, no mistakes or anything." Olivia smiled.

"I know. I just worry about you sweetheart." Cragen smiled as he returned the embrace.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 26th 7.04 pm

Group therapy had become something of a hobby for Olivia, or more staking out Lucas Smith in group therapy had become a hobby but today she kept her eyes on the floor and her shoulders hunched, she didn't want Mary to see that she was nervous about what was going on but she wanted to make sure she did a damn good job of this to make sure they lured in their perp.

"Olivia what about you?" Mary's voice hit her ears.

"Huh what?" Olivia asked snapping out of her thought's and looking at the older woman.

"Molly was just saying that she's worried about side effects from anti-anxieties what do think about that?" Mary asked.

"Just take the drugs or don't it's your choice." Olivia sighed before fixing her gaze back on the floor.

"Ok we'll call it a night there, Molly want to come for a chat?" Mary smiled softly knowing that Olivia really wasn't in the mood for a discussion about drugs.

Olivia didn't move, she was just praying to God that this plan they had would work.

"Olivia?" Lucas smiled coming to sit in the now vacated seat beside her.

"Hey." Olivia smiled weakly at him.

"What's bothering you?" Lucas asked.

"I told Mary I wanted to get used to sleeping by myself again." Olivia explained. "She wasn't too happy about it and neither was Elliot but I think Katie's rapist is long gone."

"So are you going to be sleeping alone?" Lucas asked trying to mask the joy from his voice at the mere thought.

"Yeah, I think I persuaded them at last, it was a full blown argument though and I'm sick of arguing, I mean I'm making decisions for myself again, I feel like I'm getting my independence back." Olivia explained further and Lucas kept up a smile and gently nodded along with her to show that he was listening.

"That's great Olivia, you're taking back some control, that will really help you in the process of healing." Lucas smiled the enthusiasm in his voice evident.

"Exactly! I just want to get better so I can go home." Olivia explained.

"We'll get you there Olivia, just keep doing what you're doing and remember …" He dropped his hand to her shoulder and stroked her gently. "My door is always open if you need a chat and don't want to go to Mary." He smiled.

"Thank you Lucas." She replied batting her eyelashes before he walked off.

Olivia glanced at Mary who'd seen this conversation and gave her a wink before going off to talk to the squad.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 26th 7.27 pm

"Well?" Cragen asked as soon as she walked into the therapy room.

"Worked like a charm." She smiled wickedly, she'd enjoyed being back doing what she did best and she knew now if the rest of their plan worked that they would be without a doubt leaving her and she would have to leave all this behind for a while.

"I'm still not happy about this." Cragen sighed as Olivia sat down on the couch beside Elliot, automatically curling up into his side.

"He's taken the bait, there's no going back now Don and we'll get him and get justice for Katie." Olivia smiled, that's what was important.

"I know but I'm worried about you Olivia." Don explained just as the door opened and Mary came in.

"Stop worrying, I'm fine!" Olivia sighed, she'd really had enough of them trying to change her mind on this.

"How did it go?" Don asked turning to Mary.

"Fine, he reacted in the way Olivia predicted, she seemed fine when he touched her so I'm guessing we're all systems go for tonight." Mary replied nervously, she didn't like this one bit but she had to let Olivia make her own mind up about this.

**A/N: Another jump!**

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 29th 6.21 pm

It had been three days and still nothing had happened with Lucas Smith, Elliot had been pleased as had Mary and Don Cragen but the rest of them were getting impatient especially Olivia who was missing Katie more than ever.

Group therapy would be taking place in half an hour and Olivia was trying to mentally prepare herself to reign in their target a little more, she didn't want to have to worry about anything else but when Mary came over to her with a smile she knew something was going on.

"There's someone on the phone for you." Mary told her and Olivia frowned, the only people she spoke to on the phone who weren't here were Alex, Casey and Melinda and they wouldn't have been calling her as she called them.

Olivia followed Mary to the therapy room and Mary handed her the phone.

"Hello?" She answered nervously.

_Hey Liv!_

"Katie! Oh it's so good to hear your voice! How are you?" Olivia was grinning and so was Mary just seeing Olivia's reaction.

_I'm good, Mary said you're trying to catch him is that true?_

"Yeah I can't tell you much but I'll get him Kay I promise." Olivia smiled, her friend sounded pretty much like her usual excited self.

_I don't doubt it Olivia, I hope you get him soon though so I can come back. _

"You're coming back?"

_As soon as you get the creep, I'm feeling much better Olivia and I just want to be there with you._

"I can't wait, and I will get him Katie I swear." She smiled happily, if Katie came back it would make the place bearable as soon as her co-workers left.

_I know Olivia, I miss you. _

"I miss you too." She replied a lump forming in her throat.

_Well I best go, phone privileges don't last half as long here as they do there. _

"Sure I'll see you soon Kay I love you."

_I love you too._ The sob that Katie was holding back was audible to Olivia and bought tears to her eyes.

"Bye."

_Bye._

Olivia placed the phone back on the hook and closed her eyes as the tears began to fall. She didn't want to cry but she really did miss Katie, she had a special place in Olivia's heart now, she'd opened up to her, told her things that she could only tell Elliot usually. It was hard hearing her voice and not being able to give her a hug and knowing and understanding what she had gone through made it harder for Olivia, she knew how Katie was feeling, she knew a lot of the thoughts going through her friend's mind and she could do nothing to stop them.

"Are you ok Olivia?" Mary asked wrapping a hand around her shoulders.

"Yeah." Olivia sniffed as she went to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I spoke with the psychiatrist there, Katie's doing really well." Mary told her.

"She sounds like it." Olivia replied.

"She'll be back Olivia." Mary reassured.

"Not if I can't get this creep." Olivia replied as another tear escaped down her cheek.

"You'll get him and for some reason I think tonight's the night." Mary smiled.

"What makes you think tonight's the night?" Olivia asked.

"I think it's tonight because all this you're feeling is real, not pretend like it has been the past three nights. I think if he is going to bite then tonight will be the night." Mary explained.

Olivia just nodded, now the realisation of what she had been setting herself up for hit her but she was still determined to do it, she wanted justice for Katie as much as she wanted Katie by her side.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 29th 7.35 pm

Olivia wasn't listening to a word that was being said by anyone during group therapy, she was lost in thought about the operation, about Katie and her baby too. Lucas Smith noticed this, he kept a watchful eye on her all session and when everyone left to go and do their own thing before bed he went over to talk to her.

"Hey Olivia." He smiled taking the seat from beside her and moving it a little so he could face her.

"Hey." Olivia replied with a gentle sigh.

"What's wrong?" He asked her softly.

Olivia looked at him momenterally and shrugged.

"I just miss Katie." She replied. "I spoke with her on the phone and she sounds like she's doing well and she was saying that she wanted to come back soon." Olivia explained.

"I'm sure she misses you as much as you miss her." Lucas smiled.

"You know, I'm not an open person, I am too independent but when I came here Katie and I just … I don't know clicked and I've told her things about me the only other person who knows is Elliot my fiancé and that's a big deal for me, I guess what I'm worried about is that being here we became dependant on each other, the way I became dependant on Elliot after my attack." Olivia sighed and she was surprised when Lucas pulled her for a gentle embrace which meant she could glance over at Mary over his shoulder who gave her a reassuring smile.

Olivia returned the embrace and Lucas continued to hold her as he spoke.

"You know that it's ok to be dependent on people Olivia, especially the person you share a room with, I'm sure when Katie comes back it will be like nothing has changed between you." He released her from the embrace and held her shoulders so he could look into her eyes. "Trusting people with secrets about yourself shouldn't be a challenge and I'm guessing you're a person who's used to doing everything for yourself until you got with Elliot, the fact you've let Katie in is as much of a big deal to you as it is to her you know." He smiled as she nodded in agreement.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"No problem and remember where I am if you want to talk." He said before he gave her shoulder a squeeze and wondered off leaving her to take relaxing deep breaths while she calmed down her creep-o-meter.

"Ok?" Mary asked and Olivia nodded before getting up and going over to the therapy room to fill the men in.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 29th 10.27 pm

Olivia had been lying in bed alone for the last half an hour. The room was in darkness and she had her back to the door just as she had the previous nights. Sleep of course was not on the agenda, what was on the agenda was the hope of capturing a pervert and rapist.

Just as Olivia had hoped the door to the bedroom opened. She closed her eyes and hoped that he would think she was asleep and she also hoped that the eyes on the room would be in here in a moment because he was getting ever closer to her.

He placed a hand on her shoulder and she pretended to wake up slowly.

"El?" She moaned wanting to keep up the pretence that she wasn't sure what was happening.

Of course he said nothing but grabbed her shoulder's hard.

"Help!" She screamed as she struggled against his grip as he pressed one hand into his pocket pulling out a gag and shoving it in her open mouth as she yelled for help.

She closed her eyes, the fear and adrenaline pumping through her veins as she knew they would be here any second. He dropped her onto the bed as he pulled off his belt and went to tie her wrists and she screamed through the gag as best she could.

The door flung wide open.

"Police stop right there!" Elliot's voice echoed.

The sigh of relief that rushed through Olivia's body was evident to Mary who was rushing to her side. She pulled out the gag and the half done belt from her wrists before pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Ok?" Mary asked.

"Yeah." She replied with a nervous laugh. "For a minute there I though they weren't coming."

"Any flashbacks?" Mary asked looking into Olivia's eyes for a hint of a lie.

"No, nothing." Olivia replied as she caught her breath, the adrenaline slowly leaving her body as Elliot handcuffed and maransised their perp.

"You did it Olivia." Mary smiled as Olivia rested her head on Mary's shoulder, the fatigue starting to take over her mind and body now.

"I did it." She replied happily. "I can't believe it's over." She grinned.

"Katie's going to be so happy Olivia, and I'm in awe, I expected some flashback or anxiety attack and there was nothing, we'll obviously keep a close eye on you over the next week or two but something tells me you won't be here much longer." Mary smiled.

"Thank you." Olivia replied. "For everything."

"Hey we're not done yet." Mary teased as Elliot came back into the room and rushed over to Olivia.

"Well done baby, are you ok?" He asked as she wrapped herself up in his arms.

"Yeah I'm fine." She smiled as she rubbed her cheek into his.

"You did it baby, you got him." He smiled.

"Yeah just don't expect me to fill out any DD fives I'm on sick." She laughed.

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**Next Chapter – Katie's return and the effect of the undercover op on Olivia's recovery. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	20. 20 Reuniting

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty – Reuniting

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 30th 9.46 am

Olivia had already said goodbye to Munch, Fin and Cragen, they had headed back straight after breakfast so that they could complete the paperwork on the case. That now left Elliot and Huang hanging around the centre with Olivia.

The sun was shining so they were sat outside under the tree which had become a favoured spot by Olivia. She was happy, almost like normal which didn't surprise anyone, the case had obviously done Olivia a world of good psychologically.

"So that's one less pervert on the streets." Olivia smiled, they'd just been discussing the ins and outs of the case, mainly so George could evaluate Olivia without her knowing about it.

"So you glad it's over?" Elliot asked as she snuggled into his chest.

"A part of me is, I mean, I get Katie back here and so that's a relief but then you're going later and I don't know … I mean, you've been here all this time it's going to be strange not having you around anymore." Olivia sighed.

"Oh come on Liv you won't be here much longer." Elliot smiled.

"I hope not." Olivia smiled. "I mean after everything that's happened I just want my life back."

"Do you think you'll ever fully recover from everything that happened while you were here Olivia?" George asked.

"I don't understand what you mean by recover George, I mean I'll never forget it, if that's what you mean." Olivia replied.

"What I mean is you have to suicide attempts under you know, a psychotic reaction to medication, all that, do you think it will ever be just a memory?" George asked.

"No, I think … I think it will probably affect me in the future, even though it isn't on my medical records because I'm here under a pseudo name I really think it's going to affect decisions I make in the future regarding myself."

"Such as?" George continued.

"Well if anything ever happens again I'm not going to risk anti-depressants or anti-anxieties because it might not be in records but I'll always remember and know that they had an adverse effect on me." Olivia explained and George nodded his understanding.

"So have you set a goal for when you leave?" George asked.

"No, I'm just going to see how things go, take each day as it comes as I can't just think about me anymore I have to think of the baby and of Elliot and for them I need to get better." Olivia smiled and Elliot grinned, everything that happened had definitely affected Olivia enough to make her realise something she should have known all along.

"That's admirable Olivia." Huang smiled.

"Thanks." She smiled. "So when are the two of you leaving me?"

"As soon as Katie arrives." Elliot smiled.

"She's coming back today?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Yeah." George nodded, it was him who told Elliot.

"Ah I can't wait to see her!" Olivia beamed, she'd missed her friend more than she thought she would.

"From what I understand she can't wait to see you either." George replied having spoken with Mary regarding Katie's return.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 30th 12.12 pm

Olivia was sat with Elliot and George in the dining room, she was actually enjoying the food which happened to be lasagne and chips. She ate and chatted away like this was completely normal for her to be in a treatment centre waiting anxiously for her friend's return.

"Olivia!"

"Katie!" Olivia jumped from her seat and ran over to the entrance of the dining hall to wrap her arms around her friend.

"God I've missed you!" Katie smiled as she held Olivia tight.

"Missed you too." Olivia replied joyful tears washing down both of their cheeks.

"So how much trouble have you been getting into since I've been gone?" Katie asked taking Olivia's hand in her own and walking towards the table.

"Trouble? Me?" Olivia said innocently making them both laugh.

"Yes you!" Katie replied. "I mean come on you've been stuck in this place with Amanda!"

"Oh seriously don't that woman is insufferable!" Olivia laughed as did Katie.

George and Elliot just watched the two laughing and talking happily, it was nice for both of them to see Olivia so happy, she hadn't been this happy since Katie's rape and the shine in her eye seemed to be back which brought a smile to both of their faces.

"So Kay you remember George and Elliot." Olivia smiled as they arrived at the table.

"Of course I do, hey guys." Katie smiled before taking the seat beside George and Olivia going back to the other side to sit beside Elliot.

"So how are you Katie?" George asked and Olivia raised an eyebrow and supressed a smirk towards her friend.

"You're the shrink right?" Katie asked making Olivia laugh.

"Yes." George replied.

"Then I'm great thank you for asking." She smiled broadly and Olivia just laughed some more.

"I can see why you and Olivia have become such close friends." George replied with a smile of his own.

Elliot hadn't stopped smiling since he'd heard Olivia laugh again.

"Of course, she taught me everything I know." Katie replied with a wink towards her friend.

"Exactly." Olivia shrugged as she laughed some more, oh it was definitely good to have Katie back.

"I'm guessing I should say thank you Elliot, I can't believe you caught him." Katie smiled.

"Hey don't thank me, it was all down to Olivia, she did everything to make sure we got him." Elliot smiled.

"Really Liv?" Katie asked.

"Well I needed you back here and as soon as I found out you were planning on coming back here when we caught him I had to make sure that we actually did catch him." Olivia smiled, she hated it when people thanked her, for her she was just doing her job even if this time she went above and beyond the call of duty, especially with her supposedly off sick.

"So I guess I should say thank you too you Olivia." Katie smiled.

"Nope having you back here is thank you enough." Olivia replied with a grin.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 30th 6.12 pm

Elliot held Olivia tight to his chest as they stood in the entrance of the centre. Here he was supposed to say goodbye and let her go back to treatment but it was killing him, he was terrified that something would happen to her and he not be there to stop it, or to stop her.

"I'll be fine." She whispered trying to hide how hard this was for her, she knew he was finding it difficult too and didn't want to make it even harder.

"I know." He replied unable to disguise the lump in his own throat.

"I'll miss you." She stated and he breathed deeply, controlling the tears were getting harder and harder.

"I'll miss you too." He replied dropping his forehead to her shoulder as he continued to struggle against crying.

"I'll be ok El." She said again sensing his fear.

"I know." He said again but that didn't stop the doubts.

"I know you're scared but don't be, please?" She was almost pleading with him as it became almost unbearable to let him go.

"Ok, you promise to call as soon as you get the chance?" He asked.

"You know I will." She replied smiling a little.

"Ok I love you." He told her.

"I love you too." She replied as she finally let go of the tears.

He picked his head up and pressed his lips to hers as his own tears flooded down her face, this was going to be tough for both of them and neither of them cared that they were being watched by both George and Mary as they cupped each other's faces and kissed deeper knowing that they wouldn't kiss for a long time.

"Bye." She replied as he pressed his forehead to hers.

"See you soon." He replied and with that she broke away and ran to her room not wanting to but having to before she broke down completely.

As soon as she was out of sight Elliot sighed heavily, he didn't want to go.

"I'll look after her Elliot." Mary smiled softly as she held her hand to his arm.

"I know." He nodded. "Thank you."

And with that he turned on his heels and went to the car to wait for George.

"Take care of him, I think he's taking this hard." Mary told her friend.

"I will don't worry just you worry about Olivia and I will see you when she's next up for visitors." George smiled before he also turned and left leaving Mary to go and check that Olivia was ok.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 30th 6.21 pm

Mary made her way slowly to Olivia's room, she was supposed to be getting ready for group therapy but she couldn't do that without making sure the Detective was ok first.

"Olivia?" She asked as she walked into the room.

Olivia was lying on the bed facing the wall in foetus position. Mary made her way over to the bed and dropped her hand onto Olivia's waist gently stroking her and trying to reassure her without words.

"Sorry." Olivia whispered through her tears.

"It's ok to be upset that he's gone again." Mary replied. "Honestly honey its ok."

"I didn't think I'd mind, I've been telling myself all day that he was leaving and I guess I didn't realise how hard it was going to be." Olivia replied finally opening her eyes.

"I'm sure. He'll be up to visit soon Olivia, and as soon as you get better you'll be going home to him too." Mary replied.

"I'm just scared I won't get better." Olivia replied as she sat up.

"You will, you've already taken tremendous steps since everything happened with the case and all, you've got Katie back and you're going to continue taking strides Olivia but if you don't believe in yourself then it's going to hinder your recovery." Mary explained softly.

"I do believe in myself I'm just … what happens if it takes too long and Elliot leaves me?" Olivia asked the question that had been plaguing her mind for so long.

"I don't think he'll do that Liv, he loves you so much, that's plainly obvious." Mary replied. "Now come on we have group therapy and the new male psych is here to meet the patients."

Olivia froze. She hadn't thought about them getting a new male psych at the centre. Her chest became constricted and breathing was suddenly very difficult.

"Olivia?" Mary called seeing Olivia hadn't moved.

She could see that Olivia was now clutching her chest and had tears streaming down her face. Mary quickly sat back on the bed and took Olivia's free hand in her own.

"Olivia I need you to take deep breaths for me, in for five and out for five ok?" Mary asked and Olivia managed a nod through her hyperventilation.

"Ok that's it in 2, 3, 4, and out, 2, 3, 4, and again that's it Liv." Mary carefully got Olivia's breathing under control but when she broke out in wracked sobs there was nothing she could do stop that.

"I know its ok." Mary soothed as she hugged her patient.

It was obvious to Mary that Olivia had just had a panic attack but she was surprised, it was obvious it had happened when she had mentioned the new male psychiatrist which she hadn't expected to happen.

"What happened?" Olivia hiccupped as she tried to stop her tears.

"You had a mild panic attack but you're ok now." Mary replied as she stroked Olivia's back to calm her down.

"Why?" Olivia frowned as she wiped her tear stained cheeks.

"I was hoping you could tell me that." Mary sighed, this was a tough one for her to even try and explain. "Come on we'll go to group and then we can try and figure out what happened tomorrow ok?" Mary smiled and Olivia nodded and followed her psychiatrist out.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

June 30th 7.06 pm

Group therapy had never been Olivia's favourite time, she hated it in all honesty except for when she was reigning in Lucas Smith, but that hadn't been therapy it had been work but now she was back to being a patient and she really wasn't in the mood.

Olivia sat beside Katie who seemed happy to be back and opposite her was Mary who began to introduce Doctor Blaine Roberts, Olivia looked at him and suddenly felt the tight constricted feeling she had in her bedroom in her chest. She closed her eyes tight and tried to focus on her breathing but it wasn't working. She reached out and grabbed Katie's hand.

"Olivia?" She asked interrupting Doctor Roberts who had been in the process of introducing himself.

Olivia saw Mary rush over and kneel in front of her, she felt Mary grab her hand and saw her mouth move but she couldn't hear anything being said. She felt sick and her head was spinning then suddenly everything went black.

Mary and Blaine lowered Olivia's limp body to the ground and moved her into the recovery position.

"How often does this happen?" Blaine asked Mary in his husky southern drawl.

"This is the second time since she's been here." Mary replied shakily, she thought that the first had been just a blip but this was evidence that it wasn't.

"How long ago was the first?" Blaine continued as he held Olivia's limp wrist and counted her pulse against his watch.

"Twenty minutes ago." Mary sighed, she was worrying now.

"And how long has she been here?" Blaine asked, he hadn't quite gotten around to meeting or getting to know the patients which should have been after he introduced himself.

"Nearly a month." Mary replied. "Not now." She added as she felt Blaine's eyes bore into her as Olivia began coming round.

"Ugh." Olivia groaned, her head was spinning as she rolled it back.

"Olivia!" Mary called.

"No need to shout." She moaned as she fought to open her eyes. "What happened?" She asked as she struggled to sit up.

"Slowly does it." Blaine smiled gently as he grabbed her hand.

That did it.

Her eyes glazed over as her mind left the present but it didn't go where she would expect it to go, it didn't go to Toby's attack, the kidnap nor the rape, it went to the previous night when Lucas Smith had come into her room and grabbed her, she felt the dryness of the gag in her mouth, she felt the leather of the belt around her wrists.

"No!" She yelled as she thought she was going to be attacked again.

"Olivia!" Mary yelled snapping her mind back.

The tears tumbled down her cheeks as Mary pulled her into an embrace.

"Sorry." She replied as she shook in Mary's arms.

"Don't apologise Olivia." She said softly as an orderly bought over a glass of water. "Here drink some of this."

Olivia held the glass in her trembling hand and sipped at it slowly. Once she was calm enough Blaine and Mary helped Olivia back into her chair.

"Do you want to leave the session or carry on?" Mary asked Olivia softly, she knew there would be a chance she'd just want to lie down now.

"I'm ok." Olivia replied.

"Good and if you feel a panic attack coming on just let me know ok?" Mary smiled as Olivia nodded.

Mary and Blaine went back to their seats and the attention was turned away from Olivia back to the psychiatrists.

"Now then so like Mary said I'm Blaine, I've been a psychiatrist for five years, I graduated from Sienna College and worked in a treatment facility in Queens for people with schizophrenia and common disorders." Blaine smiled.

"Ok we'll go round the circle and you can tell us as much or as little as you want about yourself so that Blain can get to know something about you." Mary smiled and she nodded her head towards the man beside Blaine.

"Uh I'm Charlie, I'm twenty seven, I got PTSD after being in an IED attack when I was in Iraq." Charlie smiled as he ran his hand through his unnaturally bleach blond short hair which he kept spiked with gel.

"I'm Hannah, I'm twenty two I got PTSD after my third tour of Afghanistan, I suffer from flashbacks, panic attacks and depression in relation to the disorder, I've been a patient here since February twenty second." Hannah smiled, she looked so young, like a teenager and Olivia couldn't help think of Lizzie Elliot's youngest daughter.

They went around the group and they soon landed on Katie.

"I'm Katie, I've been a patient here since December, I have PTSD from when I was in the Marines and I lost three friends in an explosion, I was the only survivor walking away uninjured." Katie replied and then she turned to Olivia and looped her hand into her friend's.

Olivia smiled gratefully at her and then looked at Mary who gave her a reassuring nod, she'd not been open in group, she'd not even told anyone but Mary the Orderlies and Katie why she was even a patient there and she knew they thought it was linked to her job, now was her chance to tell them honestly why she was a patient at the facility.

"My name's Olivia, I'm a Special Victims Detective, I have a form of PTSD most commonly known as Rape Trauma Syndrome, in April I was kidnapped from my home and held for twenty hours by a man called Toby McArthur, I was beaten repeatedly and I was raped…" Olivia's voice was barely a whisper as she looked at the floor, she could feel every eye staring at her. "… I've been a patient here since July third and I'm four weeks pregnant." She added the bit about her pregnancy for two reasons, one being that she wanted to leave her statement on a lighter note and the second was so that Blaine would know not to stab anything into her that could harm the baby which was a great fear of hers.

Olivia felt Katie give her hand a reassuring squeeze as they moved on to Jasmine who said nothing as she stared at Olivia in shock at what she'd just discovered.

"Jaz?" Mary asked.

"Sorry." Jasmine snapped her attention back to the front. "I'm Jasmine, I've been a patient here since April, I was in the Army and I was involved in a round of friendly fire and got shot in the shoulder." Jasmine replied.

The session ran until everyone had said their piece and then everyone dispersed to do their own thing before bed.

"Olivia?" Mary called and Olivia let go of Katie's hand where they were going to walk to the study and walked over to the kind hearted Doctor.

"Hey." She said softly as she arrived in front of Mary.

"You got a minute?" Mary asked nodding her head in the direction of her office which she had finally reclaimed now the case was solved.

"Sure." Olivia replied following the woman down the familiar route.

Once in the office Mary signalled to the couch and Olivia frowned as she took it, she wasn't in the mood to talk.

"You want to tell me about your flashback?" Mary asked.

"I…"

"Don't lie Olivia I'm an expert in PTSD and you had a flashback when Blaine grabbed your hand and I think whatever was in that flashback is the cause of your panic attacks and I need to know what it's all about if I'm going to help you." Mary explained.

"Fine." Olivia sighed heavily, she knew this was going to complicate things. "I flashed back to when Lucas grabbed me… I thought … I felt like he was going to go all the way that Elliot and the guys wouldn't bust in." Olivia explained shakily.

Mary sighed, she knew there was a possibility of this happening as soon as she'd heard the plan but she'd hoped that it would have had the opposite effect and would have helped Olivia.

"Ok, that's good now we have something to work with tomorrow ok? Now tonight before you go to sleep I want you to focus on the things that make you happy, I want you to think about the things that make you smile but try not to think about missing them and hopefully we can avoid any nightmares." Mary smiled gently.

"Sure, can I go now?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah go on." Mary smiled.

Olivia didn't need telling twice as she hurried out of the room to find Katie who would have been waiting for her in the study, they both enjoyed reading and had been reading together every night before Katie's rape and Olivia hadn't touched the book since, she wanted to wait and finish it with Katie and she was pleased that she was going to get the chance.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 1st 1.14 am

Olivia had done like Mary had asked, she'd thought happy thoughts before going to sleep, she'd thought of Elliot, the one six and her future with her baby who for some reason she was convinced was a girl. She'd fallen into a deep sleep but it was filled with dreams of the future just like Mary had hoped.

When she woke up she realised it wasn't from a dream she was having but from the moaning coming from Katie's bed. Quickly, she climbed out of her own and made her way over to her friend.

"Katie!" Olivia hissed trying to stop herself from yelling. "Kay come on wake up it's just a nightmare!" Olivia called as quietly as she could knowing if an orderly heard they'd be in with a sedative. "Katie!" Olivia gently grabbed Katie's shoulders and shook her till she woke up with a gasp escaping her lips. "It's just me!" Olivia informed her. "You were having a nightmare."

"I'm sorry." Katie replied with tears in her eyes.

"Don't apologise, you can't help it and it isn't your fault." Olivia replied.

Katie just nodded weakly before dropping her head into her hands and let soft sobs pass her lips.

"Scoot over." Olivia smiled gently lifting the duvet up.

Katie did as Olivia asked and they lay back down together. Olivia wrapped her arms around Katie and held her close remembering how her friend had done the same for her a few weeks previously.

"Everything you're feeling Kay, it's normal, don't think for one second that any of this is your fault the only person is to blame is Lucas Smith ok?" Olivia whispered. "You're not helpless either, you're strong and you will get past this."

As Olivia continued to talk to Katie she realised these were things she should have been telling herself too. She was strong, she wasn't helpless and this most definitely wasn't her fault. As she heard Katie's breath evening out she smiled and realised that she could beat this illness and she could get better, as long as she believed in herself.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia goes from strength to strength but is set back by circumstances which should have been foreseen. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	21. 21 Believing

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**More jumps!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty One – Believing

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 4th 6.14 am

Olivia woke up expecting to hear the usual ringing of the wake up alarm but when she finally drifted into full consciousness she realised that no alarm was going off. At first, without opening her eyes, she wondered what had happened the previous evening, she tried to remember if she had been sedated during the night or not but then a sickening feeling in her stomach had her sitting bolt upright.

She found the room still quite dark except for the sunlight drifting in through the small window at the top of the room. Glancing over at Katie she realised the alarm was yet to go off and so it must have been quite early.

The nauseating feeling in her stomach intensified and she ran to the bathroom just in time to spill her guts into the toilet. It felt never ending and the more she heaved the louder it seemed to get catching the attention of Amanda who had been just about to do her morning rounds before wake up.

"Olivia?" She said softly as she came into the room.

Olivia couldn't reply as she heaved and vomited again.

"There there." Amanda whispered rubbing Olivia's back and pulling back her hair as she heaved once again.

"Ok?" Amanda asked as Olivia slumped back against the wall feeling drained of all energy.

She just nodded before another wave of nausea hit her and she threw herself towards the toilet once again.

"There there let it all out." Amanda cooed as Olivia prayed something would draw her attention elsewhere so that she wasn't harassing her.

"Livia?" Katie asked as she rubbed her eyes of sleep and walked into the bathroom.

Olivia reached a hand out to Katie as her head remained down the toilet as she dry heaved a little. Katie rushed to her side and grabbed her hand and finally Amanda moved out the way.

"I've got you." Katie cooed knowing Olivia was relieved not to have Amanda by her side anymore.

"Morning sickness is a bitch." Olivia chocked before heaving again making Katie laugh a little.

"Can't say I've experienced it myself!" Katie replied and Olivia tried to laugh before she emptied what was left of her stomach contents.

"Ugh." Olivia moaned awkwardly as she slumped back against the tiled wall.

"Better?" Katie asked as Amanda brought over a cold damp flannel.

"I think so." Olivia replied as Katie pressed the flannel to Olivia's forehead. "That was horrible."

"I bet." Katie laughed softly as Olivia smiled weakly.

Katie wiped around Olivia's mouth then threw the flannel past Amanda and managed to get it into the sink.

"Good shot." Olivia smiled as she used Katie's support to pull herself to her feet.

"I used to play baseball." Katie smiled making Olivia grin again.

"Olivia why don't we go and get you some ginger ale?" Amanda suggested reaching out a hand for Olivia to take.

"Uh sure." Olivia replied not wanting to say no but really wanting to piss Amanda off.

She glanced at Katie and then at Amanda's hand.

"I can walk, pregnant not disabled." Olivia smirked as Katie began wetting herself with laughter.

"I just thought … seeing you hold Katie's hand all the time." Amanda explained dropping her hand.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 4th 8.10 am

At breakfast Olivia ate one half of a slice of toast before she felt sick again. She rushed off to the closest patient bathroom and knelt down over the toilet as she vomited for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

She was surprised when she saw Mary kneeling beside her and pulling back her hair.

"You're ok." Mary smiled gently and Olivia nodded in reply as she dry heaved again, she was sure she had nothing left in her stomach that she could possibly bring up but she was wrong as she vomited again.

"Ugh." Was all Olivia could manage making Mary smile a little.

"I have some ginger ale and crackers waiting for you at the table when you're done." Mary told her.

"Thanks." She replied weakly, her throat burning from the stomach acid she'd brought up.

"No problem, I made sure to have a lot ordered in because I knew this would hit sooner rather than later." Mary explained making Olivia appreciate her a little more.

"I'd preferred later." Olivia replied sinking into the wall and closing her eyes hoping that the feeling had passed.

"Think you can make it into the dining hall?" Mary asked getting to her feet.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded also standing up before following Mary out.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 4th 12.36 pm

As Olivia sat in the therapy room her hand was fixed on her abdomen, she actually could believe she was pregnant now with the symptoms becoming far more physical.

Mary could only smile, she could see Olivia's happiness, she was glowing as most expectant mothers did and she knew this pregnant was going to make Olivia's recovery all the more speedy, it wasn't a bad thing at all.

"So how are we feeling today?" Mary asked.

"Great." Olivia smiled, for the first time she could say that in all honesty.

"Good, I'm glad, so how does it feel to finally have the morning sickness hit?" Mary teased and Olivia laughed.

"I can actually believe now that's I'm pregnant, I mean when I found out I was barely two weeks along and now all of a sudden I'm a month in and I'm sick but I feel it, I feel pregnant now which I didn't before." Olivia explained the grin fixed upon her face.

"I'm pleased to hear, now I have got you some prenatal vitamins in which you can get with everyone else at the med counter after dinner and then in two weeks if you're still here we can do a sonogram." Mary smiled but this news caused Olivia's smile to falter. "What is it?"

"I just … I mean … I thought … never mind." Olivia sighed as she felt all the happiness drain from her body.

"No Olivia, tell me what's on your mind." Mary told her.

"I just thought I'd be going to my first sonogram with Elliot." Olivia explained weakly, she hated admitting her need for her fiancé but she couldn't help it.

"Olivia, Elliot can be here for it." Mary told her and Olivia smiled.

"Really?" She asked in disbelief.

"Really." Mary replied firmly.

"He's going to be so excited!" Olivia was almost squealing because she was excited too, even if she was stuck in the centre and she couldn't do what she wanted to such as plan her wedding and plan the nursery as most expectant engaged mothers she didn't care, this felt amazing.

"I bet." Mary laughed reading the excitement on Olivia's face.

**A/N: JUMPS!**

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 8th 4.04 pm

Olivia and Katie were sat outside enjoying the summer sun of Connecticut. Katie was sat against the tree and Olivia was lying with her head on Katie's lap while she read out loud to the Detective.

"He crept up as slowly and as quietly as he could, everyone knew stealth wasn't in his vocabulary but he tried anyway. He could hear the distant yells of a woman in peril, he could hear the thunderous voice of a man who was obviously the captor and he knew he would have to be the one to save her, he knew what happened next was all going to be determined by his actions and his alone …"

Olivia frowned as the perfect cloudless sky vanished from her eyesight only to be replaced by the shadow and figure of Amanda peering over them.

"Hello ladies." She smiled before kneeling down beside them.

Katie marked the page and closed the book as Olivia rolled her head towards her friend not wanting to look at Amanda as she knew it would lead to some argument or discussion or something that would land her in the exclusion room for the fourth day in a row.

"Someone's not in a good mood." Amanda smiled.

"I have an excuse for being in a bad mood I'm hormonal what's your excuse for being a pain in my ass?" Olivia asked with a cheeky grin on her face as Katie burst out laughing, Olivia just couldn't help myself.

"Olivia must you be so childish?" Amanda asked her voice patronising and annoying.

"Olivia must you be so childish?" Katie replied using the same tone as she peered down at her giggling friend.

"I don't know Katie must I?" Olivia asked through her laughter.

Amanda sighed, she didn't know what Olivia's problem was towards her, she didn't treat her any different to any other patient, she treated her with kindness and respect which Olivia didn't seem to want to accept or return.

"Well I just came in here to say it's time for the two of you to head indoors." Amanda explained without moving from her position.

"What why?" Olivia asked defensively.

"You're pregnant Olivia, too much sun isn't good for you or the baby." Amanda explained and Olivia rolled her eyes beneath her sunglasses.

"First of all I'm pregnant not Katie so that means that I have to go inside not the two of us, secondly I will do what I want to do not what you tell me to do Amanda so why don't you just get lost and leave us alone?" Olivia moaned, she had a strong dislike for this woman, especially since she'd lied to her co-workers when they were trying to find Katie's rapist.

"Olivia I don't want to have to fetch Mary." Amanda sighed.

"Do what you want Amanda seriously because I am quite relaxed right here and I am not planning on moving till the dinner bell goes off at five." Olivia replied her attitude plainly obvious.

"You know you're not setting yourself in a good light for when you're reviewed about the health and safety of your child Olivia." Amanda sighed getting to her feet.

"Reviewed? What are you on about?" Olivia asked jumping into a sitting position.

"If you're still a patient here when you're six months along you'll be reviewed about your position to take care of the child when it's born and then decisions will be made by a court about you keeping the child…"

"I won't be here when I'm six months pregnant and secondly I know the best team of lawyers and have a fiancé who would be taking the custody of our child if anything happened." Olivia replied trying to hide the fear from her voice.

"Well you might want to consider the possibility of things not going your way." Amanda replied before stalking off.

Olivia looked at Katie as the fear drained the colour from her cheeks.

"Olivia she's lying." Katie said.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked the fear audible in her voice.

"She's lying to you, they don't have any reviews when you're six months pregnant." Katie replied. "Seriously she is just trying to scare you and if you're worried talk to Mary tomorrow or in group and you can find out more but I promise you she's lying she has a tell."

"Ok." Olivia nodded weakly before resting her head back on Katie's lap. "Get back to that book." She smiled trying to forget the threat Amanda had made and just made a note to discuss it with Mary in therapy the next day.

**A/N: ANOTHER JUMP!**

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 16th 11.03 am

Olivia and Katie were sat in the entrance hall of the centre waiting for Elliot and Don, she'd asked them both to come and was even going to offer Don the chance to be there in the room when they did the sonogram, she didn't know why but she'd had the feeling that he should be there from the second she'd called him and she hadn't changed her mind since.

She was impatient, after a morning of having her head down the toilet followed by a breakfast of saltine crackers and ginger ale she just wanted to feel Elliot's arms around her.

As soon as the car turned into the driveway Olivia was on her feet and rushing out the door with Katie's hand in hers. She made it over so that as soon as Elliot left the car she was diving into his arms.

"Hey Liv!" He beamed as he held her tight.

"Hey El." She replied before kissing him hard.

"I missed that." He beamed as soon as she let go.

"I missed you." She replied.

"I missed you too." He grinned happily, he had missed her more than words could have ever described.

"We get to see our baby today." She beamed.

"I know." He grinned back just as Don arrived by their side.

"Hey Liv." He smiled as she wrapped him up in an embrace.

"Good to see you Don." She smiled as Elliot greeted Katie.

She hugged the older man and then took Elliot's hand before leading the way inside. Mary was there waiting for them and she smiled happily at them all.

"Good to see you again Don, Elliot." Mary smiled shaking the men's hands. "Should we go straight through?"

Mary led the way into the clinic room where the sonogram machine was set up, she was almost as excited as the family, she cared deeply for Olivia and she knew that Olivia was going to make a great Mom.

"Ok sit down and roll up your top, the gel will be cold." Mary smiled once they were in the room.

"Could Don and Katie be in here too?" Olivia asked as she did as she was asked.

"Because it's you and we aren't in a hospital or real doctor surgery I don't see why not." Mary smiled.

As she went to get the other two Olivia linked her hand with Elliot's, she was nervous and excited and it showed with how her eyes were glowing but her hand was shaking.

Don and Katie came in to the room behind Mary looking very happy and pleased, it made Olivia smile to see them with her.

"Ok then brace yourself…" Mary smiled before she placed the gel onto Olivia's stomach making her gasp quietly. "I said it would be cold." Mary smiled as she picked up the Doppler.

Olivia suppressed giggles as Mary rolled the Doppler across her stomach trying to get a clear picture.

"There won't be much to see but hopefully we'll find a very strong …. Heartbeat just here." Mary pointed on the screen then flicked a switch so the beat would fill the room.

Olivia stared at the tiny pin prick on the screen as she listened to the strong beat filling the room. Her eyes filled with tears of pride and excitement, that was her child, living inside of her and now it felt more real than it had ever felt, the past six weeks had been like a dream that she was pregnant but now it was very much fact.

Elliot kissed Olivia's hand making her look briefly at him and smile before turning back to the screen.

"I'll print you off some pictures while you get cleaned up." Mary said as she clicked some buttons, the truth was the pin prick that was their unborn child could barely be seen on the monitor and it would be same on the sonogram pictures but that didn't stop her think that it could possibly help Olivia in the long run and so she didn't mind.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia goes from strength to strength but is set back by circumstances which should have been foreseen. **

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	22. 22 Tripping

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**More jumps!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty Two – Tripping

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 17th 8.11 am

After another fight with morning sickness Olivia sat beside Katie at the table in the canteen. Katie was rubbing small circles on her back as she groaned into her arms which encircled her bowed head.

"How are you this morning Olivia?" Amanda asked coming over to them.

"Ugh go away." Olivia moaned without even lifting her head.

"Not in a good mood I see." Amanda replied with that annoying chirp in her voice that annoyed Olivia.

"I am sick piss off." She snapped.

"You're not sick Olivia."

"It's called Morning SICKNESS Amanda, might be self-inflicted but I'm still sick now please FUCK off." She snapped still not lifting her head up.

"Amanda she's just had her head over the toilet for the past two hours, I think she'd appreciate you to go away?" Katie said politely.

"Olivia if you want some anti-nausea…"

"No I don't, I've refused them every day since this started and I'm not going to change my mind, now I'm cranky and I will be till this nausea passes and the last thing I want to do is argue with you again!" Olivia snapped before getting to her feet shakily.

She gave Amanda one last filthy look, the one she saved for perps in her job before making her way to her bedroom hoping that a lie down was just what she needed.

"Just learn to leave her alone Amanda, honestly, it will work in your favour." Katie smirked before going off after her friend leaving Amanda to think through what she'd said.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 17th 10.27 am

"Hey girls how are you both?" Mary smiled as she found Olivia and Katie cuddled up in bed, Katie reading aloud to Olivia.

"Good, Olivia's morning sickness lasted two hours this morning, she's feeling a bit drained." Katie replied for her snoozing friend.

"Well, I have an offer for you both." Mary smiled coming to sit on the edge of the bed making Olivia wake a little more.

"And what's that?" Katie asked putting the book on the bedside cabinet.

"I was thinking that you both deserve some retail therapy." Mary smirked as both women's faces lit up. "The only thing is you can only go if Amanda goes with you, she's the only female member of staff who's actually off duty but here."

Katie looked at Olivia, it was up to her.

"A day away from here with Amanda?" Olivia asked still groggy.

"Yeah, you get your wallets and phones from the lock drawers and Amanda is going to take you in her car to the shopping mall." Mary replied.

"Who's idea was this?" Olivia asked.

"Amanda's, but it's something I had been thinking about anyway." Mary replied honestly, she knew better than to lie to a cop.

"Amanda does not want to spend the day with the two of us." Olivia replied. "She has something up her sleeve."

"Actually she does, she wants to put all animosity between you to bed and prove to you she's on your side, she thinks a girl shopping trip is just what you all need." Mary replied.

"I can start shopping around for my wedding." Olivia thought, it was what she'd been dreaming about for the past few days.

"That would be so cool!" Katie replied with a grin.

"So is that a yes?" Mary asked.

"I'm in." Olivia shrugged looking at Katie.

"Totally!" Katie squealed in excitement.

"Well I'll let Amanda know, you'll be leaving in an hour, you can have lunch there on me." Mary smiled seeing the two women exited like teenagers.

Once Mary left the two of them chose outfits, did their hair and makeup and just enjoyed doing something normal together for once, even if it was under the watchful eye of Amanda who Olivia had already warned Katie she was going to annoy the hell out of.

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**Midtown Springs Shopping Mall, Connecticut**

July 17th 11.19 am

"Ok girls, so wedding and baby shopping for Olivia, Katie anything you want to do?" Amanda asked, she'd been listening to Olivia and Katie talking wedding and babies the whole ride.

"Nope wedding and baby shopping." Katie replied with a grin as they stepped out of the car.

"Ok here are the rules, you don't split up and you stay in my line of vision at all times." Amanda smiled. "I know it sounds childish but I like my job."

"Yes Mom!" Both Katie and Olivia replied simultaneously making them and Amanda laugh.

Olivia and Katie linked arms and kept one step ahead of Amanda. When they went into the mall they found out there were three formal wear boutiques as well as two large department stores that dealt with weddings and there were three individual baby stores.

"So what first, wedding or baby?" Amanda asked the very giddy women.

"Wedding as that day arrives first." Olivia smiled, she knew she wouldn't be able to have the wedding dress of her dreams because she would be quite pregnant when she finally got married but that didn't bother her at all, she was just caring that she was soon going to be Mrs Elliot Stabler.

They walked to the first wedding boutique and once inside Olivia decided to drop a surprise on Katie, it was something she'd been meaning to ask for a while but hadn't had the chance too.

"Hello ladies what can I do for you?" The shop assistant asked.

"Hi we're looking for wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses." Olivia replied.

"Ok and who's the lucky bride?"

"That would be me, Olivia and my beautiful maid of honour Katie."

Katie swirled round to look at Olivia who was grinning.

"Really?" Katie asked in disbelief.

"I wouldn't have anyone else!" Olivia replied before Katie threw her arms around her friend.

"Yeah maid of honour." Katie replied.

"Ok well we have a variety of dresses, do you have anything in mind?" The shop assistant asked as they walked further into the store.

"Well I'll be five months pregnant when I get married so it has to be something that will look good with a basketball under my top." Olivia smirked making Katie laugh and even Amanda cracked a smile as she sat down to watch the two women, getting lost in her own thoughts of her dream wedding.

"Well I would say go for something Chiffon and loose on the waist but with something to make the breasts stand out." The assistant smiled flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"Sounds good to me!" Olivia smiled.

"Do you know what colour theme you're going for?" She asked.

"Yeah Wine red." Olivia replied. "With gold and I want to marry in cream and not white as my fiancé is getting married for the second time, doesn't seem right to wear white somehow." Olivia smiled.

"Ok then."

The assistant piled dresses onto a rack and then bought them for the women to see. They held them up in front of themselves and looked in the mirror until Olivia found one she had to try on.

"Can I?" She asked the assistant.

"Of course, I'll have to pin you into it for now but if you want to buy it in that size which is a twelve you can get it fitted anywhere closer to the time when it can be measured to your bump.

Olivia had known it was _the_ dress as soon as she laid eyes on it. As she stood in the mirror she imagined herself with a baby bump beneath it and it bought tears to her eyes?

"Don't you like it?" Amanda asked softly.

"I love it." Olivia whispered. "It's perfect."

"Olivia you look amazing." Katie smiled coming to stand beside her.

"I can see myself in it with the bump and I … this is the dress Kay, this is the one." She whispered tearfully. "I'll take it." She said turning to the shop assistant.

"Ok well I'll get it wrapped and put in a black dress bag, just hang it up as soon as you get home and the creases will just fall out of it on their own." The assistant smiled.

Twenty minutes later they left the shop with a very giddy Olivia, she felt on cloud nine having found her wedding dress even if it was eight sizes too big.

Amanda persuaded them to go for lunch after taking the dress to the car but Olivia had to call Elliot to tell him.

"Hey baby." She grinned when she heard his voice.

_Hey Liv everything ok?_

"Just perfect." She replied.

_Stabler Junior giving you any trouble_?

"Not yet." She beamed hearing him talking about their child. "Anyway just thought you should know I bought my dress today."

_Your dress?_

"Wedding dress El!" She laughed.

_Oh Liv that's great!_

"It hopefully look great when junior's the size of a watermelon too." She replied making Katie laugh beside her.

_I'm sure you'd look amazing in a bin bag. _

"Have I ever told you I love you?" She asked beaming.

_Yes and I love you too. _

"Well I'm off for lunch, I'll text you later before I have to hand my phone back."

_Where are you exactly Liv?_

"Out shopping."

_Ok well have fun and don't spend too much I know what you're like._

"Hey we're going shopping for junior in a bit so I will spend as much of my own money as I want."

_I know you will, I love you. _

"Love you too baby, bye."

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 17th 4.36 pm

When they arrived back at the treatment centre Olivia and Katie were in a great mood. They even thanked Amanda for a great time before disappearing to the bedroom to put away everything they'd bought.

Olivia had bought numerous baby clothes and a few baby items as well as her wedding dress and a couple of pairs of maternity jeans and tops for when her bump would begin to show and even a pair of jeans and top she could wear until the bump became obvious.

Katie had insisted on buying Stabler Junior some stuff to, no matter how much Olivia objected. The best thing being a yellow cuddly teddy bear that Olivia said she'd be sleeping with until junior was born.

As they packed away their things Mary came to see how they were doing.

"Amanda said you had a great day and you were both well behaved." Mary smiled sitting on the bed.

"Don't think too much into it Mary we forgot she was there half the time." Olivia replied with a smirk.

"And just ignored her the other half." Katie laughed as Mary smiled knowing the women were never going to see eye to eye with the nurse.

"So did you get much?" Mary asked seeing the bags all over Olivia's bed.

"Too much." They replied in unison making Mary laugh, they were definitely close.

"Olivia asked me to be her maid of Honour." Katie beamed.

"That's great." Mary said looking over at Olivia who was grinning proudly.

"I got my wedding dress." Olivia smiled nodding her head towards where the bag was hanging. "Wanna see it?"

"I'd love too!" Mary smiled, it was great seeing both women so carefree.

Olivia opened the bag to reveal the dress and Mary gasped at its beauty.

"It's really big at the moment, I'm going to get it fitted closer to the time because I have no idea how big junior here will be when I'm five months." Olivia smiled as she stroked her abdomen. "But I saw this Mary and even before I tried it on I knew it was the one."

"It's beautiful Olivia." Mary smiled. "Really beautiful."

"Thanks."

"So what else did you buy today?" Mary continued peering at the numerous shopping bags.

"Baby clothes for Stabler Junior, some maternity stuff and some treats for now." She smiled pulling out her new jeans and t-shirt that would fit like a glove until her bump grew.

"Katie?" Mary asked.

"Treats for Baby Benson-Stabler." She smiled picking up the teddy from the bedside cabinets. "Some clothes for the baby and some clothes for me."

That's when Mary realised that these two women weren't just co-dependant because they were locked in a treatment centre with very little to do, they were going to be friends for a long time, they would stay in touch after the centre, when lives moved on and now she realised that the best thing that could have possibly happened to either of them was meeting each other.

"That's great." She smiled. "Dinner's almost ready so when you're ready go to the canteen and remember you still have to have sessions with me so Olivia I'll see you after dinner before group and I'll see you Katie after group."

"Yeah." They both replied going back to their shopping.

Mary left with a smile on her face knowing that neither woman would be there much longer if everything stayed as it was.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 17th 5.21 pm

Sitting in the therapy room waiting for Mary Olivia finally let the day's events run through her mind. She was pleased to have found a wedding dress and get some bits and bobs for the baby but she couldn't help but feel a little down. When she had bought her wedding dress Katie had been with her, that was a good thing but the worse thing was because of the situation she found herself in she couldn't have Alex, Casey and Melinda with her, at least they'd be there for the fitting.

Also, she realised her soon to be husband was missing out on her pregnancy, he was supposed to be the one rubbing her back and pulling back her hair, not that he minded missing out on that but she couldn't help but wonder if he'd miss out on the growing bump, the first movement, the first kick and as she rubbed her flat stomach she prayed silently that she'd get to go home soon.

When Mary came into the room she smiled at Olivia and took her usual seat with her legal pad and pen.

"So tell me about today." Mary smiled.

"It was nice to get out of here, even if I was stuck with Amanda." Olivia smirked, joking kept her going and she wasn't about to stop taking the mick out of Amanda.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it, hopefully in the next couple of weeks you and Katie will be able to go on another supervised visit and then I'm hoping to upgrade you to unsupervised day trips then slowly to overnight trips and then the goal is six weeks to get you home." Mary smiled.

"A target?" Olivia replied in shock.

"Six to eight weeks." Mary replied.

"That's a long time." Olivia sighed. "I've been here four already, I'm a month into my pregnancy …" Tear filled her eyes. "Elliot's going to miss so much."

"Hey Olivia, what's important here is to get you better so that you don't give birth here, that he's not going to miss!" Mary said firmly, she understood Olivia's points but the last thing she needed now was a set-back.

"But it's so unfair!" She hiccupped as the tears kept falling, she didn't want to be crying but she couldn't stop the tears. "It's his child too."

"I know." Mary replied coming to kneel in front of Olivia. "But believe me, if you ask him, and tell him how you feel about him missing out I'm sure he'd tell you the same as me, he doesn't care about missing out on those things of he gets the two of you home."

"Sorry." She whispered wiping her eyes and reaching for a Kleenex. "I don't even know why I'm crying."

"They're called hormones, the next few weeks aren't going to be easy Olivia, between the morning sickness, mood swings and crazy cravings we're going to have to be very careful that you're not set back any more so that we can get you home." Mary smiled.

"Ok." Olivia nodded taking a deep breath. "Get home, six to eight weeks, I got it." Olivia replied giving the doctor a weak smile.

"Get home." Mary replied firmly.

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**Next Chapter – (A skip of a few days!) Arguing with Amanda, Crazy Cravings, Mood Swings and exhaustion, the combination of RTS and Pregnancy makes things difficult!**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	23. 23 Discovering

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**More jumps!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty Three – Discovering

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 23rd 8.27 am

Six days at the treatment centre passed way to slow for Olivia. Today Alex, Casey and Melinda were all coming to spend the day with their best friend and Olivia was bursting with excitement. After spending two hours over the toilet with morning sickness that she thought was never going to pass, she finally made her way to the dining room where Katie was sat with Amanda who seemed to be talking Katie's ear off.

"Olivia good of you to join us." Amanda smiled.

"I was being sick, not skipping breakfast." Olivia replied knowing Amanda would have her sent to the exclusion room for the slightest thing which would mean missing her friend's arrival.

"I guessed, so are you going to get something to eat?" Amanda asked.

"Right now anything I eat is going to come straight back up so I'm just going to get my decaff coffee before I die." Olivia replied.

"Such a drama queen!" Katie laughed.

"Always!" Olivia laughed back.

Amanda looked at Katie in a way that made Katie feel quite uncomfortable.

"Are you not worried about Olivia's girlfriends coming to visit?" Amanda asked.

"No why?" Katie frowned.

"Well aren't you going to be pushed a way a little?" Amanda continued.

"Doubt it, Olivia wants me to meet the rest of her bridesmaids and then I am going to leave them to it while I do some reading, Olivia needs time with her friends and I get that." Katie replied angry at Amanda for insinuating such a thing.

"No food?" Amanda asked seeing Olivia come back with just a coffee.

"Amanda get it into your head that if I eat anything now it will come back up." Olivia snapped.

"And aren't you just little Miss Sunshine again this morning." Amanda replied sarcastically.

"Ugh now I wish I could be sick again so it could be all over you, that or that I didn't care about causing bodily harm that I could punch you." Olivia snapped making Katie giggle uncontrollably.

"Olivia…"

"I'm going." Olivia sighed and headed off in the familiar direction for the exclusion room.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 23rd 9.15 am

After finishing her coffee in the quiet of the exclusion room Olivia lay side along the armchair waiting for Mary to come and rescue her. When the door finally opened she didn't even move knowing Mary would give her a talking to before letting her go.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

"Casey!" Olivia beamed jumping to standing.

"Ugh there are two others here too!" Alex fake snapped towards her friend.

"Yeah don't forget us!" Melinda replied.

"I missed you!" Olivia laughed wrapping her arms around all three friends in a tight group hug.

"Missed you too!" The three chanted in unison making Olivia laugh.

"Oh my God it's so good to see you, seriously you have no idea!" Olivia chattered like a teenager.

"I think we do, you know how hard it is having the men working with some victims? We need you back Liv!" Casey replied.

"As lovely as it is watching this little reunion Olivia isn't in this room for no reason so would you ladies step outside while I have a word with her?" Mary asked coming in from behind them.

They all looked at Olivia suppressing their laughs as she rolled her eyes and gave them a cheeky grin. Olivia went back to the armchair as Mary closed the door.

"You never learn." She sighed as she turned to face the detective.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked faking innocence.

"Oh don't give me that Olivia!" Mary was finally snapping.

Olivia couldn't say anything, she'd never seen Mary angry before.

"The day your best friends come and visit you still end up in here!" She continued and Olivia realised this was about to become a lecture.

"I know you and Amanda don't get on well but can't you just bite your tongue for once? I don't like having to reprimand you Olivia but I can't give you preferential treatment either so you're going to do the hour in here whether your friends are out there waiting or not and for future reference think before you speak, seriously, threatening my nurses with bodily harm isn't going to work in your favour and it just pushes you backwards …" She stopped when she saw Olivia's bowed head and a hand slide across her cheeks. "Olivia…"

"Sorry." She whispered. "Fucking hormones."

Mary had to laugh, even when in a bad situation Olivia could still make something sound funny.

"Because I'm in a good mood … your friends can come and sit in here for the hour but if other patients who saw you get sent in here see you out there they're going to claim favouritism." Mary smiled.

"Thank you." Olivia replied as the Doctor went to retrieve the ladies.

The three of them rushed in and quickly wrapped their arms around Olivia so that she was wrapped in the middle of them.

"So you wanna tell us why you have to be in here for an hour?" Melinda asked as they all sat on the floor.

"Told one of the nurses, her name is Amanda by the way and when you meet her you're going to love her as much as I do…" The women saw the sarcasm dripping through Olivia's words making them snigger, she hadn't changed a bit. "… told her I would like to vomit on her or punch her. This room is like time out." Olivia laughed as did everyone else.

"So you and Amanda? Get on well?" Alex asked making everyone laugh.

"I swear Katie and I don't get a moment's peace from her, she like follows us around and annoys the fuck about of both of us…"

"You have such a potty mouth." Melinda laughed.

"I know, but honestly, the sun is shining and we're going to sit out there for a bit and I give it an hour and a half before she comes over to recommend I go in because too much sun isn't good for the baby." Olivia rolled her eyes again.

"She's a nurse?" Melinda asked.

"Yeah why?" Olivia replied.

"Then she's not a good one, if your stomach is covered by clothing then the baby isn't being affected much by the sun, does she know anything?" Melinda asked.

"No but you can tell her that, maybe she'll leave me alone a little more!" Olivia laughed.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 23rd 10.03 am

Once the hour was up Olivia took her friends for Coffee and told them she was just going to fetch Katie. She found her friend in their room, nose deep in a book.

"Hey coming to the canteen?" Olivia asked.

"You sure you want me hanging around Olivia? They've come to see you not me." Katie replied putting her book down.

"Katie? You were so excited to meet them earlier, what happened?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing." Katie shrugged.

"Kay?" Olivia asked in a tone she reserved for victims.

"Just something Amanda said…"

"What did she say?"

"It doesn't matter Olivia…"

"What did she say?" Olivia's voice was firm and full of anger.

"She just asked if I thought I might be pushed away a little because your friends were here." Katie said in a whisper.

"That woman…" Olivia took a deep breath. "Kay they can't wait to meet you and as for me pushing you away? That would never happen." Olivia replied giving her friend's hand a gentle squeeze.

"I know." Katie nodded allowing Olivia to pull her up and lead her to the dining room.

What Olivia hadn't anticipated was finding Amanda sat with her friend talking, the anger from what Katie had said was still raw and Katie sensed her tensing up in her hand.

"Olivia…" Katie warned but it was too late Olivia was already marching towards the table.

"Olivia, they were just telling me some stories about you…"

"How dare you Amanda?" Olivia interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Amanda asked standing up from the table.

"Asking Katie if she thought I'd push her away because my friends were here? When have I ever? Even when Elliot came she'd spend part of the time with us and you put it into her head that I may not want to spend time with her when I have my friend? I don't know who the fuck you think you are Amanda but you have no right!" Olivia spat angrily her friends standing up and coming to her side.

"Olivia I…"

"I don't want to hear what you have to say Amanda! You're not Mary you're not trained to say things like that, you're just a fucking nurse and God help me I wish I could punch you because one of these days I'm going to snap so stay out of my fucking way!" Olivia yelled as her friends held onto her to stop her from flying and actually hitting Amanda.

"Olivia let's go." Katie said firmly pulling on Olivia's hand.

Olivia gave Amanda one last damning look before she allowed her friend to pull her away and the five of them went outside.

"That fucking woman!" Olivia hissed as they made their way over to the lake.

Olivia had found chucking stones over the fence a relaxing way of letting out her frustration and Katie knew this and grabbed a handful of stones and held them up for Olivia to throw.

"She's uh…" Alex attempted.

"I don't know how you can deal with her." Casey decided to say seeing her other friend struggling.

"I don't and that's the problem, I don't know what it is about her that gets under my skin you guys but it's been like this since I got here seven weeks ago." Olivia snapped as she flung another pebble.

"And you haven't punched her yet? Jeez you deserve a medal!" Melinda replied making them all laugh.

Olivia threw the last stone from Katie's hand and felt herself relaxed enough to go and sit by the tree with her friends, she hadn't even sat down when Mary came over to them.

"Olivia, a word?" She asked firmly.

"Guess so." Olivia sighed looking at Katie, they both knew this meant she was in trouble.

"Sorry to steal her from you, don't know how long we'll be but Katie will take care of you." Mary told them as Olivia walked off towards the therapy room.

Once in the therapy room Mary just looked at Olivia and sighed. Olivia knew that look, it was one she'd seen Cragen give her a few times, a look that always made her feel guilty, a look of utter disappointment.

"Did you not hear a word I said this morning?" Mary sighed.

"I did." Olivia replied weakly.

"Then why an hour later are you threatening her? Again?" Mary asked.

Olivia stood up and walked over to some empty space so she could pace, she couldn't sit still at the moment.

"She drives me mad, I don't know what it is about her that I don't like but Mary it's been like this since day one, she… harasses me and she knows she annoys me so why does she feel the need to come over all the frigging time?" Olivia snapped, she was mainly talking to herself out loud.

"Olivia sit down, I think there's something you need to know, I've been allowed to tell you this since you've been here but I was hoping I would never have to tell you…"

"Tell me what?" Olivia asked stopping still and folding her arms around her chest.

"Amanda, well, Amanda used to be a patient here." Mary said and Olivia's jaw fell wide open in shock.

"She was a lot like you, got close to her roommate quickly, then when they both got out, her roommate committed suicide and Amanda never got over it, she blamed herself for getting to close and not keeping as close when she got out and I think she doesn't want you to ever be in the position she was in." Mary explained. "She wants you to be friends with her too so that you and Katie aren't so dependent on one another. When she said she was doing bed checks yes you were right that she was lying but not for the reasons you thought, the reason she was lying was because she was having a one to one session with me."

Olivia looked at the floor, she felt a mix of emotion now and she wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with it all.

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**Next Chapter – Olivia decides maybe being nice to Amanda wouldn't be such a bad idea and another girls day out.**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	24. 24 Determining

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty Four – Determining

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 23rd 11.14 am

"You ok?" Katie asked as Olivia re-joined them at the lake.

"Yeah I'm fine." She said and even though Katie and her friends could see something was bothering her they decided not to question it any further.

"Ok so come on wedding stuff!" Melinda said to help Olivia out a little.

"Oh my God Olivia the dress you have to show them!" Katie smiled.

"I will later, when we go inside." Olivia smiled, for now she wanted to relax in the sun where her sunglasses hid how she truly felt.

Katie told Alex, Casey and Melinda about the dress a little and then moved on to discuss the types of dresses Olivia had been looking at for them. She wasn't interested in the conversation though, her mind was too busy as she picked at blades of grass absentmindedly.

"Ladies." Amanda smiled coming over.

"Hey." They all but Olivia mumbled, she hadn't even noticed the nurse join them.

"Olivia everything ok?" She asked genuinely concerned as she'd rather have Olivia biting her head off than ignoring her.

Without saying a word Olivia jumped to her feet and hurried off. All the other women jumped to their feet but Katie stopped them rushing off after her.

"Give her a moment." Katie said and the other women looked at her helplessly. "She's thinking… over thinking, I know you're her best friends but …"

"But what Katie?" Alex asked sympathetically, she could see Katie debating whether or not to tell them something.

"This place… it changes you, a lot, and Olivia's learning how to cope with things when they're on her mind and right now her best coping mechanism is removing herself from a situation when she can't handle it." Katie explained and the women looked over angrily at Amanda.

"Katie why don't you take these women to the study and I'll go and find Mary, maybe this visit is a lot more stressful than she anticipated." Amanda suggested and for once Katie agreed.

"Come on, Amanda will tell Olivia where to find us." Katie said leading the women back indoors.

Amanda watched them go for a moment as she realised that Mary had probably told Olivia the truth now, she had asked the doctor to do it a while ago but the doctor had thought it was best her not to know for the time being, maybe now she'd decided was the right time.

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**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 23rd 11.21 am

"Olivia?" Amanda asked as she knocked lightly on the side of the door.

Olivia didn't move, she was lying on her bed facing the wall and Amanda could tell that she was crying.

"Hey wanna talk?" Amanda tried as she moved towards the bed.

"What about?" Olivia asked through a cracked voice.

"About what's upsetting you." Amanda said and Olivia pushed herself up to sitting and grabbed a tissue from the end table to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Olivia said softly.

"What for honey?" Amanda asked gently.

"Everything." Olivia said blinking away more tears.

Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed by Olivia's hips and took Olivia's hand.

"You have nothing to apologise for Olivia, I…" She took a deep breath as she contemplated opening up to this woman as she was a patient she shouldn't have been sharing her own information with her. "I'm always going to understand, why do you think I never blame you or hold a grudge?" Amanda asked chuckling a little.

"I didn't know." Olivia shrugged.

"I know." Amanda replied. "It's ok, believe me when I say I pulled just as much if not more stunts than you when I was a patient here."

"I can't do this anymore." Olivia whispered as silent tears streaked down her cheeks.

"Can't do what Hon?" Amanda asked.

"Pretend to be this big strong person that I'm not." Olivia explained. "I've been making out that I'm fine for so long now that it's just a habit and yeah the flashbacks have gone and the nightmares are few and far between but the depression is there and it's constant and I can't see it ever leaving." Olivia explained.

Amanda broke out into a wide grin which made Olivia frown, what could make her smile about that statement.

"You're getting there Olivia." She smiled. "You're so close now."

"So close to what?" Olivia asked.

"Getting out of here." Amanda grinned. "You're not supposed to be happy stuck in this place, the depression isn't from your attack, it's from the seclusion."

Olivia breathed out, some relief leaving her body.

"Being here isn't supposed to be all fun and games." Amanda added.

"You mean I'll really be going home soon?" Olivia asked.

"Definitely, how about tomorrow, you me and Katie go into Manhattan for the day?"

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**16****th**** Precinct, Manhattan, New York**

July 24th 9.45 am

"I don't know if I want to go in." Olivia said as she looked up at the tall building.

"This is where you work?" Amanda asked to clarify.

"Yup." Olivia replied with a nod. "I've worked here for eight years now."

"I'm sure everyone inside will want to see you Olivia." Katie smiled putting her hand gently on her shoulder.

"Yeah you're right." Olivia nodded. "Come on."

Both women stood either side of Olivia and linked hands with her as if giving her the extra support she needed to carry herself up the steps and into the building.

"Good Morning Detective Benson."

"Officer Tony good to see you." Olivia smiled as the officer took off his hat in greeting.

"You too Ma'am." He replied with a smile allowing the women to walk on Katie laughing softly.

"What's funny?" Olivia asked.

"He called you Ma'am." She sniggered and both Olivia and Amanda laughed.

"Stairs or elevator?" Olivia asked.

"Elevator, save your strength." Amanda smiled and she nodded before walking up to the old machine.

She knocked the button and waited nervously for the doors to slide opening revealing an empty cart.

"Number?" Amanda asked.

"Four." Olivia said in a near whisper, her mouth dry in fear.

Once the doors closed Amanda gripped tighter to Olivia's hand, a reassurance that she was there and wasn't going anywhere.

When the doors open a small smile played on Olivia's hips because the smell of sweating perps and coffee hit her nostrils and the sound of a busy bullpen hit her ears.

"This way." She signalled with her head and finally let go of the women's hands.

They walked one step behind Olivia as she strode confidently up to the open doors into the bullpen. She came to a standstill under the frame and looked at everyone working hard, she could tell they were working an open case with how the phones were ringing and everyone was rushing around frantically, too busy to notice her which she didn't mind as she took everything in.

Elliot was arguing with someone on the phone, or it looked like arguing to Olivia. Munch was playing with Bessie the damned computer he loved and Fin was stood staring at the white board deep in thought as if staring at the pictures would give him the answer.

"What are those?" Katie asked nodding her head towards the board.

"Don't look Katie they're not pretty." Olivia said, she'd actually been looking over the pictures with intrigue, wanting to be a part of the team that solved the case and got the murdered young girl some justice.

"Is she dead?" Katie asked.

"I told you Kay don't look, seriously once you have those things inside your head they never go away." Olivia warned. "Now it looks like they're busy so why don't we come back later…"

"Olivia?"

She let out a breath and turned back to the bullpen with a huge smile plastered onto her face.

"Munch." She smiled as he walked over to her opening his arms up for an embrace. "Good to see you John."

"Katie." He smiled extending his hand.

"Liv?" Elliot had just hung up the phone and seen John Munch talking with someone and he'd spotted his fiancé immediately.

"Hey baby." She smiled for real as she rushed over to him so he could scoop her up in his arms and spin her around.

"God I've missed you." He smiled as he placed her on the floor and snuggled his head into her hair.

"Missed you too." She grinned.

"You escaped?" He asked.

"Nope day trip with Katie and Amanda." Olivia explained signalling to the two women Munch was talking to.

"Ah well Cragen's in the office sorry babe it's a mad day here today." He explained.

"I noticed what's the case?" Olivia asked.

"Olivia…"

"Oh come on Elliot I need a puzzle!" She groaned like a teenager who'd been grounded.

"Fine, twelve year old, rape homicide." He replied.

"And that's all you're going to give me?" Olivia asked. "Because it's too hectic in here to be that straight forward."

"Ok she's the Mayor's granddaughter." He explained. "Mayor's hanging around so if you see him be careful remember he knows who you are."

"Ugh." Olivia groaned, the Mayor was a big fan of hers and always complemented her so she wouldn't be surprised if he'd requested her on this case just to find out she wasn't available.

"Ok well I am going to see the Cap." She said knowing he needed to get back to work.

She made her way to the office and peeked through the blinds to make sure he was alone before knocking and entering.

"Just a sec." He said without looking from his paperwork.

Olivia just smiled, this was how it was supposed to be in her life. Seconds it took for Don to sign his name then look up and do a double take of the woman standing in front of him.

"Olivia!" He smiled almost excitedly.

"Hey Don." She smiled as she walked round to embrace him.

"Jesus what are you doing here?" He asked the Detective.

"Day trip, one of the nurses thought brining me and Katie to the city was a good idea and she wasn't going to let me be in the city without bringing her here." Olivia explained.

"Right, well I'm guessing that you realised you picked a hell of a day to turn up." Cragen chuckled weakly.

"Yeah Mayor's grandkid, he must be giving you a hard time." Olivia replied.

"Elliot told you?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Of course, he could never say know to this." She pouted and bat her eyelashes making Cragen chuckle.

"Good point." He smiled. "And the only thing the Mayor is giving me a hard time about is not having you here, he's convinced the case would be solved already if you were working it…"

Cragen was interrupted by a knock on the door and as if right on cue in walked the mayor.

"Detective Benson?" He asked in shock.

"Mayor Jones it's good to see you." Olivia replied. "Sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through during this hard time."

"Yes well you're here now, these incompetent buffoons are no closer to finding out what happened to Holly."

"Mayor Jones… I can't work this case." Olivia said apologetically.

"What? Of course you can! You must Detective there's a killer out there who raped and killed my grandchild and you're the only one who can catch him!" The Mayor snapped, he was obviously distressed and Olivia really felt for the man.

"Mayor Jones I already told you that Detective Benson is off sick." Cragen explained. "She's just popped in to say hello."

"If she's well enough to stop by to say hello then she's well enough to find who killed my Holly!" He yelled and Olivia's heart broke.

"Cap…"

"No Olivia." Don replied without allowing her to finish asking.

"I don't need to be in the field, let me be here so I can help, please?" She softly bat her eyelids but it wasn't in a joke like before, this was serious.

"Olivia you're on indefinite sick do I need to remind you why? Do you want me to put it in writing where there's a chance you'll lose you shield for good?"

"There's no need to threaten her Don!" The Mayor snapped. "Your superiors will hear about this."

"Mayor Jones, I can't go out into the field because of my illness but I am more than willing to be here and help answer the phone and put the clues together would that be of any help?" Olivia asked.

"Yes…"

"No!" Cragen snapped. "You have somewhere else you need to be Olivia." Cragen snapped.

"It would take me two minutes to make sure I don't Captain. Please?" Olivia asked. "I won't get in the way but I can help."

Cragen sighed, now that she had propositioned the Mayor he knew that there was no way either of them would drop it.

"Fine, but your friends can't be here tell them we'll take you back when the case is closed and I'll call Mary." Cragen sighed, he knew the psych was going to chew his ear off for this but if it pleased the Mayor there was nothing else he could do.

"Thank you." She smiled before turning to the Mayor. "I will help in any way I can Sir."

"I know you will Detective, you're a very inspiring woman a very good Detective." He said shaking her hand.

"Thank you." She replied before hurrying off to tell Katie and Amanda.

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**So?**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	25. 25 Investigating

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

Chapter Twenty Five – Investigating

**16****th**** Precinct, Manhattan, New York**

July 24th 10.22 am

"Ok so fill me in." Olivia said after saying goodbye to Katie and Amanda and walking over to Munch who was putting all the case details in Bessie.

"Ok well Holly Jones was found at three this morning by a couple of drunken frat boys. She'd been raped and murdered." Munch said as he bought up some of the pictures from the crime scene.

"And what are your leads?" Olivia asked and Munch looked at her as she studied the pictures.

"We have none, the Mayor has been far from helpful especially when he thought he wasn't going to get you working on this case he was calling us all incompetent buffoons and saying that none of us would ever mount up to you." Munch chuckled.

"Yeah well can't help it that he loves me." She laughed. "Ok so has anyone found out where she was last night?"

"Nope all we've been given is that she was at a friends house, we haven't even got the name of the friend Liv. I mean how could anyone let a twelve year old out without knowing where especially the Mayor's granddaughter who is more likely to get a ransom kidnap than any other child in the city?" Munch snapped.

"I don't know Munch, some people don't think twice…" The phone rang and Munch answered it while Olivia continued to flick through the pictures.

"Liv Warner's got something fancy a trip to the morgue?" He asked and she nodded and pressed her hand to the gold shield in her pocket, she may not have been allowed to carry a gun but just having a part of her back in her hand made her feel stronger.

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**Autopsy Suite, Morgue, Manhattan, New York**

July 24th 10.49 am

"So Melinda my darling what have you got for us?" Munch asked as he and Olivia walked into the morgue.

"Olivia?" She said doing a double take towards the female Detective.

"Hey Mel." She smiled. "Don't worry I didn't run off, we came into the city and I bumped into the Mayor in Cragen's office and he wanted me on the case." Olivia explained and Melinda nodded. "So what is it you've got for us?"

"Well your victim didn't die where she was found." Warner said. "I've sent her clothes off to CSU I'm sure they'll be able to tell you more but I found some stuff in her hair that at first I couldn't identify so I put it under the microscope and found that it was carpet."

"Any specific brand?" Olivia asked and Warner shook her head.

"No most common form you can get." Warner explained.

"So what was the COD?"

"She was strangled, see the rope burns?" Warner asked and Olivia and Munch nodded in reply.

"Rape kit?" Olivia asked.

"She was raped and sodomised with a foreign object."

"How do you know?" Munch questioned.

"Splinters." Melinda said picking up a test pot. "From both the vaginal area and the rectum."

"Post mortem?" Olivia asked cringing.

"Yes, she was spared some." Melinda sighed softly. "She was kicked around a bit before-hand, her ribs were broken and a few fractures on her arms."

"Ok anything that would help us find her killer?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe." Melinda said rolling the sheet down from the body. "Look at this footprint, I can't tell you what type of shoe it was but I can tell you the shoe size is six."

"Like most women in the United States." Olivia replied.

"Yes but what's the most common Olivia?" Warner asked.

"Seven?" She wasn't too sure.

"Exactly, what shoe size are you?" Melinda continued.

"Uh Six and a half why?" Olivia questioned.

"Small feet." Melinda laughed. "Well I'm an eight, I was seven and a half when I was a teenager, your feet grow slower than anything else when you reach a certain age so if you'd ask me the person who kicked Holly Jones is possibly someone around the same age. Holly's shoe size is six too."

"Ok so our killer might be a teenage girl. Good to know." Olivia sighed.

"Maybe but I'd put a bet on the killer being female at the least." Melinda said as she covered the body back up.

"Ok thanks Mel." Olivia said.

"Yeah thanks Melinda." Munch said before following Olivia out.

"Ok so our perp is probably female and she was supposed to be hanging out with her friend, once we know who that is I think we will have our first suspect." Olivia said to Munch and he nodded in agreement with a smile on his face, it was good to have her back.

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**16****th**** Precinct, Manhattan, New York**

July 24th 11.26 am

After going back to the precinct and filling everyone in on what the ME had told them they were gathered around Bessie with Munch filling in the pictures from the flash drive Melinda had given them.

"So who is the friend she was supposed to be staying with?" Don asked.

"No idea but we need to find her." Elliot said as he sat on the desk with Olivia leaning against him, his arms wrapped around her because technically she wasn't on duty.

"Anyone any ideas where we go from here?" Cragen asked.

"There's got to be one friend the Mayor knows that we can find." Olivia sighed.

"Olivia you talk to the Mayor he likes you and you're the least likely to lose your temper with him, Elliot and Fin go down to CSU and kick them into giving us something from the crime scene, Munch go through everything and see if we missed something." Cragen instructed and everyone went their separate ways.

The Mayor wouldn't leave the precinct so Olivia went to the good coffee shop and bought both herself and the Mayor a coffee before meeting him up in the lounge.

"Here." She said as she handed the coffee cup over.

"Thank you." He replied shakily, it was obvious he'd been crying more.

"So Mayor…"

"Please call me Robert." Mayor Jones said.

"Fine, Robert, we need to find Holly's friend and to do that we need your help, have you got any information about any of Holly's friends that could help us find where she was supposed to be staying that night?" Olivia asked.

"Uh no but… search her bedroom… there might be a PDA or something in there with everything." Mayor Jones said pulling keys out of his pocket.

"Thank you." Olivia said. "Do we have your permission to take anything we deem valuable for our investigation?"

"Of course Detective Benson." He said taking her hand. "I don't know why you're off sick but I am very grateful that you're here."

"It's not a problem." She smiled feeling her heart warming to him.

"But whatever it is, I hope you get well soon." He said and she nodded.

"I think I'm almost there." She said with tears in her eyes. "I'll find out who hurt Holly Robert, I promise."

"I know you will. I have faith in you Olivia." He said and she gave his hand one final squeeze before heading off to gather Munch to search Holly's bedroom.

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**So?**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


	26. 26 Ending

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**TWITTER - steffiesioned or Steffie Williams Xx**

**A/N: So I have been thinking about this story a lot since I last updated, I believe it's time it came to a close now so there's an awkward jump here from the case to Olivia being back at the treatment centre but everything is explained in the chapter and so on… I'm sorry but I don't want to leave it open but I want it finished without leaving you hanging you're all too good to not know where this story would end!**

Chapter Twenty Six – Ending

**West Springs Treatment Centre, Connecticut**

July 27th 11.36 am

Olivia had arrived back at West Springs the previous evening and was now about to have a sit down with Mary. She sat in the office wondering how it was going to go down. She'd helped close the case for the Mayor, she'd stayed until the very end and they had the perp in arraignment and had Elliot bring her back after saying goodbye to everyone, refusing the option of sleeping one more night in their bed to get back and prove she was better.

Throughout the case George Huang had a close eye on her and he wasn't the only one that realise Olivia Benson was back. She was more herself now than she had been since her rape all those weeks ago and he'd been straight on the phone to Mary explaining how sure he was that Olivia was ready to leave, of course Olivia didn't know that, all she knew was that she felt that she was ready to leave and go home and do everything she had to do.

"Hey Liv." Mary smiled coming into the office.

"Hi." Olivia grinned, she didn't know why but she felt so happy.

"So how are you feeling being back?" Mary questioned.

"Fine." Olivia shrugged. "I mean, I didn't want to come back obviously, being back in Manhattan doing my job… I was finally feeling like me again, for the first time since I was kidnapped and raped and I guess had I not been scared that I wasn't ready to leave her then I probably wouldn't have come back last night." Olivia explained, she didn't want Mary to think that she was only saying she was fine, she needed to explain she meant she was fine.

"Do you think you're ready to leave?" Mary asked.

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged. "I mean, I do in so many ways, being back at the one six I completely forgot about everything that had happened since I'd been here, I mean the rape was in the forefront of my mind throughout the case but I never let it interfere and I had no flashbacks, I didn't freeze… I felt better than ever. However, I'm not a shrink."

"If I was to tell you Olivia that there are some very wonderful men on their way to pick you up how would you feel?"

"You're kidding right?" Olivia replied but her face lit up with excitement.

"No I'm not Liv, I am more than confident in saying you're ready to go home. I want you to still come up here once a month for a one to one with me, maybe we can go shopping and just be friends too but I think that you're going to go out there and strive as the woman I've gotten to know, the real you." Mary explained as tears of joy spilt down Olivia's face.

"I'm going home?" Olivia asked.

"Yes." Mary nodded.

Olivia hurried off to find Katie and explained everything to her. Katie was as excited as Olivia, she'd always known her friend would leave before she would especially when she was raped in the hospital and she didn't at all feel the hurt that came with losing her best friend, especially when Olivia promised to visit and that she would have to come up once a month so technically she wouldn't be going out of her way (even though she would make sure Mary informed her when Katie was allowed a visitor because she would be there, not only was Katie still her maid of honour Olivia and Elliot had agreed that Katie should be their child's godmother.)

Amanda was ecstatic for Olivia and gave her a huge hug. She was also very weary of Katie but made a promise to Olivia that she would stay in touch by phone and let her know as much as she could about Katie's progress, she could tell that the two women were going to be just as co-dependent in different states as they had been sharing a bedroom.

When Don, Munch, Fin, Huang and Elliot arrived Olivia was near enough packed. They were just as happy and quickly loaded her stuff into the car before giving her the privacy she needed to go and blow out her candles on the cake celebration they had whenever a patient left the hospital. After saying goodbye to all the patients she'd become friendly with and a longer goodbye with Katie and Amanda Olivia made the last few arrangments with Mary before signing the discharge papers.

"Take care Olivia and remember, day or night I'm only on the other side of the phone whatever it is you need." Mary told her softly as they embraced.

"Thank you for everything Mary, I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you." Olivia replied as the tears slipped down her cheeks, Olivia knew she owed the aging shrink her life.

"No Liv, you wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you." Mary said wiping the Detective's tears with her thumb. "Now go, there are very anxious armed cops out there who want to take you home." She added with her own tear filled eyes.

Olivia kissed Mary on the cheek before walking outside. Mary, Amanda and Katie also went outside to wave Olivia off knowing that the person she was when she was admitted into the facility was not the person leaving. She'd made it and they were all so pleased and proud.

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**Saint Mary's Catholic Church, Manhattan, New York**

November 6th 10.49 am

Olivia nervously stood beside her husband, her arm linked into his. They'd not long been pronounced man and wife and Olivia stood in a chiffon floor length white gown that showed off her now big baby bump.

She snuggled her head into his shoulder and smiled as more pictures were snapped away, she was so happy and nothing or no one could change that.

Katie stood beside her with her hand awkwardly in Olivia's where she held her flowers. She'd been released from the centre just a month after Olivia having gone leaps and bounds to follow in her friends footsteps and in September she started at the police academy where she was still in training.

Mary stood hand in hand with Don Cragen. Since Olivia's release the two had embarked on their own personal relationship and just two weeks ago Don Cragen had asked her to be his wife and she'd said yes instantly, they of course weren't getting any younger.

The day was perfect and everyone could see that Olivia and Elliot were happy despite everything, there was just one thing left now and that was the birth of their child.

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**New York Presbyterian, Manhattan, New York**

February 2nd 4.11 am

"That's it Olivia just one more push!" Doctor Whitney called and Olivia braced herself and pushed with everything she had, she'd been in labour for thirty seven hours and was exhausted but she couldn't wait to meet her child.

An ear splitting cry filled the room and Olivia felt her husband's lips on her cheek before he dived to cut the cord.

"You did so well Liv." Katie told her, she had been flattered when Olivia asked her to be the second birthing partner which Elliot had completely agreed with.

"It's a girl Liv, a little girl." Elliot told her as the baby was being cleaned off.

"Our girl." Olivia cried as the baby was finally placed on her chest. "Hey baby girl."

"We need a name for this beautiful baby." Elliot said gently.

"I know." Olivia replied, they'd not really done much name planning between the wedding and nursery and so on, names had been the last thing on the list.

"What do you think about Coleen?" Elliot suggested.

"Coleen?" Olivia asked looking at the gurgling new born.

"Nope." Elliot laughed. "Feel free to chip in with ideas Kay it will be greatly appreciated."

"Uh how about Natasha?" Katie asked.

"No." Elliot replied before Olivia got the chance to say anything.

"Anya?" Olivia asked.

"Anya?" Elliot replied.

"That's pretty." Katie smiled.

"What does it mean?" Elliot asked, he liked names with meanings.

"Grace." Olivia replied, she remembered looking it up once.

"That's a pretty name…"

"I meant that's what it means." Olivia laughed softly.

"Grace Mary or Anya Mary." Olivia smiled.

"You want her middle name to be Mary?" Elliot asked with a smile and Olivia nodded.

"I owe that woman my life El." Olivia replied and Elliot nodded softly and smiled broadly.

"Which one do you prefer Kay?" Elliot asked turning to their best friend, she'd practically been living with them while she was in the academy not that either one of them minded.

"Hmmm Anya Mary or Grace Mary… Grace Mary it seems to roll off the tongue easier when I say Anya Mary I'm tempted to say Anya Marie or Annemarie or something similar…"

"Anya Marie, oh I love it!" Olivia smiled and the gurgle that came from the new-born made the three chuckle.

"I think Anya Marie likes it too." Elliot noted.

"Marie is similar enough to Mary isn't it?" Olivia asked, she wanted the woman to know how much she'd changed Olivia's life.

"Yes baby it is, now how about I get the waiting family and let them know that Anya Marie has arrived and weighs a small five pound four ounces and has lungs like her mother?" Elliot asked and Olivia shook her head.

"You need to hold her first, and Kay, they can meet her later, they've waited thirty six hours already one or two more won't do them any harm."

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**THE END!**

**So sorry to rush to finish it but I couldn't be bothered writing the case out and this is how it was going to finish anyway so I haven't made any MAJOR adjustments and it isn't as rushed as I thought it would be, there may be a sequel, but not for a LOOOONG time I want to finish Secrets and Regaining love and then upload my newest story and finish the other open ones as soon as!**

**SteffieDawn oxox **


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